"Race" Recap: Highlander Assault 12 Days of Christmas Virtual Challenge

Highlander Assault 12 Days of Christmas Virtual Challenge, 11/10-17/20, Cedar Falls, IA

In my ongoing effort to find fun virtual challenges to do, I jumped on the chance to sign up for Highlander Assault's latest virtual challenge. I hugely enjoyed their 5K weighted carry challenge that I did last spring. This would be very different: instead of a one-time event, there would be 12 challenges that you can complete in whatever timing and order you want. You just need to keep track of your progress and send it to them when you're done, and they'll mail you the swag. Definitely doable. 

Started on the Tuesday after my Spartan virtual trifecta weekend, on legs that were still sore. That day I did the following five challenges and timed each of them (I was hoping for a total of around 3 hours for all the challenges). It was raining and cold outside so I stuck with indoor stuff.

1. 20 flights of stairs in 5 minutes flat. I did these by just jogging up and down the stairs in my house. Figured it would be a good warmup.

2. 100 situps, two 30-second leg lifts; done in 4:39. The kind of challenge that starts out easy and takes a turn for the "ooof" at around rep 60.

3. 125 pushups; done in 5:40. This one scared me the most out of every challenge because that pushing motion caused a lot of chronic collarbone issues for me a couple of years ago (the issues lasted until quarantine, basically). Decided to do as many as I could on the floor, from the knees (ended up being 50), then switched to wall pushups for the last 75. It was shocking how tough the wall pushups felt, too. Arms were rubber afterward.

4. 100 crunches; 2:29. This wasn't bad at all, although after those situps is a lot of abs. Reps 90-100 were a struggle.

5. 100 lunges; 4:11. Not as bad as I thought it would be.

Two days later (Thursday the 12th) I decided to sneak out of the house for the:

6. 5K run; 32:21. It was a bit chilly but no wind, which is a rare blessing. My shins were not thrilled (still a bit splinty from the trifecta) but I iced afterward and they'll be fine eventually. A decent pace, but not quite what I was hoping for.

On Saturday the 14th, it was cold, windy, and there was a mist in the air, but I wanted to get a couple more things done. I took out Venti the Sandbag and decided to bang out both heavy carries back to back.

7. 2-mile 20-lb sandbag carry; completed in 28:10. My triceps were still trashed from the pushups (3) so it was harder than expected to keep the bag on my shoulder. Had to switch sides a lot. My goal of under 30 minutes was easily met, though. Immediately followed by:

8. 1-mile 20-lb sandbag carry, with 25 weighted squats at finish; done in 14:59. I was hoping for under 15 minutes so just under the wire there!

Shins were feeling much better by Monday the 16th, so I decided to complete the longest of the 12 challenges...

9. One-hour run. My goal was to complete 5.5 miles in the allotted time, thankfully I managed to eke out 5.6 miles! The power of positive thinking and extremely frequent but short walk breaks!

On Tuesday the 17th, I decided to finish this thing off. My triceps were feeling Okay, and my shins only bugged me a little bit from the day before. 

10. 100 burpees, in 14:51. This was pretty miserable, as I hadn't done burpees in a loooong time and frankly, my triceps quickly went from Okay to Jello Jigglers (remember those? Classic). Did 'em in sets of 10.

Afterward I headed off for the school football field which had lines painted on it to complete the final two tasks!

11. Fifteen 20-yard sprints, done in 2:12. This was unpleasant for my shins, and I am not much of a sprinter, but I included my recovery time between the sprints. Fortunately my antics seemed to be unnoticed by the first graders on the playground at recess. And finally...

12. 100-yard crab walk, in 5:55. This SUCKED. It was the culmination of a week of intense tricep soreness. The first 40 yards went fairly normally. Then my wrists and elbows started constantly collapsing and I had to switch to a desperate "throwing myself backwards with a violent scoot" technique. I did make it all the way across the football field, which was freezing cold and vaguely damp, and then did the walk of shame back to my house for a hot shower.

Submitted my total time (3:00:27 for all challenges! Right at my goal!) online, as well as my chart of each event's day and time. Now to wait for the swag to come in. I'll update this when it arrives.

Pros:

-Put me out of my comfort zone, which is good.

-Good variety of challenges, and they were hard enough to make a person feel accomplished.

Cons:

-I. Hate. Pushups.

-I. Hate. Burpees.

-I. Declare. BANKRUPTCY!

"Race" Grade: A-. A great way to end a really weird year. 

Race Recap: Des Moines Virtual Half Marathon

 Des Moines Virtual Half Marathon, 10/24/20 Cedar Falls, IA

Distance: 13.1 miles

Terrain: Paved recreation trails and some sidewalks

Weather: 20s and sunny

This was a last-minute addition to my race calendar. After last year's awful Des Moines Half Marathon experience (I will not bother linking to ALL the race recaps from ALL the years I've done this race disastrously), I vowed to avoid the race in the future. But this is 2020, and with everything canceled, Des Moines offered their race as a virtual. And the one thing Des Moines does well is swag. So I was in. Plus the kit was a reasonable $40.

