400-LB Tire Flip Tutorial

 

I show you all how to flip over a tire that weighs significantly more than you do! 

Step One: Squat down close to the tire. Get your hands underneath securely.

Step Two: Simply stand up. Don't use your arms. Don't use your back. Just use your legs.

Step Three: Use your knee to bump/rock the tire farther up until you can tip it.

It's that easy. Watch the video for the demo!

YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLCddLbzuyg

Keeping Hands and Feet Warm For a Winter OCR

 

With the Abominable Snow Race fast approaching, I review my foolproof strategy for keeping hands and feet warm during a winter obstacle race! Good advice that will apply to all your winter workouts.

At-Home Cardio For A Super-Fit Winter

 It's that time of year again. The leaves are changing and falling. The air is crisp. My allergies are going so bonkers that my nose is essentially a faucet. In the words of...someone on Game of Thrones, I dunno, I never watched it: winter is coming. Which means your workouts will be making their way indoors, at least some of the time.

If you are a snow bunny, you may already own a pair of snowshoes or cross-country skis, or a fat-tire bike. You may already know that waterproof socks are Jesus's single greatest invention, after skin lubricant. But if your idea of a good time does not include frozen hydration-backpack tubing, you might want to bring your workouts indoors. Fortunately, you can create a comprehensive home gym of cardio equipment for yourself for a relatively small financial investment.

There are three main pieces of equipment that I will detail here, but first I will list some bigger-ticket items that you may be interested in: a stationary bike or a bike trainer (which allows you to turn your bike into a stationary bike); a treadmill; a rowing machine; an elliptical. These are the main pieces of cardio equipment that are available at most gyms. If you absolutely LOVE using one or more of these, consider buying one for your home. A treadmill is probably the most versatile, but the machine you should get is the machine you *want to use.*

Now for my aforementioned three, listed in order from least intense to most intense.

1) Mini Bike

I bought my husband this under-desk bike for Father's Day and he is enjoying it. It gives him something to do while sitting on phone meetings at his home office. Because it's not electrically powered, he is able to bring it in to work when he goes back to the office full-time. The links I'm providing in this section are all the exact equipment that I bought. I purchased this one in particular even though there are cheaper versions available because I wanted to buy a heavier one on purpose. A heavier one is more sturdy and less likely to move. Despite this, be advised that you will ideally want to use a non-moving chair and put the mini bike so that it backs up against something solid. Otherwise you may have to readjust very frequently to keep the fit perfect, especially if you crank the resistance up and are pushing harder against it.

2) Mini Stepper

Not gonna lie, I've wanted one of these for a long time, so I took the opportunity to get one. It has been an absolute joy to use. It's not really like climbing stairs, but rather like running in place. The range of motion is very small, but it gets/keeps the heart rate up and is extremely portable. I keep mine under the coffee table unless I'm using it. There's nothing like throwing a movie on HBO Max and getting on this bad boy for 90 minutes. 

But if you want to take your workouts up several notches...

3) Climber

BOY HOWDY. This machine packs a punch. It is the single best piece of equipment you can purchase for your home, as far as efficiency. This machine uses your entire body. Not kidding. Your lower back will be sore. Your legs, your arms, your abs. Big range of motion with all of them. It is such a phenomenal workout that I can really only do it for a few minutes at a time, so I'll generally do 2 minutes on the climber, move to the mini stepper for 8 minutes, and go back and forth like that for an interval workout. I swear I am not being compensated by Big Climber for this endorsement, but it is just a great machine. Takes up a bit of room in the house, but it's well worth it.

I've also been pleased by how much my combination stepper/climber workouts have translated to run fitness. I haven't been running much but I've been doing plenty of this style of home workout, and I am able to perform really well when I DO have to run. The fitness translates in a way that an elliptical machine (for example) doesn't. And with similarly low impact. 

So consider getting something fun for yourself for your winter training, whether you want to enjoy the snow or are more "indoorsy."

How to Clean Your GPS Watch (Post-OCR)

 

YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMSrBkVp5oA

Learn how to clean your GPS watch from mud and grime! You will need: alcohol wipes, and a pin. Optional: new screen protector and watch band.

What (Not?) To Wear

 Anyone who has done fall or winter races knows one simple fact: people do NOT know how to dress. I'm not talking about fashion. I'm talking about function. Clothing that keeps you warm and dry, without keeping you TOO warm and making you sweat through your gloves. Overdressing is the biggest mistake that beginners (and, frankly, experienced people) make.

Over the last 15 years, through much trial and error, I have come up with a clothing chart for myself that is foolproof. I will share this with you all in case you can find it useful. You may need to amend it slightly for yourself if you are particularly warm- or cold-blooded, but I consider myself fairly normal in terms of heat generation. If you are racing, you can move one step warmer (i.e. a 5K in 45 degree temps would require clothes from the 50-59 range). If you're walking at an easier pace, you can go down one step colder.

Perceived Temperature (Windchill) - Clothing Choices

60+ - Tank top and shorts

50-59 - T-shirt/tank top and shorts/capris

40-49 - Light longsleeve and shorts/capris/tights, light headband

30-39 - Light longlseeve and tights, headband, light gloves

20-29 - Medium longsleeve (sweatshirt or quarter-zip) and tights, headband/beanie, light/medium gloves

10-19 - Heavy longsleeve or two light ones, tights (possibly two layers), hat, gaiter/scarf optional, medium gloves

0-9 - Heavy and light longsleeve, two pairs tights, hat and gaiter/scarf, heavy gloves

Below zero - Jacket and two longsleeves, two pairs tights, lightweight pants, balaclava, heavy gloves

If it is cold and rainy/snowing, make your top layer a waterproof shell. Wear a brimmed hat with a beanie/headband on top. 

Make sure your hydration-pack hose is well insulated in subzero temperatures, or choose to carry a bottle instead.

Always bring sunglasses just in case. They are helpful in sunny, windy, and rainy (paired with brimmed hat) conditions. 

