Spartan Beast Ohio 6/8/19 Garrettsville, OH
Weather: 80 degrees, sunny
Terrain: Off-road park, 1/3 each muddy forest, knee-deep water, and sand/gravel
Distance: 13 miles, approx. 30 obstacles
I arrived about 90 minutes early to the venue, pumped up by booty rap and ready to go! Only to find that, despite being told that we'd be able to park in the main lot if we had all-wheel drive, they were parking EVERYONE in the boonies. Got out of my car and started walking down the road. After literally a mile of walking, I came across a line of people waiting for a shuttle, of which there were a total of four. Four buses. We saw zero come by for a while. Cars were coming by trying to get closer to the venue, and one of them said we could hop in his truck bed. I quickly got on with about 7 other Spartans and we waved to the others in line as if we'd gotten on the last lifeboat on the Titanic. Two miles later (!!!) we arrived at the main parking lot, profusely thanked our pickup-truck savior, and I headed for check-in.
After finishing my second breakfast and enjoying a little Rick Astley on the sound system, I checked my bag and went to the start corral. The waves were running a bit behind due to the parking disaster, so my 8:45 wave started closer to 9 AM. We started off through muddy forest and one of the groups near me had these women who made loud screeching sounds every time they encountered a tiny bit of mud. LOLOLOL you bitches have NO IDEA what you are in for today. Let me explain the terrain thusly: there are three primary ecosystems in the Spartan Beast Ohio. 1) Forest with mud. The mud would range from none to thigh-deep. Fortunately the mud was not shoe-sucking like the Chicago Super. It was just gross. Which is very doable, as long as you keep your hands dry. 2) Underwater. It's either a marsh or a stream (really a flooded ATV road), but it's about knee deep. 3) Sand dune/gravel road, or sandy hill with giant rocks to climb up/down. The ecosystems were split so that a total of about 1/3 of the course was each of these. You never knew what was coming next. You could go from marsh to mud to gravel to mud to gravel to marsh to MORE MARSH. It was a surprising challenge of resistance for the legs that felt similar to a hilly course. It was AWESOME. And disgusting. There, now I don't have to describe the terrain too much anymore. ;)
As for the course, the first mile only had two Overwalls followed by a hay wall. Easy peasy. We wound through the forest until the 7' wall, which I got over solo by the grace of God. My feet were not so muddy that I couldn't walk them up and do the ankle-hook technique. Next, after a long stretch of muddy marsh, we encountered Olympus. "JESUS H CHRIST" I exclaimed for what would not be the last time that day. I've been practicing Olympus skills for months, as you've read on my blog, but muddy, wet feet wouldn't help. I went to the outside lane that moved left to right, got on, maintained three points of contact, and used the holes and the chain balls to work my way across. Slowly but surely, I got all the way to the end and rang the bell. I was ECSTATIC. As far as I was concerned, the race could end right now and I'd be alright. That was the one thing I really didn't want to fail today, and I did it. This was exactly the confidence boost I needed going into mile 2.
Next obstacle, and the only obstacle in this mile, was Pipe Lair, which I'd never done before. It was easy as hell. After the 3 mile mark was Stairway to Sparta, which was made more challenging with the rock climbing holds about 7 feet up the wall. I got a boost to the holds, made my way to grabbing the top, then walked my feet up the holds until I got up and over the ladder portion. After mile 4 and a fun rocky section, we reached monkey bars, which were way easier than last week's in Chicago. Not nearly as big of gaps, and I made it through easily. More wet and gravelly back and forth before we reached Armer, which was fairly soggy but I found the driest lane and went for it. After another soggy slog through marsh we hit the 8' wall, where I needed a boost this time. Water stop and mile 5.
Next we discovered the crawl tubes, which I called "tubular!" and a group of young bros was polite enough to laugh. The tubes were full of sand and rocks, so I kept my hands in fists to protect my palms. Mile 6. Then we found Bender. I'd seen a lady on Instagram work her way backwards up the ladder like monkey bars, then get her feet on the rungs. I tried that technique and it worked great. Struggled getting over the top but I did it eventually once the volunteer reminded me to put my leg over the damn top. First time doing Bender totally by myself! Yay! Next was the sandbag carry, which had the men's sandbags labelled, but not the women's. Turns out there was no visible difference between the sandbags, and a lot of men were returning their sandbag to what was SUPPOSED to be the women's bin, because men can be idiots (sorry, fellas, you know it's true). So by the grace of the lordt [sic] I managed to get an actual women's sandbag, although other women weren't so lucky. Up and down the same steep, gravelly slopes as last year's Ohio Sprint, only this time we went up and down THREE TIMES. It felt like a half mile, literally. It was ROUGH, y'all.
