Race Recap: 2017 Hungry Turkey Half Marathon

Hungry Turkey Half Marathon (Des Moines) Race Report

When: Saturday, November 25, 2017

Where: Des Moines, IA

Weather: 40s, up to low 50s

Division: Open

This was my second year in a row doing the Hungry Turkey Half Marathon, but they totally changed the location and course this year, so I was interested to see how it would differ from the Des Moines Half Marathon I did last month. The start lines are mere blocks apart. Got myself a sweet suite at the Embassy Suites, which was an easy half-block walk from the start line of the Hungry Turkey. Arrived at 8:55 AM for the 9 AM start, which ended up being the 9:05 start. Tough when it’s not super warm out, but the weather was about as amazing as you can hope for in Iowa in late November. Low 40s to start, sunny, and not windy (10 MPH tops).

Unfortunately, my fellow walkers totally sucked in the first mile (before the half and 5K split). I got stuck surrounded by very slow 5K walkers, which is fine and expected. What I didn’t expect was that I would still be catching very slow 5K walkers for the entire first mile of the course. The BALLS on these folks. They had to have started on the damn line! Who DOES that? The first rule of walking a race: start at the back, fools. Anyway, I was dodging a lot of ignorant people for a mile. Once we split, I was basically alone, which was amazing.

In fact, this entire course was amazing. It was mostly on paved recreation trails, which is my favorite walking surface in general. And it was mostly through parks, giving a scenic, somewhat secluded setting for a lovely walk on a lovely day. The trails were open to the public, so we got to see cyclists and joggers and such enjoying their day. It is hard to feel sorry for yourself in a race when you see a dude with an artificial leg (and a brace on the other leg) hobbling around the park for exercise. Re: the course, like the Des Moines Half Marathon (DMHM), it takes you around Gray’s Lake and through Water Works Park, only this was in reverse order from the Des Moines race, which frankly allowed me to enjoy both locations more. It’s good to go through Gray’s Lake park when you are still lucid.

Along the way, the volunteers were amazing. Lots of teenagers with lots of enthusiasm. The police presence at intersections was also top-notch. Signage was stellar. No ambiguity over which direction you need to go, unlike at the DMHM. Water stops were spaced a bit far for my taste, and there was no Gatorade until after the halfway point, although once they offered Gatorade it was delicious. Orange flavored and perfectly mixed.

After looping Water Works Park, we spent the last 5 miles or so walking back to the finish line, making it basically an out-and-back course. This was great, as I got to see all the folks for large portions of the race, then enjoy some solo time in between catching up to folks. When runners start walking, I walk them down, and I got to do that 6 times in this race. We came back out of the parks areas with about 2 miles to go, which was nice. It’s easier to wallow in blisters and stride hitches when you’re alone in the woods, but with cars driving by it would be awkward. Yes, I had a few blisters, and my stride wasn’t flawless (I hadn’t done a long walk since DMHM), but I felt pretty damn good and was having fun, and my pacing was fairly even – I slowed down by maybe 20 seconds per mile, very gradually. Basically, my back half was 2 minutes slower than my front half. Not bad at all.

Crossed the finish line in 2:57, which is way better than I thought I would do (I figured I’d be between 3 flat and 3:05), and 2 ½ minutes faster than DMHM. I immediately grabbed my medal, a bottle of water, and a huge, packaged cinnamon roll, which was the only swag offered, and walked back to the Embassy Suites with a smile on my face.

Good: 

-course. Amazing. Perfectly spaced mile markers. Probably the best I’ve ever seen, in both categories. Pretty flat but with a few small hills throughout at just the right times to mix up the muscles.

-shirt. They offered a hoodie this year that is way superior to last year’s ¼-zip. The sleeves are long enough for gangly me.

-cinnamon roll. This thing was GOOD. I ate it in the car on the drive home. Probably a 700-calorie bomb. Much appreciated.

-weather. Not the race’s doing, but it didn’t hurt, that’s for sure.

-volunteers. Awesome group.

-organization. Extremely simple, but well executed.

Bad:

-medal. Very plain, and you get the same medal as the 5K folks, but it’s not *horrible.* I just have to nitpick a bit.

-start on time! (again, nitpicking)

-price. The race is a bit expensive ($50) considering the lack of a finishing spread. But what you get is good.

Race Grade: A. Fantastic alternative to the Des Moines Half Marathon in October, if you’re willing to risk that it would be very cold.

Crosstraining Cardio, Examined and Judged (Harshly)

It's that time of year again, when the weather turns horrible and going to the gym more often turns inevitable. If you're like me, the idea of spending countless hours a week on the "dreadmill" (as the cool old dudes call it) is torturous, and your gym's indoor track either doesn't exist or is very short. True story: I once did 18 miles on my gym's 14-laps-per-mile indoor track, a record that surely stands to this day because nobody else is as effing stupid as I am. Anyway, you may be thinking about branching out and doing cardio on other machines, just to quell the boredom. Here is what you should know about each one.

Recumbent bike. Pros: you get to sit down; it requires, by far, the least thought while you're on it. Cons: IT SUCKS. Seriously, if all you want out of your workout is to finish reading that library book, and to have a totally flat butt, the recumbent bike is for you.

Hand cycle. Pros: uses only upper body (no other cardio machine can boast that). Cons: difficult to use for extended periods of time; difficult to use AT ALL.

Upright bike. Pros: standard piece of equipment found everywhere; adequate substitute for a real outdoor bike ride. Cons: you better like biking, because if you hate biking, you will hate this. Either way, I will generally give a hard pass to any bike-related cardio experiences, except for the (VERY) occasional spin class, which is at least a decent sweat-fest.

Elliptical. Pros: low-impact workout that mimics walking semi-adequately; "rolling hills" setting does all the work of changing resistance and incline for you; easy to watch Netflix on (my gym now has that capability, so I watch a LOT of early-season Glee). Cons: the only machine more boring than the elliptical is the recumbent bike.

Arc trainer. Pros: apparently a lot of people like it. Cons: BIZARRE. What is this forward motion? You will feel NOTHING in your butt. (That's what she said.) Not a great crosstraining option for this reason. The glutes are the largest muscle in your core and demand to be engaged.

Lateral trainer. Pros: actually fun; gives you that hard-to-replicate rollerblading and cross-country ski lateral pushout motion. Cons: if you go too wide, it might bother your hips, knees, or ankles; if you go too narrow it DOES NOTHING (read in Rainier Wolfcastle's voice).

Rowing machine. Pros: uses a lot of upper body and core; good for days when your legs are just trashed; difficult. Cons: requires good technique and thought. Use this machine liberally if you have received proper instruction. You also can't watch TV on it, which makes it ill-suited for mindless miles.

Stairmaster. Pros: meh. Cons: these are not real stairs, and I hate them. It's tappy-tappy up-down garbage. There's a dude at my gym who would use the stairmaster for hours a day, holding himself up by the triceps, just tapping his toes down to make the pedals go. This blatant bastardization should not be *built into the equipment.*

Recumbent stepper. Pros: if you are over 70 years old, you will love this. Cons: if you are under 70 years old, you will hate this.

Stepmill. Pros: real stairs that never end; one hell of a workout, you WILL sweat. By far my favorite machine to crosstrain on, because stairs have incredible walk- and Spartan-enhancing powers. Cons: requires good core strength to stay upright, but you can build on that.