Gym-Free OCR Training

If you're like me, you are NOT going to a gym anytime soon. Going to a gym is an extremely risky activity in the age of COVID. There are simply too many droplets happening in close, indoor quarters to make indoor group exercise worth it. Fortunately, there are ways to get creative and train for obstacles in your own yard and/or neighborhood. Always check current guidelines for your area to make sure these public resources are available.

At Home

It might be worth risking a trip to the hardware store to get a few items for your backyard.
1) Sandbag. You can get a 50 lb bag of sand in the garden section easily.
2) Bucket. Get yourself a 5-gallon bucket. You can put the bag of sand in it. Two obstacles in one!
3) Rope. A climbing rope that is about 1-1.25" thick is lovely. If you get a 30' rope you can use it for a few other things (more on that later).
4) Spear. I got a spare garden tool handle that comes with a hole in the tip, then a box of huge nails that would fit in it (husband had to cut off the head of the nail with a saw). Used a two-part metal epoxy to affix the nail in the hole and voila. Spear for $10 and ten minutes of labor. You can throw the spear at anything you want (please, something that is not alive), but a foam archery target costs about $40.
5) Adjustable monkey bars. If you look for steel pipe nipples (not making this up), and can drill two holes in the top for eye bolts so you can hang them, you can make yourself a great set of monkey bars. Hang them from whatever you've got (if you have a high deck with space underneath, or a pergola, these are good options) with solid rope or straps that can hold a decent amount of weight. You can make a decent facsimile of monkey bars that are responsive like Beater, which is always fun.
6) Long eye bolts. If you have a drill and some balls (softballs or baseballs for best results), you can make attachments for a multi-rig.

Other items you can get in other places:
7) Rope attachment for multi-rig. Turns out a cable machine attachment can do the job for cheap.
8) Sled. Like for winter play. If you get a sled you can make your own plate drag quite easily by loading heavy things on there. Attach your 30' rope to it and pull away.
9) Gymnastics rings. Easy enough to add to your multi-rig for about $30.
10) Traverse walls. If you are savvy enough with woodshop to build yourself a wall, you can do a lot. Z-walls or even Olympus could be constructed in your backyard. I'm still working on an Olympus so I can't speak too much on the subject, but if you've got the space and the tool skills, go for it.
11) Climbing walls. You might already have something climbable in your yard. I can get a reasonable facsimile by scaling the high deck outside my house.
12) Monkey bars. If you have a place to mount these, you can buy a set of them for about $30.

Playgrounds

Besides the obvious grip obstacles to be found (such as monkey bars or lateral bar traverses), never underestimate the value of CLIMBING ON STUFF. Try going up the slide without using your hands. Try scaling the slide pole. Cargo nets, bouldering walls, all kinds of stuff can be found in playgrounds that can help you train. Just play. (Try to do this when kids aren't around.)

School Tracks

Look with new eyes at your local school track. Many of them may have large tires laying on the football field. In my area, all the schools have had tires showing up lately, and it's been a godsend. You can also bring your 30' rope to the track, tie it to a tire, and drag it around if you're feeling saucy. Running up and down bleacher stairs are a fun Stadion-style option. At the front of the bleachers area, I realized that the chainlink fence forms a "close enough" experience of Olympus that I call it Nolympus. It's a way to move laterally with the feet at a steep pitch, while taxing the grip with the hands.

My Nolympus demonstration

Another great thing to do is hop fences - there's always a 4' chainlink fence that you can jump over. The football field also provides ample space and grass to practice low crawls and rolling. Getting into a format of running a lap, then doing an obstacle (hell, bring your sandbag), can keep you race-day ready. If you want to get filthy for a true race experience, there's always a roll in the long-jump pit available.

Hiking Trails

One of the smart ways to train on trails is to keep your eyes peeled for downed trees that appear secure. You can use them as balance beams, or hop over them/hurdle them. You can use a small log as a weight to carry around until you get bored. Puddles? Stroll through 'em! Mother Nature is a fantastic workout buddy that requires no social distance. But please, maintain social distance when you see others on the trails.

Best Way to Train For a Race

Are you thinking of doing a race? Perhaps you want to dip your toes into a 5K, or a triathlon, or an OCR. As a personal trainer I get this question a lot: where do I start? How do I train? My answer is unconventional, but it really is the One Simple Trick that will help you more than any other advice you will ever get:

Do a race.

That's it. 

Sign up for something that you think is within your physical capabilities to finish (even just walking), then go do it. If you are able-bodied, you can finish a 5K. Or a Spartan Sprint. (The one exception is: do not do a triathlon if you cannot currently ride a bike or remain afloat. Learn, then do.) It might seem like doing the race is something you should do at the END of your training, but it's not. Do one to get it out of the way, because there is no better way to find out what you should do in your training.

I'll take the OCR example because it's the most complicated. With a road race, you'll either finish or you won't, and you'll learn a little something about pacing yourself regardless. With an OCR, training for it is a big job, or really a big number of small jobs. Grip strength. Brute strength. Power. Agility. Cardio endurance. Muscular endurance. Obstacle proficiency. Harsh terrain. There is no way to prepare yourself for all of these things before you have actually done a single event. You won't know what to train for. So sign up for a sprint distance event, maybe a stadium race if you don't like mud. By the time you finish, you'll know exactly what your strengths and weaknesses are. 

Let's take my first OCR as an example, the Lambeau Field Stadion. I did just enough research about Spartan races to know that burpees were involved, so I had practiced those in the months leading up, but that is it. Showed up and quickly realized a few things about myself.

1) My cardio endurance was predictably good. All the stairs were challenging, but I was not gasping for air or exhausted.

2) I did great on the strength obstacles - carries, hoists, etc.

3) My grip strength was totally nonexistent. I would need to work on this before attempting another OCR. 

4) All skill obstacles (walls, rope climb, spear throw) were way beyond my capability. I had no clue about techniques for any of them.

5) The most important factor was "do I enjoy this activity enough to work at it?" And the answer was a resounding YES. That race was so extremely fun, and my body felt great afterward. 