After a much needed water stop, we got to the 6' wall and it was easily scaled. Next was multi-rig, and I was disappointed to see ropes on it (3 rings, bar, 2 ropes, 1 ring, bell). I've never done ropes. But I made it across the rings and the bar with ease...only to fall right off the rope. Damn. First obstacle failure of the day, right around the halfway point. Thirty burpees! If the rig had been a normal rig instead of a Beast Mode rig (meaning, if it'd had just rings and a bar) I would have gotten it fine. So at least that was a consolation. Next was Z-walls which I got through fine. Mile 7, where the Ultra people rejoined us (they had to go back to mile 7 after hitting mile 11 on their first loop). Twister! I got through the first (of three) section(s) before I had to fall down. My hands just HURT on it. This one at least had a penalty loop instead of burpees, so I joined an Ultra guy on the sandy/rocky slope for my 1/4 mile of funishment. "You're not even muddy yet," he said. "There's about a mile and a half of nasty slop coming up." Yay?
Next obstacle was supposed to be hurdles, but they were closed. (Heard later it was due to lack of volunteers?) Mile 8. Next was The Box, an 8' wall with a short rope on it that was hard to grab the top of. I couldn't do it and I decided rather than trouble a man for a boost like everyone else, I would do the penalty lap. This was the biggest mistake of my day, dammit. That penalty loop was DIABOLICAL. It was knee-deep, thick, orange, nasty mud. With rocks and roots in it. And we had to carry a goddamn sandbag. For about 1/4 mile. FML. It was by far the worst part of the race. Super glad when it was over! Passed mile 9 and did the inverted wall, then passed by the log carry which was the other closed obstacle of the day. After mile 10 we got to the bucket, which was long (about 1/3 mile or so) and muddy as hell. It reminded me of the Attica Beast. The only thing that makes the bucket carry challenging, in my opinion, is unstable terrain like sand and mud. This was tough. I saw several people resting in the middle. It also had the first photographer of the day, so I tried to smile. Mile 11.
Next was the vertical cargo net, where a nice man gave me a boost to the platform and the tight net made the climb over easy. Another photographer here! We made our way past mile 12 and got to the festival area, where there were lots of spectators to make the atmosphere much more festive. Now was a finishing gauntlet of tons of obstacles in the last mile. Bring it on. First was a 50-yard barbed wire crawl which felt like an eternity and had a photographer at the end. We made sure we were all smiling pretty for that.
Spear throw next, which I'd been practicing. I came so close but didn't get a stick. Thirty burpees for the second time today. Then was a dry and easy slip wall, followed by muddy, wet patches, the A-frame cargo, and more muddy patches. The rope climb is not what you want to see after strolling through mud, but I put on my dollar-store work gloves and tried my best. My hands were fine in the gloves but I couldn't lock in my feet at all. Thirty burpees. Then was Atlas carry with another photographer, which went well.
Beater was right after that, and I was nervous because I'd never done it before, but I've been working on high transitions at the ninja gym. Beater turned out to be easy and fun for me! Thankfully I am tall so I have good reach. Had three beaters in a row, the middle one high up. It wasn't tough to swing up and make the grab. Yay! Tyro traverse was next and didn't go well. Put on my gloves, but dried mud on the rope kept falling in my mouth and I was just NOT HAVING IT. Thirty burpees again, and I saw two women come into the burpee pit, do 5 squat thrusts, and leave. UGH. Cheaters. There is no place for that in the Beast. I had to do my burpees only three at a time (it was over 80 degrees and we were in direct sunlight), but I did them all and I did them properly. A man in the burpee pit was lamenting the next obstacle, Herc Hoist, and when I said I was decent at that one he said "well, you're a woman and you have some weight to you!" which was pretty hilarious. Only I would take that as a compliment! Also during these burpees I realized I'd gotten a small rip on my left hand at some point, probably recently. Oops.
Lots of people were failing the Herc Hoist by letting the bag drop. It did feel heavier than usual but I made it work. Should've worn my gloves though. This was followed by rolling mud and dunk wall, which was inflatable and about 2-3 feet across. It was scary to have to go underwater that long but I survived. Fire jump to the finish was so satisfying. Finish time of 5:35 was also satisfying, since it was 35 minutes faster than Attica on similarly difficult terrain! Got my goodies and took a shuttle back to where my car was, then I had to drive forever to find my way out of the labyrinthine parking disaster.