Unfortunately the weather was not very cooperative, in that it was very cold, even for Iowa in October. I wasn't used to the cold yet and knew I would overdress. Set out in two long-sleeves and two pairs of tights, and within the first mile I regretted the second layer of both. Took off the overshirt and ended up removing my gloves frequently as well. But I chose a pretty nice course that took me from downtown Cedar Falls all the way to Waterloo (past the Cattle Congress grounds, which always reminds my mother of some sort of bovine House of Representatives, which you gotta admit is hilarious) and back. I was feeling pretty fast despite it being peak Clare Allergy Season, and by the halfway point I was on pace to PR!

But it was not meant to be on this frigid October day. Around mile 9, my left knee started acting up. A fairly rare occurrence for me, but everyone knows that endurance sport is 70% determination and 30% "what's gonna hurt today for no reason?" Fortunately I was still able to jog a good amount, so although my PR dreams were dashed, I did finish in about 2:39, which is a very respectable time for me. And my husband and son were at the park where I'd left my car, so I got a lovely finisher photo (with border courtesy of the DMM app).

I submitted my time via the app. At the end of the race window I went to check my results and realized...they have not sorted these by distance. At all. Like, they have all the results from the 5-mile, half, and full marathons clumped together on the same page. There is no way to know how you actually did compared to others who did your distance. The "average finish time" is 2:55 among all the races and finishers. What the actual eff am I supposed to do with that? It is funny that, even with a virtual event, DMM managed to screw something up super bigly.

On 11/16/20, I finally received my swag in the mail! The shirt is a nice short-sleeve technical V-neck. It is pretty huge, though. I ordered a women's medium and it definitely fits like a large. Or like a medium shirt from Target, perhaps. But it is a great color for me, as I am a classic Autumn. There is also a nice finisher medal with a comfy ribbon, and a Race Wrap with the DMM branding that I cannot wait to wear this winter.

I'm a m-model, you know what I mean

So overall, it's probably my most successful Des Moines race yet. I had a fast time, I didn't have to wait a hundred thousand years for food/Gatorade afterward, no aid stations running out of everything, no early course closures, no hideous jacket in the swag bag. An excellent, though freezing, fall run.

Pros:

-I got to do my own thang.

-Swag is nice.

-Didn't have to travel to Des Moines (god love it).

Cons: 

-Shirt is definitely bigger than advertised, but that's okay. I feel bad for petite women though. I bet a small would have fit me perfectly, seriously, what do 5', 95-lb women do? We don't need this ridiculous vanity sizing in the ATHLETIC WORLD. Save that for Target and Old Navy.

-Results are a hot mess.

-Every other Des Moines Marathon weekend race I've ever done.

Race Grade: A-. It gets my best DMM grade ever, mostly because DMM had almost no hands in it.

NOTICE

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This Is Spartan Trifecta Weekend Episode 4

 

Link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v2btbok7jo

I do an actual trifecta weekend! Well, a virtual one. The Spartan Virtual Trifecta World Championship! Race recap at this link.

Race Recap: Spartan Virtual Trifecta World Championship

Spartan Virtual Trifecta World Championship, 11/7-8/2020

Weather: 72 degrees, breezy and sunny (both days)

Terrain: Suburban backyard and sidewalks

Distances: 13.1 miles with 30 obstacles (Beast), 6.2 miles with 25 obstacles (Super), 3.1 miles with 20 obstacles (Sprint)
Elevation Gain: 459 feet (Beast), 205 feet (Super), 110 feet (Sprint)

I was very excited to see that Spartan was offering their Trifecta World Championship weekend in virtual form. Especially considering my training for an in-person trifecta weekend in June, which hopefully will actually occur (COVID-willing). I wrote my workouts on my computer to give me the perfect flow, then transferred them to color-coded index cards, then laminated the index cards with packing tape. I don't screw around, folks. I knew I'd need a plan, fully baked and laid out, then all I'd have to do is execute.

I mean come on. Perfection.

Spartan allowed for us to have Friday through Sunday to complete the races, but I decided to dramatize a proper trifecta weekend and do the Beast on Saturday and the Super and Sprint on Sunday. I also decided to set a time goal for myself of 5.5 hours for all three events, for which I'd need a 3-hour Beast, 1:40 Super, and 50 minute Sprint. After carbo-loading for weeks (election stress is a hell of a drug), I set up my backyard obstacles and my cooler full of Gatorade and started the Beast at around 11 AM on an unseasonably warm Saturday. As was according to plan, I jog/walked to a nearby park for the first two obstacles, which I'd be repeating in the next two races as well. Chain ladder is tough because it is designed for children. The monkey bars are tough there because they curve in an S-pattern. Still, both were easy clears and I headed back home for the first backyard gauntlet. Sandbag carry around the house, followed by Olympus, Beater, spear throw (I nailed it!), rope climb, and Twister (big air quotes on that one - it's just sideways monkey bars). I then took off for the field near the junior high school where they'd left the giant tires. Decided to flip the 400-lb tire twice and call it "Beast Mode Tire Flip," and it went extremely smoothly. But I tell ya, nothing spikes the heart rate like a woman flipping a tire that's at least 2.5 times her body weight.