Those were all things I wouldn't have found out if I hadn't just taken a leap and signed up for this thing I knew little about. So don't try so hard to be wholly prepared for your first event. Pick a short one and go for it. Find out what you need to work on next. Build your OCR house one brick at a time.

Turn And Face The Sprains

Number of times I'd sprained something in the first 37 years of my life: zero

Number of times I've sprained something since turning 37: two

That's right, gang - I am now on my second sprain in a five-week span! In mid-October I very mildly sprained my left ankle. That was a bummer indeed, as I had two half marathons on consecutive weekends right after that. It healed quickly, though, and without causing too much damage to either my ankle or my overall training schedule.

Last Wednesday, I went to the ninja gym to start my big off-season training. I was determined to improve my grip strength and my balance. Things started out great, but then after about 40 minutes I went to step on a balance obstacle that I've done dozens of times without incident, and instead of stepping on it with my midfoot, I stepped on it with my toe. Which then slipped off. And my whole body went topsy-turvy and I hit the ground. Pretty quickly I realized I would need to ice this, so I cut my workout short and went straight home. Despite icing and elevating, it got worse and worse, and after a few hours I could barely even limp. Putting any weight on it was horrible.

I went to urgent care and got x-rays, just to make sure I didn't break a metatarsal. Nothing is broken, but my foot is definitely sprained, and probably a much more severe sprain than my left ankle was. Wednesday and Thursday I could barely put any weight on it. Friday was a bit better, as I was able to hobble around with just one crutch and putting some weight on my lateral heel. Throughout the weekend it got better and better, and today I can mostly get around fine (although I still definitely favor my left foot, and I'm using one crutch as a cane whenever I need to go on stairs or long distances).

Having never dealt with a bad soft-tissue injury before this, it has been truly fascinating to see how it works. What has worked for me to start recovering so quickly?

1) Very little movement for the first 72 hours. I got fewer than 1000 steps each of those first few days.

2) Elevating the foot as much as possible. I laid on the couch basically all day long with my foot up on the back of the couch.

3) Icing religiously. Every two hours in the first 72 hours, now down to every 3-4 hours.

4) Gentle stretching. I'm working through the range of motion that my foot is capable of doing. If something hurts, I stop.

5) Proper footwear. When I had to go out in the first 72 hours, I wore a boot. Now, I wear regular shoes, but with the laces loosened almost as much as possible on the right foot.

6) Crutches. I had to use both in the first couple days, but now I'm down to using one as a cane just for support.

Normally a sprain can take up to six weeks to fully recover, but I am optimistic that I can be back to normal activity after about 3-4 weeks. In the meantime, I've been doing some upper body and ab work, and was able to incorporate hand cycling (my gym has a machine) and some hip flexor work as well. I probably won't be back to the ninja gym for at least 4 weeks, which is a bummer, but I don't want to do any activity that might require me to land on my feet from a height. Biggest lesson learned: DON'T BE A DAMN KLUTZ!

Spartan Obstacle Techniques for Maximum Efficiency

A lot of times, Spartan obstacles can be extremely intimidating, especially for beginners. There are plenty of YouTube tutorials on obstacles, but those tend to assume a certain level of fitness already. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to watch a Twister tutorial, only to see “just keep your biceps locked at 90 degrees as you haul backwards hand over hand!” If I could do that, jerk, I wouldn’t need the tutorial. Here is a tutorial for clearing certain Spartan obstacles using good old-fashioned technique rather than brute strength. I will also classify the obstacles as Beginner, Intermediate, and Advanced, with the later categories requiring more advance preparation in the gym to build more grip and upper-body strength.

Note: this list is not an exhaustive list of every Spartan obstacle. I decided to stick to obstacles that I either see a lot of folks requiring help on, or that I see people fail that I think could have done it with better technique.

Beginner

Tall wall (6’, 7’, 8’): jump/grab the top, put feet as flat against the wall as possible, then walk them up until you are hanging in a crouching position. From here, reach up with a foot (I like my non-dominant one) and hook your ankle on the top, using it to leverage your knee and groin so you straddle the wall. This technique works best when your feet are not coated in slick mud, but if you get your feet flat enough against the wall (requires some Achilles flexibility), it’s still doable when wet/muddy. This technique uses very little upper-body strength.

Z-wall: if your hands are large enough, hold on to the top holds with a pinch grip that is just hard enough to keep you up. Don’t overgrip. Walk on the bottom holds with the side of your forefoot, NOT your midfoot. This gives you the most surface contact. Count backwards on the bottom holds to ensure that you can round the outside corner easily (you will want to be straddling it, which is a much easier position).

Multi-rig (sprint): this is almost always just rings. Straight arms, use momentum to swing from ring to ring. If you need more momentum, generate it by pulling with the back arm on the backswing. This requires a bit of grip strength but in my opinion they are WAY easier than Spartan monkey bars.

Atlas carry: get on one knee, roll the ball up the kneeling thigh, then stand up with the other leg. Try to use as much legs and as little back as possible.

Herc hoist: use your body weight to “fall” backwards with the rope, then walk the hands up. Do this repeatedly until you got it up. To give your hands a break, you can stand on the slack rope that you’ve already pulled. Do NOT wrap the rope around any part of your body, as it could send you sailing into the air if you drop the bag.

Inverted wall: walk yourself up the underside, get your legs on the top rung, and get your ribcage over the top of the wall. Once your ribs are over, you can get the legs up and you won’t plummet.

Slip wall: lean back and keep the feet up and planted flat into the wall. Very important is the backwards lean. You should basically be squatting back, taking small steps to get up. Even if your feet are extremely muddy, you can clear this with proper technique.

Intermediate

Monkey bars: go thumbless. Grab the first bar, generate swing, and once you have enough momentum, COMMIT and grab the next bar. Go as quickly as you comfortably can. If the bars are set at different heights, get more swing for the higher grabs. In your training it is important to practice 1) swinging to get momentum, 2) gripping a thick bar, and 3) grabbing at different levels.