After finishing my second breakfast and enjoying a little Rick Astley on the sound system, I checked my bag and went to the start corral. The waves were running a bit behind due to the parking disaster, so my 8:45 wave started closer to 9 AM. We started off through muddy forest and one of the groups near me had these women who made loud screeching sounds every time they encountered a tiny bit of mud. LOLOLOL you bitches have NO IDEA what you are in for today. Let me explain the terrain thusly: there are three primary ecosystems in the Spartan Beast Ohio. 1) Forest with mud. The mud would range from none to thigh-deep. Fortunately the mud was not shoe-sucking like the Chicago Super. It was just gross. Which is very doable, as long as you keep your hands dry. 2) Underwater. It's either a marsh or a stream (really a flooded ATV road), but it's about knee deep. 3) Sand dune/gravel road, or sandy hill with giant rocks to climb up/down. The ecosystems were split so that a total of about 1/3 of the course was each of these. You never knew what was coming next. You could go from marsh to mud to gravel to mud to gravel to marsh to MORE MARSH. It was a surprising challenge of resistance for the legs that felt similar to a hilly course. It was AWESOME. And disgusting. There, now I don't have to describe the terrain too much anymore. ;)
As for the course, the first mile only had two Overwalls followed by a hay wall. Easy peasy. We wound through the forest until the 7' wall, which I got over solo by the grace of God. My feet were not so muddy that I couldn't walk them up and do the ankle-hook technique. Next, after a long stretch of muddy marsh, we encountered Olympus. "JESUS H CHRIST" I exclaimed for what would not be the last time that day. I've been practicing Olympus skills for months, as you've read on my blog, but muddy, wet feet wouldn't help. I went to the outside lane that moved left to right, got on, maintained three points of contact, and used the holes and the chain balls to work my way across. Slowly but surely, I got all the way to the end and rang the bell. I was ECSTATIC. As far as I was concerned, the race could end right now and I'd be alright. That was the one thing I really didn't want to fail today, and I did it. This was exactly the confidence boost I needed going into mile 2.
Next obstacle, and the only obstacle in this mile, was Pipe Lair, which I'd never done before. It was easy as hell. After the 3 mile mark was Stairway to Sparta, which was made more challenging with the rock climbing holds about 7 feet up the wall. I got a boost to the holds, made my way to grabbing the top, then walked my feet up the holds until I got up and over the ladder portion. After mile 4 and a fun rocky section, we reached monkey bars, which were way easier than last week's in Chicago. Not nearly as big of gaps, and I made it through easily. More wet and gravelly back and forth before we reached Armer, which was fairly soggy but I found the driest lane and went for it. After another soggy slog through marsh we hit the 8' wall, where I needed a boost this time. Water stop and mile 5.
Next we discovered the crawl tubes, which I called "tubular!" and a group of young bros was polite enough to laugh. The tubes were full of sand and rocks, so I kept my hands in fists to protect my palms. Mile 6. Then we found Bender. I'd seen a lady on Instagram work her way backwards up the ladder like monkey bars, then get her feet on the rungs. I tried that technique and it worked great. Struggled getting over the top but I did it eventually once the volunteer reminded me to put my leg over the damn top. First time doing Bender totally by myself! Yay! Next was the sandbag carry, which had the men's sandbags labelled, but not the women's. Turns out there was no visible difference between the sandbags, and a lot of men were returning their sandbag to what was SUPPOSED to be the women's bin, because men can be idiots (sorry, fellas, you know it's true). So by the grace of the lordt [sic] I managed to get an actual women's sandbag, although other women weren't so lucky. Up and down the same steep, gravelly slopes as last year's Ohio Sprint, only this time we went up and down THREE TIMES. It felt like a half mile, literally. It was ROUGH, y'all.
After a much needed water stop, we got to the 6' wall and it was easily scaled. Next was multi-rig, and I was disappointed to see ropes on it (3 rings, bar, 2 ropes, 1 ring, bell). I've never done ropes. But I made it across the rings and the bar with ease...only to fall right off the rope. Damn. First obstacle failure of the day, right around the halfway point. Thirty burpees! If the rig had been a normal rig instead of a Beast Mode rig (meaning, if it'd had just rings and a bar) I would have gotten it fine. So at least that was a consolation. Next was Z-walls which I got through fine. Mile 7, where the Ultra people rejoined us (they had to go back to mile 7 after hitting mile 11 on their first loop). Twister! I got through the first (of three) section(s) before I had to fall down. My hands just HURT on it. This one at least had a penalty loop instead of burpees, so I joined an Ultra guy on the sandy/rocky slope for my 1/4 mile of funishment. "You're not even muddy yet," he said. "There's about a mile and a half of nasty slop coming up." Yay?