Across the field for a 4-foot fence hop, then Nolympus (my lateral fence traverse), and a low crawl through the grass. Straight to the elementary playgrounds for a pole scale, climbing over a giant fake rock, out and back on the parallel bars, and the vertical cargo net. Ran home (this was about mile 3.3) to get a new bottle of Gatorade and run across town on a big loop. On the way to Pfeiffer Park, I did a "slip wall" wherein I climbed up and down a dirt slope of an underpass that was probably a 40% incline. At the park I climbed over an 8-foot plastic climbing wall, then did four sets of 10 calisthenics on the grass  - squats, pushups, V-ups, and mountain climbers. I needed to fill in my obstacle list with some of this type of stuff for the Beast. Ran across the pedestrian bridge and added 1 minute to my official finish time by stopping to gawk at a 10-point buck that was VERY close to me. Worth it.

After another mile I'd made it to Gateway Park, where I saw my lovely husband and son playing on the playground that I needed to get an obstacle out of. I chose to climb over an 8-foot plastic wall that was really damn slippery. I had to use my knees to finally get my left foot hooked on top and over the wall. Ten plank up-downs and I was done with all my boring calisthenics, and off to run back across town to my house again. I was almost at mile 10 and did my last gauntlet of home obstacles. First was overwalls across my back deck, which was covered in leaves. We haven't raked. Then bucket carry around the house, followed by monkey bars (which my hands were so sweaty I quickly slipped off - I did 10 jumping jacks as punishment). Climbed up the tall deck, then multi-rig and bouldering wall to finish the obstacles. Ran/walked another 3ish miles to finish out the Beast! Shins a bit angry and I needed to stretch, but this was a wholly successful event. 2:54 (or 2:56 officially, based on total elapsed time), meaning I'd banked 6 minutes towards my weekend time goal!

For we are glorious.

On Sunday I set out with mild soreness in my calves and shins for the Super. Started out at the schools with a low crawl, fence hop, pole scale, monkey bars, rock climb-over, the grip slider (out and back), vertical cargo net, and the yellow squiggle (it's similar enough to Pipe Lair and it was definitely my most whimsical obstacle of the day). Looping back to the house, I did overwalls (discovering a dead squirrel by my deck - nature!), sandbag carry, "Twister," rope climb, spear throw (nailed it again) and Olympus. From here I ran out and back to the park with the chain ladder and monkey bars, just like yesterday. On the way back I passed by a house that was already putting up Christmas decorations, causing me to say "WHAT" out loud like Li'l Jon.

Back at home, I did the multi-rig, bucket carry, Beater, and the deck climb. Then I went back to the schools for my last set of obstacles - tire flip (this time the lighter 200 lb tire, which was very easy), Nolympus, bridge climb on the jungle gym, parallel bars (out and back), and the broken bridge. Looped around for about 2 more miles to finish the distance and finished in 1:29 and change! My goal for the Super had been 1:50 so I was quite thrilled. It was looking very likely that my total for the trifecta would be well under 5.5 hours.

Representing for Black lives, too.

After a short break to change clothes and have a small snack, I took off for the Sprint. Did many of the same obstacles as the Super, but without quite as much running around in between. I had four sets of obstacles in different areas, which was perfect because I didn't have to "find distance" to fill in between them as much. Quick list: at the schools, I did fence hop, pole scale, vertical cargo, parallel bars (out and back), bridge climb, Nolympus, low crawl, and tire flip. At home, sandbag, monkey bars (skipping rungs), rope climb, spear throw (I missed! Dammit.), deck climb, and bouldering wall. At the park I did the chain ladder and monkey bars yet again. Then back home, bucket, overwalls, Beater, and Olympus. Done in 47 minutes!

Now with my Gay Pride shirt and unrelated crotch sweat

Despite feeling pretty wiped afterward, this was a very productive virtual trifecta weekend! My combined time was somewhere around 5:11, which is much better than I was hoping for. I know I didn't do a perfect job of recovering and refueling between races, but I've learned a lot and will apply it (hopefully) in June. As of this writing, my placements for the three races put me in the top 50% of my gender and age group, which is great. The perfect culmination to this year of training! Vlog of my weekend at this link.

Pros:

-Logistics. I had a great plan for the obstacle layout of all three races, and it was much more evenly split into chunks than I usually did.
-Discovered I'm in decent shape despite crazy allergy season.

-Obstacle proficiency is on point. Even the 400-lb tire flip felt smooth.

Cons:

-Should have had more water on Saturday.

-Definitely miss actual Spartan obstacles.

-When I uploaded races for my rankings, it claimed I'd traveled farther than necessary. How the hell is 6.22 miles "10.39 km?"

Race Grade: A-. Don't have my swag yet, but I liked that we had to upload our confirmed Garmin results for rankings. Feels more like a real event that way! And this was a fun way to end the "race season."