Multi-rig (super): these have rings and a horizontal bar. Use the straight-arm swing to get yourself up to the bar, then stay thumbless and shuffle sideways across to the next rings and continue.

Bender: grab whichever bar you can reach, then work up like monkey bars to get your arms to a higher bar. From there, put your feet on the bottom bar, work up the underside, put your ribcage as far over the top as you can, then get a leg up and over the top rung. Requires some hip flexibility, so do your hot yoga, people.

Beater: similar to monkey bars, except there is a spinning component. The spinning will actually help you generate momentum with your body swings to grab the next beater or bar. This one is all about commitment.

Rope climb: watch videos online to learn the S-wrap method (which I find more stable than the J-hook). Grab high on the rope and bring your knees up. The rope will be laying across your dominant foot between each lock. Stand on the rope with your non-dominant foot which will pinch the rope between your feet. Make sure you put your weight on your non-dominant foot rather than just trying to use muscle to pinch your feet together. Stand up straight, grip your hands higher up on the rope, then bring the knees up and repeat.

Advanced

Multi-rig (beast): this rig has vertical ropes to hold. Make sure your lane has knots at the bottom of the ropes before you start. All I can say is, practice gripping and swinging on ropes. There is no substitute for practice on this particular obstacle variation.

Twister: the method that uses the most momentum is a sideways swing, where you get going sideways and shuffle yourself across the holds laterally. I got nothing beyond that, though, because I can only make it to the end of the first section before my hands just hurt tremendously on those often-crappy grips.

Olympus: keep your feet high and flat, and work your way sideways methodically using the holes and the ball chains, always maintaining three points of contact with the wall. I never got anywhere on this one until I’d been training my lateral movement and grip for a LONG time.

Spear throw: hold the spear in the middle, take a deep breath, and throw straight at the target. Most folks pull across their body when they throw it, think straight forward. Even if you have great technique, this is always a crapshoot. Practice your burpees, haha.

Is It Hard? (That's What She Said)

In the process of completing the Spartan Beast Ohio last weekend, I thought very hard about what factors play into making a race easier or more difficult. The terrain? The obstacle layout? The distance? Certainly all of these play a factor, but to what degree? Some races have gained a reputation for being almost mythically difficult (see: Killington Ultra) while others are scoffed at as "beginner crap" (see: Dallas Ultra. I don't say it's beginner crap, by the way, because ANY Ultra is a HARD Ultra).

The way I see it, there are a handful of factors that play into race difficulty, and each of these factors carries a different amount of weight for each individual racer. There are people who have no trouble with hills, but loathe mud. There are people who love mud, but hate rainy weather. It is truly up to each person to research what a particular course/venue has to offer, then decide if it's right for them. It's a big part of why I provide so many details in my race recaps. They (hopefully) help others to get a sense of what sort of difficulty the race will provide.

Let's look at the factors that contribute to difficulty.

1) Distance

Obviously, the longer the distance, the greater the endurance challenge will be. Due to the nature of OCR, it's difficult to standardize the distance and get them perfectly accurate. Some courses are generally known to be a bit longer than others within their same grouping. Example: some Sprints are 3 miles, others closer to 5. Some Beasts are 12 miles, some closer to 15. There has been a push lately to make these discrepancies a bit lessened, but it's gonna be an uphill battle for a few years. Speaking of which...

2) Hilly vs Flat

There is a general consensus that hilly courses are always tougher than flat courses. I submit that this can be false. A hilly Sprint is certainly tougher than a flat one, but once you get to the Beast or the Ultra distances, a flat course could actually screw you up by overworking your hip flexors. It truly does depend on what kind of terrain you are accustomed to. I would urge someone, at the longer distances especially, to train on the kind of terrain you'll be racing. If it's hilly, it will feel easier if you don't fight the terrain too much and let gravity assist you on the downhill sections.

3) Mud

Mud is a huge wildcard. A course like the Ohio Beast, which is flat, can get mountainous levels of quadriceps resistance if you add enough mud or water. Likewise, a dry course might be easy, but the same advantage you enjoy will also be enjoyed by your opponents (if you are competitive). Also, what kind of mud are we talking about? There's a huge difference between Sucking Mud and Sloshing Mud. If you don't know WTF I'm talking about, sign up for next year's Chicago Super.

4) Inclement Weather Potential

Some areas, like the Pacific Northwest, are famously rainy. Some places are seasonally wet as well. Rain has potential to ruin your day. Thunderstorms can flat-out cancel an event, but even innocuous drizzle can make grip obstacles impossible for many folks (and god help you if there are a lot of grip obstacles in the race you chose). Chicken-winging works if you can do it, but again, either train in these conditions or at least consider them when planning your schedule. Rain can easily take a race from a 4 level of difficulty to a 9.

5) Obstacle Spacing

Courses are changed every year. They might not have the same obstacles in the same places. But looking at a previous year's course map, you can generally get a sense of how they space the obstacles. Even spacing is always nice to see, but often a race might be backloaded with obstacles near the festival/finish area (Spartan Ohio, looking at you), or might have random gauntlets of several obstacles in a row in the middle of the race if it loops near the festival (Spartan Minnesota). These can create some major fatigue zones, especially if there are two or more obstacles that you are very likely to fail. This contributes hugely to the difficulty of a course, no matter how good you are at OCR.

6) The Bob Hope Factor

A boring course is a tough course. If the terrain all looks the same, if there are no scenic vistas, if the obstacles are ho-hum, you will probably find your mental game slipping. To me, nothing makes a race harder than being friggin' BORED. Courses that keep you on your toes and have varied terrain/obstacles will help you feel fresh and focused throughout, making the difficulty level from the other factors on the list much more tolerable. Always find a race with the Bob Hope Factor!

How Sore Are You?

Muscle soreness. We all get it. We all suffer from it. But are you being a drama queen, or is it really that bad? To find out, we need to compile a fearless and searching inventory of our bodies, and place those results on my Soreness Scale. Before you dare complain publicly about how "trashed" you are, figure out if you're really trashed or if you're just, well, dramatic.