Next obstacle was supposed to be hurdles, but they were closed. (Heard later it was due to lack of volunteers?) Mile 8. Next was The Box, an 8' wall with a short rope on it that was hard to grab the top of. I couldn't do it and I decided rather than trouble a man for a boost like everyone else, I would do the penalty lap. This was the biggest mistake of my day, dammit. That penalty loop was DIABOLICAL. It was knee-deep, thick, orange, nasty mud. With rocks and roots in it. And we had to carry a goddamn sandbag. For about 1/4 mile. FML. It was by far the worst part of the race. Super glad when it was over! Passed mile 9 and did the inverted wall, then passed by the log carry which was the other closed obstacle of the day. After mile 10 we got to the bucket, which was long (about 1/3 mile or so) and muddy as hell. It reminded me of the Attica Beast. The only thing that makes the bucket carry challenging, in my opinion, is unstable terrain like sand and mud. This was tough. I saw several people resting in the middle. It also had the first photographer of the day, so I tried to smile. Mile 11.
I feel pretty.
Next was the vertical cargo net, where a nice man gave me a boost to the platform and the tight net made the climb over easy. Another photographer here! We made our way past mile 12 and got to the festival area, where there were lots of spectators to make the atmosphere much more festive. Now was a finishing gauntlet of tons of obstacles in the last mile. Bring it on. First was a 50-yard barbed wire crawl which felt like an eternity and had a photographer at the end. We made sure we were all smiling pretty for that.
Serving you Farrah Fawcett realness.
Spear throw next, which I'd been practicing. I came so close but didn't get a stick. Thirty burpees for the second time today. Then was a dry and easy slip wall, followed by muddy, wet patches, the A-frame cargo, and more muddy patches. The rope climb is not what you want to see after strolling through mud, but I put on my dollar-store work gloves and tried my best. My hands were fine in the gloves but I couldn't lock in my feet at all. Thirty burpees. Then was Atlas carry with another photographer, which went well.
"Yup, this is my life now"
Beater was right after that, and I was nervous because I'd never done it before, but I've been working on high transitions at the ninja gym. Beater turned out to be easy and fun for me! Thankfully I am tall so I have good reach. Had three beaters in a row, the middle one high up. It wasn't tough to swing up and make the grab. Yay! Tyro traverse was next and didn't go well. Put on my gloves, but dried mud on the rope kept falling in my mouth and I was just NOT HAVING IT. Thirty burpees again, and I saw two women come into the burpee pit, do 5 squat thrusts, and leave. UGH. Cheaters. There is no place for that in the Beast. I had to do my burpees only three at a time (it was over 80 degrees and we were in direct sunlight), but I did them all and I did them properly. A man in the burpee pit was lamenting the next obstacle, Herc Hoist, and when I said I was decent at that one he said "well, you're a woman and you have some weight to you!" which was pretty hilarious. Only I would take that as a compliment! Also during these burpees I realized I'd gotten a small rip on my left hand at some point, probably recently. Oops.
Lots of people were failing the Herc Hoist by letting the bag drop. It did feel heavier than usual but I made it work. Should've worn my gloves though. This was followed by rolling mud and dunk wall, which was inflatable and about 2-3 feet across. It was scary to have to go underwater that long but I survived. Fire jump to the finish was so satisfying. Finish time of 5:35 was also satisfying, since it was 35 minutes faster than Attica on similarly difficult terrain! Got my goodies and took a shuttle back to where my car was, then I had to drive forever to find my way out of the labyrinthine parking disaster.
Yaaassss queen!
Pros:
-Terrain. So uniquely challenging. Highly recommended.
-Obstacles. The diversity was great, and that finishing gauntlet at the end means spectators have a lot to look at. I also like that the terrain itself serves as "obstacles" in the more barren parts of the race.
-Refreshments. Beer was easy to find, and we could choose between a variety of BodyArmor stuff. We got a protein bar, too!
-Obstacles. The diversity was great, and that finishing gauntlet at the end means spectators have a lot to look at. I also like that the terrain itself serves as "obstacles" in the more barren parts of the race.
-Refreshments. Beer was easy to find, and we could choose between a variety of BodyArmor stuff. We got a protein bar, too!
Cons:
-Parking. It seems that the parking volunteers had not received adequate directions on what kind of cars could go through to the main lot and what kind could not. Please, Spartan, communicate better with the volunteers!
-Now I'm scared to do the Ohio Ultra next year. The terrain was great for a taste, but maybe not for a swallow?
-Now I'm scared to do the Ohio Ultra next year. The terrain was great for a taste, but maybe not for a swallow?
Race Grade: B+. I really enjoyed this race, but parking was too hot of a mess to get an A.
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