Soreness Level 1
Symptoms: Mostly marked by general fatigue, with slight soreness with big dynamic movements.
Severity: Very superficial. Does not affect quality of movement or life.
What To Do? Go work out. If you cannot work out through Level 1, I can't help you, man. You are too damn dramatic for words.

Soreness Level 2
Symptoms: This is when soreness becomes localized. You feel it in specific muscle groups that have been overworked, but only when the muscle is engaged. Your muscles may be tight.
Severity: Superficial, anywhere from 10-40% through the muscle.
What To Do? Go work out. Put out a slightly lower effort with the affected muscle groups.

Soreness Level 3
Symptoms: Muscle groups are pretty dang sore. You can feel it even when sitting/laying down. It becomes difficult to work through a full range of motion, and certain areas may feel particularly "tenderized." At this level you may start to worry about accidentally pulling something or cramping.
Severity: Deep, 50-80% through the muscle.
What To Do? Active recovery (a light cardio or yoga workout) is usually a good idea. Perhaps a light massage.

Soreness Level 4
Symptoms: Intense soreness, particularly in certain areas of certain muscle groups. You will not trust your body to "catch you" on descents such as down stairs or getting on the floor. At this phase limping is likely, or wincing as you lift your arms. Odds of accidentally pulling, hyperextending, or cramping seem extremely high. Large, dynamic movements (like walking across the street to the mailbox) will exhaust you quickly.
Severity: To the bone. Probably widespread.
What To Do? Nothing. Sit your ass down and relax. Drink lots of water, eat lots of protein. Do not massage until you get back to level 3.

Soreness Level 5
Symptoms: This is Defcon Whatever The Highest Defcon Is. The smallest movement is exhausting. You will be in pain even THINKING about making the slightest movement. Level 5 soreness is something most people will never experience in their lives. It takes special circumstances, most of them wholly preventable, to reach this level. You must fail a muscle repeatedly. You must be at least a little dehydrated. You must either lack the good sense to stop, or not care about the consequences.
Severity: Function in the muscle will be below 3%. You will, literally, barely be able to move.
What To Do? Exercise is out of the question. Hell, getting out of bed might be out of the question. This is, no exaggeration, a once-in-a-lifetime soreness that will make you lament all the times you bitched about being at a level 3. Hire a babysitter, call in friends to feed you, and pray.

Stuff I Like

Ever since my holiday book gift guide, I have thought about making a list here of stuff I like. Not books, but stuff. Gear, balms, clothes, just stuff. I have zero sponsorships from any of these brands, this is not a paid advertisement, I just like this stuff (and some of it is stuff I have tried a LOT of different solutions, only to find these that work best).

Badger Balm. This is a tin of greasy goodness that I use when my hands are torn from grip work or my underarms are chafed to high heaven. Note: if you put this on your palms, your hands will feel very greasy, so only put it on before bed.

Trail Toes. Anti-friction balm that works way better than anything else I've tried for blister prevention. This is especially good in cooler weather and wet conditions.

Sanabalm. As far as I know, this is only available from doctors, but it is an anti-friction powder that also works very well. Good for warm weather, it absorbs foot sweat that can contribute to the problem.

Moisture-wicking headbands. Any brand will do. My hair sweats like crazy so I need these for hot yoga and warm-weather or indoor cardio. If you need a brimmed hat, HeadSweats is the only brand I recommend for big-time sweating.

CamelBak. This is the exact one I use. It's the youth model, which I got because it's cheaper. I don't use the bladder because it's impossible to clean, but I stick a bottle in between the front and back pockets and it works like a charm.

Wave tool. A soft-tissue self-massage recovery tool. Full disclosure: I have only used this thing three times so far (I just got it this past week), but since the first time I used it I have had ZERO collarbone pain, and I'd been struggling with that for months. So I'm a believer. It also fixed my shin splints in a real hurry. This thing could be the difference, for me, between being able to train for the Ultra and curling up in a ball with a cheesecake, sobbing.

Tennis ball. This is also good for self-massage (rolling on the floor with it under your back to get out some trigger points). You can find these in your local Walmart, or in dog's mouths everywhere.

Waterproof socks. Every runner alive north of the Mason-Dixon line needs a pair of waterproof socks. They are ideal for cold and snowy conditions (they double as cold-proof and windproof socks). I have stepped in slush puddles with these bad boys and felt comfortable afterward. Wool socks might be warm, but they won't keep you dry like these will.

Less Obvious Race Day Prep

I've done a lot of races in my life, probably 60 road races and a few OCRs. The obvious key to race preparation is a great taper, whether it's a couple days or a couple weeks. But there is so much that goes into preparing yourself mentally and physically for a race that is NOT as obvious as "eat more carbs."

1) Trim your nails. Toes and fingers. If you have long or manky toenails you will live to regret it. With OCR, fingernails being short are also critical. I normally keep nice, long fingernails, but a few days before the race I trim them as short as I can stand, and make sure I have no hangnails. Toenails must be as short as possible. Don't trim them on race day, since if you screw up you want to have some recovery time.

2) Take the day before a race totally, completely off. This is as much for mental excitement as physical recovery. You want to be DYING to get moving. You want to feel like a hyper dog that has been let out of a kennel. To that end...

3) Read a book that makes you feel like a BAMF. Some of my faves: "Off Course" by Erin Beresini; Arnold Schwarzenegger's "Education of a Bodybuilder;" "The Long Walk" by Stephen King (seriously. You cannot feel sorry for yourself after reading a book wherein teen boys are shot in the head for stopping).

4) Make a list, like a physical paper list, of all the stuff you might need before, during or after the race. Start packing a week in advance. If you need a fuel belt or a Camelbak, revise your list down to bare essentials. Make sure you know what you're doing with your car key. Is there a bag check at the event? Know and plan for all of this in advance. You don't want to be stumbling around trying to get everything together on race day, or even the night before. Have all of your directions to the venue printed out beforehand, or plugged into an app or whatever the kids are doing these days.

5) I'm not much of a drinker. When someone asks me how many drinks I have I'll say "I dunno, maybe 2." They'll ask "2 a day? A week?" and I'll say "maybe two a year." But make sure one of those drinks isn't in the days before a race. Save the beer for after the race. It might not hurt but it certainly won't help. And do not, in the week before a race, introduce any suspicious foods into your diet. Thursday night is not the time to try the popular sashimi joint when you have a Saturday morning event.

Nutrition for Maximum Performance and Maximum Sanity

Not to brag, but I am pretty good at dieting. When I am on, I am on. For a little while. Then I fall off the wagon and, in the past, have rebounded spectacularly and suddenly I'm wondering how all these fast food receipts got into my purse in only 48 hours. What these incidents all have in common is they occur when I focus on my weight rather than on my performance. Trying to lose a lot of weight as quickly as possible is a mistake and your psyche is more likely to rebel.

In this last, and most successful, attempt at getting my weight stable and under control, I basically took it into three phases.

Phase 1: May-June 2017. I was at a high weight of 185 and decided I needed to drop as many pounds as possible before my first Spartan race (Lambeau Stadium, end of June). In 5 weeks I got down to 174 through very diligent calorie-counting and restriction to approximately 1700 calories a day. This is low for my size (5'11") but not so low as to be unsustainable for about a month.

Phase 2: July - October 2017. In this phase I was in no real hurry since I didn't have any more OCRs on my calendar and therefore wouldn't need to haul my body weight around. I took my calories up to about 1900 a day and worked on my walking fitness, while at the same time slowly building an OCR base of calisthenics, grip strength, and muscular endurance. During this phase I got down to about 164 lb very gradually.

Phase 3: November 2017 - present. I am still losing weight at a rate of approximately 1 lb a month, while eating around 2200-2300 calories a day. My goal is to maintain and build muscle mass while very slowly burning fat. With this diet I never feel deprived and no foods are "off limits," in fact I eat whatever I want to and can still lose weight thanks to the discipline I built in phases 1 and 2.

Everyone is different and no diet is perfect for every single body, but there are some basic principles one must follow to successfully lose weight over the long-term. I recommend these particular strategies for everyone.

1) Log your calories in and out. I use the app Lose It, but others use My Fitness Pal or other apps. There are ways to look up or scan your individual foods, but I personally tend to fall into disordered patterns when I do that, so I use approximately 15 years of calorie-counting experience to accurately estimate and total up my meals and snacks and just log the calories.

2) Get a food scale. This is critical for the aforementioned accuracy of one's calorie estimates. It is quite easy for me to measure out, for example, 100 grams of Frosted Mini Wheats (which I know is 350 calories) or to weigh a piece of fruit and just Google however many calories are in it. If there are foods that I don't know the counts, or I don't know exactly how big a portion I'm having, weighing it helps.

3) Avoid caloric beverages. I drink a lot of water, probably 100 oz a day. If I'm not drinking water, I'm having coffee with a bit of sugar-free creamer, or Diet Coke, or occasionally a glass of chocolate milk. Getting most of your fluid from regular soda, juice, frappuccinos, or god forbid, BOOZE is a massive mistake for weight management.

So those are my tips for everybody, and here are my basic eating principles that help support my training and general health.

A) I eat a lot of fiber. I really focus on it. I eat at least 35 grams of fiber every single day. When you work to eat at least two high-fiber (10+ grams) meals or snacks every day, your digestive health will thank you and you will feel more satiated. High fiber foods also tend to be fairly healthy with micronutrients.

B) Increase protein. I buy a dozen eggs and boil them on Sunday so I'll have an easy high-protein snack in the fridge all week. This is fantastic for muscle recovery. Any high-protein food will do.

C) If I'm craving it, eat it, in sensible portions. Sometimes I want some McDonalds. Instead of a value meal, I'll get a McChicken with no mayo and a small fries for 550 calories, which is a totally delicious lunch. If I want a cupcake from the bakery, I'll eat it, especially if I've worked out twice today. If you're at a big deficit for the week and you want dinner at Olive Garden, go! "Unhealthy" foods can fit just fine into a healthy lifestyle, since it's not like you eat massive quantities of crap all the time and don't exercise. This is how to maintain sanity. Do not ban any particular foods from your life unless you are allergic or they are a major trigger food for you (some folks can't eat just one or a few of something. This is why I no longer buy Fruit Rollups).

D) Don't proselytize, don't self-punish, don't talk endlessly about what you can and cannot eat. (That is boring shit. This blog post is basically it for me, y'all.) At the end of the day, one's diet is only one component of their training, and it's not the most vital part of performance. If you have a shitty day, don't beat yourself up and don't whine about it. Do better next time. It's a series of choices that you make every day. Choose to support your training with (mostly) healthy ones.

Finding a "Fitness Test" Workout

I have discovered a fabulous format for an obstacle race workout at my local lake trail. This particular loop is 1.25 miles and has 4 large metal rigs with monkey bars, dip bars, and box jump platforms that can give you a versatile workout. Today's workout was not super versatile, but it was super effective.

Loop 1: speed round, jog as much as possible; do every pass of monkey bars, then continue immediately. 16 minutes.

Loop 2: get a 20-lb sandbag, carry it around the loop. Drop it for every pass of monkey bars, then continue immediately. 19:50.

Loop 3: another speed round, same as loop 1. 16 minutes.

Loop 4: weighted, same as loop 2. 19:25 (faster than loop 2!).

Total workout time: 1:11:15 for 5 miles.

This workout will serve as an excellent fitness test. Not only does it test basic obstacle race skills, it also requires a fair amount of stamina. The plan is to do this same workout every now and then, with the hypothesis being that my time would improve every time I do it. This workout format is an excellent skeleton to apply to my Trifecta training as well. I can add calisthenics, burpees, broad jumps, crawls, or other "obstacles" to the loops easily. Carrying the sandbag around the lake will make the much shorter carries of Spartan races feel easier.

I highly recommend regularly (every other month, at least) doing a standard fitness test workout. It's a great way to gauge your progress and keep you motivated!

Crosstraining Cardio, Examined and Judged (Harshly)

It's that time of year again, when the weather turns horrible and going to the gym more often turns inevitable. If you're like me, the idea of spending countless hours a week on the "dreadmill" (as the cool old dudes call it) is torturous, and your gym's indoor track either doesn't exist or is very short. True story: I once did 18 miles on my gym's 14-laps-per-mile indoor track, a record that surely stands to this day because nobody else is as effing stupid as I am. Anyway, you may be thinking about branching out and doing cardio on other machines, just to quell the boredom. Here is what you should know about each one.

Recumbent bike. Pros: you get to sit down; it requires, by far, the least thought while you're on it. Cons: IT SUCKS. Seriously, if all you want out of your workout is to finish reading that library book, and to have a totally flat butt, the recumbent bike is for you.

Hand cycle. Pros: uses only upper body (no other cardio machine can boast that). Cons: difficult to use for extended periods of time; difficult to use AT ALL.

Upright bike. Pros: standard piece of equipment found everywhere; adequate substitute for a real outdoor bike ride. Cons: you better like biking, because if you hate biking, you will hate this. Either way, I will generally give a hard pass to any bike-related cardio experiences, except for the (VERY) occasional spin class, which is at least a decent sweat-fest.

Elliptical. Pros: low-impact workout that mimics walking semi-adequately; "rolling hills" setting does all the work of changing resistance and incline for you; easy to watch Netflix on (my gym now has that capability, so I watch a LOT of early-season Glee). Cons: the only machine more boring than the elliptical is the recumbent bike.

Arc trainer. Pros: apparently a lot of people like it. Cons: BIZARRE. What is this forward motion? You will feel NOTHING in your butt. (That's what she said.) Not a great crosstraining option for this reason. The glutes are the largest muscle in your core and demand to be engaged.

Lateral trainer. Pros: actually fun; gives you that hard-to-replicate rollerblading and cross-country ski lateral pushout motion. Cons: if you go too wide, it might bother your hips, knees, or ankles; if you go too narrow it DOES NOTHING (read in Rainier Wolfcastle's voice).

Rowing machine. Pros: uses a lot of upper body and core; good for days when your legs are just trashed; difficult. Cons: requires good technique and thought. Use this machine liberally if you have received proper instruction. You also can't watch TV on it, which makes it ill-suited for mindless miles.

Stairmaster. Pros: meh. Cons: these are not real stairs, and I hate them. It's tappy-tappy up-down garbage. There's a dude at my gym who would use the stairmaster for hours a day, holding himself up by the triceps, just tapping his toes down to make the pedals go. This blatant bastardization should not be *built into the equipment.*

Recumbent stepper. Pros: if you are over 70 years old, you will love this. Cons: if you are under 70 years old, you will hate this.

Stepmill. Pros: real stairs that never end; one hell of a workout, you WILL sweat. By far my favorite machine to crosstrain on, because stairs have incredible walk- and Spartan-enhancing powers. Cons: requires good core strength to stay upright, but you can build on that.

A New Kind of Interval Training

As we saw in June, I have gotten into obstacle course racing, which is a very satisfying way to cross-train for walkers. We develop upper body and grip strength, which is helpful with walking (keeping elbows at 90 degrees, and carrying bottles and such). It keeps things from getting boring (because let's face it, sometimes walking many miles every week and doing nothing else is a bit dull). It gives us a break from the same-old when we're burned out on cardio. And it makes us more well-rounded as athletes in general.

But pounding out reps at the gym is not always super fun, either. "There's got to be some kind of compromise!" we scream, remnants of protein bar flying out of our mouths. Good news: there is! Interval training! And it ain't your momma's interval training...assuming your momma does interval training. Mine doesn't. No, my favorite newfangled kind of workout combines walking and weights/calisthenics in a stupendously exciting way.

Two examples of my version of an interval workout:

1) Take something heavy (I have a 30 lb Spartan Pancake, which is essentially a round sandbag) to a local park. I have a pond/lake in my town that is surrounded by a 1.2-mile bike trail spotted with four outdoor exercise rigs. I carry my pancake around the lake, stopping at each rig to do monkey bars across, then climb through and around the outside of the rig, then maybe do some rig-related calisthenics (pushups, pullups, box jumps, etc) before picking up the pancake and moving on to the next. This mixes things up and keeps you constantly engaged, while at the same time giving you a distance to put miles on your feet. Imagine how much easier those miles will feel WITHOUT the pancake.

2) Mock Spartan Race. There is a free "outdoor gym" about 30 minutes from my house, featuring all kinds of interesting stuff - tire-flipping, arm ropes, A-frames to climb over, monkey bars, climbing ropes, etc. I have written out a workout that has about a dozen different "obstacles," and between each I need to walk a short (1/10-mile or so) loop in the area. You can do the circuit as many times as you want. Again, it's a fun way to keep your body guessing, and incorporate cardio into your workout so that you can have great all-around fitness.

Standard intervals are all about mixing up speeds, or "hard/recovery." With these sorts of interval workouts, you can keep the entire thing fairly difficult, while still being able to catch your breath and have fun. Win/win/win!

Fear the Unknown

"Stick to what you know." Seems like obvious advice...until we forget to follow it. And all of us occasionally forget to follow it!

When it comes to sport, particularly repetitive endurance sport, we want to make sure that whatever we put on or in our bodies is tried and true. You cannot wear a new outfit for a long workout, or try out a new pair of shoes. Your short workouts are for trying new things. You don't want to be stuck with shorts that chafe or a shirt with a weird seam somewhere when you have ten more miles to walk. And you certainly don't want to try a brand-new breakfast or mid-workout fueling plan when you have your most important race of the year on the line.

Sadly, there are times when even I get a bit careless and make a mistake. I screwed up badly on Sunday, you guys: I tried a new brand of sports drink. [pause for "GASP! NO! YOU FOOL"s]

I realized on Saturday that I had not purchased my trusty blue Powerade Zero for Sunday's long walk (10 miles), so I stopped at a Kwik Star and picked up a zero-calorie KwikAde fruit punch. Pretty quickly into my walk, I realized this was a massive error in judgment. Miles 1-5 were spent battling heartburn. Miles 6-10 the unpleasantness traveled to my small intestines and made me feel just awful. Oogy, as I say. Fortunately "an unpleasant feeling" was the total extent of it, but the damage was done, and my 10-mile walk was 5 minutes slower than the previous week.

It might seem like switching to a different brand or flavor of sports drink shouldn't be a big deal, but weigh the risks versus the potential benefits. At best, you will be fine, you may have saved 50 cents, and have an alternate option available if you forget your favorite again. At worst, your workout will be ruined. These are mistakes you want to make in your shorter workouts, if you must make them at all. Revel in the familiar; fear the unknown.

And avoid KwikAde!

Troubleshooting Your Blisters

I wrote about blisters a long time ago, but I realize now that I was remiss in not giving an extensive list of ways to troubleshoot your blister problems. I tried a LOT of stuff over the course of YEARS before I finally got down to the bottom of it. So here it is, a comprehensive list of things you should try if you get blisters "on the reg," as the kids say. I will start with the most obvious things at the top, and as you work your way down, you may find some very specific and/or bizarre-sounding advice that, no kidding, works like a damn charm if you have stubborn blisters. Between each number, just think the phrase "if THAT doesn't work, try..."

1) Build your mileage slowly. If you usually go 3 miles and decide to go 15 one day, yeah, you might get a blister or two.

2) You might be wearing improperly fitting shoes. Make sure they are a bit longer than your foot (to allow space for swelling), but not wider, unless your feet swell like crazy every time. Many people need a narrow shoe to avoid lots of sliding around in there, or might need a different shaped last (if you get large blisters in your forefoot, get a shoe with a narrower forefoot. Same with the heel). Running stores are notoriously terrible at helping with blisters - they are, after all, staffed by expert runners who have probably never had problems in their lives - but they can help you locate different-shaped lasts.

3) Consider orthotic inserts to get your perfect fit, also.

4) Socks make a difference, too. I like a thick technical sock (FitSox are my current favorite), bonus is it helps cuddle my narrow foot in my narrow shoe for an even more narrow fit. Some people prefer thin socks, but this is a shit idea, no offense. If you get blisters, go for a thick sock, because you might have weird sweat. My feet don't sweat much, but the sweat can be kind of sticky, which causes problems for me. The following are things you will want to try in an attempt to manage or even reconfigure your foot sweat.

5) Talcum powder. Put it all over your feet before putting socks on. My podiatrist gave me Sanabalm, one $6 container of which will last for approximately 5,000 years. I assume Gold Bond is similar.

6) Lotrimin AF foot spray. Seriously, I use this a few times a week before bed because even though I don't visibly have a foot fungus of any sort, it serves the dual function of instantly cooling my feet after a walk AND making my sweat less tacky. If you have tried a lot of stuff and still get blisters, give this a shot daily.

7) Drink lots of water and limit your sodium intake. Don't get me wrong, sodium is good, but cut it back to maybe 3000 mg a day and drink a gallon of water every day. Your sweat might change just enough to make blisters stop reappearing.

8) If you get to this point and are still getting huge blisters all the time, I don't know what to tell you. I have exhausted my troubleshooting capabilities. Chances are, for 99% of you, these tips will work. If they don't, go to a podiatrist who has experience with athletes.

9) Desperate times = desperate measures. If you still get blisters and want to try to prevent them in a more immediate way, the only ways I have found that work are either covering the typical blister area (BEFORE you get a blister there) with a blister band-aid or duct tape. Yes, duct tape. You can also apply a liquid bandage such as NewSkin to the area, although this does not work quite as well (it is more comfortable than a bunch of duct tape, but try it at your own risk, because blisters may form).

Why Shoe Reviews Are Useless

You may be wondering why I never post reviews or recommendations for shoes. The reason is simple: every foot is different. What works great for me would, statistically, probably be disastrous for someone else, and vice versa. For the record, I use a doctor-prescribed orthotic insert with the Asics GT-1000 4 running shoe in a size 11.5 2A. That is extremely specific, and therefore totally useless information to anyone besides myself.

Unfortunately, Asics (in their infinite wisdom) has chosen to end production of narrow (2A) sizes for all of their "less than $150 a pair" shoes. After purchasing lots of leftover pairs of my perfect shoe, I am running low on shoes and need to find a new setup. So here I thought, "how am I going to find a similar shoe? I know: read some reviews!"

As our orange president would say: WRONG. Turns out shoe reviews are totally awful and give zero information that anyone would find useful. Every shoe review I've ever read goes like this: "I tried the new Mizunike Air Magics, they are so comfortable on my feet! They felt like pillows! I went for a 1-mile jog and felt so amazing! I highly recommend these shoes!" What the hell am I supposed to do with this review?

What Shoe Reviews SHOULD Say:

1) Use the shoe for weeks. Not just one run. Tell us how they hold up over time.

2) How is the last? Is it narrow? Which parts are narrow? Which parts are wide? How is the length? Is the sizing as expected or is it short or tight?

3) How does this shoe compare to other shoes, fit-wise? How does it compare to last year's model?

4) How does it work for people with biomechanical issues? Chances are if you are reading shoe reviews, you have at least slightly picky feet. Yes, there are some folks that can choose a shoe based entirely on "cool looks," but they ain't reading reviews.

5) How is the value? Do you get a good amount of wear out of the shoes for the money?

With all my problems and with my narrow clown foot, I scoured these useless reviews for a couple of potentially useful nuggets. The key is learning how to read the review and not let a "negative review" faze you. Read it. I look for complaints such as "this shoe is so narrow it hurts," and "this shoe is really stiff." That is a sign that the shoe, even in a medium width, is more likely to fit me. Stiffness is a sign that the shoe might last more than 150 miles.

Learn how to write shoe reviews, and learn how to read shoe reviews. Your feet will thank you. And when your shoe ceases production (ASICS, you bastards), you will know how to find another one.