Race Recap: Spartan Super Chicago

Spartan Super Chicago 6/23/18 Richmond, IL

Weather: 70s and sunny

Trails: Flat and extremely muddy farmland and recreation area

Distance: approx 8.25 miles, 29 obstacles

In the days leading up to my first-ever Super I had heard many warnings about the level of mud that was expected at the event. Not only was this a typically muddy course, there had been ceaseless rain in the area over the previous week that had turned muddy into MUDDY. Perhaps due to a base survival instinct, perhaps naivety, I assumed the warnings were at least slightly exaggerated. Spoiler alert: NOPE. This was, flat out, bar none, not even close, the MUDDIEST experience I can EVEN IMAGINE EVER HAVING in my ENTIRE LIFE. Not to be dramatic, but...just setting the stage for expectations for this recap. 

Parking at nearby Richardson Adventure Farm had a bit of a queue when I arrived at around 8 AM, but went smoothly as we were all directed efficiently into spaces in the large grassy field. There was a long line of shuttle buses waiting to quickly whisk us away for a 5-10 minute ride to the venue. Get off the bus and boom. Here it is. Thick, brownie-batter mud all the way up to the festival area. And in the festival area. Everywhere. Fortunately check-in was easy and they honored my request for an earlier start with no fuss (they moved me from 10:30 AM to 9:45 AM!). My shoes ruined already and with over an hour to wait for my start, I settled in along the fence by the finisher chute (one of the few square feet that had a patch of green) and oogled the elite men who had just finished and the elite women who were finishing. When the time came, I waded through the muck to bag check, then got into the start corral and did half-assed stretching while listening to everyone around me saying "yeah, the ENTIRE COURSE will be like this, this is not even the worst of it," and still refusing to entertain the notion that everyone is accurate. It was as if I had taken a bath in Delusion by Jinkx Monsoon. CONVINCE YOURSELF! Although I did take the time to prepare myself mentally for nonstop mud. I knew I wasn't leaving this race without a finisher medal, so who cares?

Started the race and the running was indeed slow-going. Not only was the mud treacherous and energy-sapping, there were these little creek crossings in ravines that brought the action to a screeching halt every 1/2 mile or so. We did 4' walls, then a 6' wall (which, by some miracle of Jesus, I made it over completely by myself! Grabbed the top, walked up my feet, and wrestled my Amazonian ass over it!), then a 7' wall, which I needed a boost on. Then came the monkey bars, which I figured would be no problem. But wait, these are not ordinary monkey bars. They are FAR APART and set at different heights. Even at 5'11" with a great reach, I had a lot of trouble getting enough swing to grab the next bar. On two separate occasions during this 90-second ordeal, I missed the next bar and had to save myself by grabbing my bar and kipping myself until I got enough swing to reach. Not gonna lie, I felt like Jessie Graf from American Ninja Warrior out there. I felt so strong and powerful and like "holy shit, I am going to MAKE IT!" Then this unholy bitch came out of nowhere barreling through on my left side and knocked me off the second-to-last bar. The bell was 3 feet in front of my face, and I got THROWN OFF. She didn't even apologize or turn around. I was so furious that I must confess to having violent thoughts. Chubby Short Girl With Green Shorts, if you are reading this, you have some horrific karma coming your way. I thought for a minute about whether I was going to do burpees and I thought "you know what? NO. I did NOT FAIL that shit. I got KNOCKED DOWN with one bar to go." Some people might disagree with my decision to skip the burpees, but it was the beginning of what I knew would be a long day and I was already feeling super angry. (Also the monkey bars tore calluses off the pads of each hand, so...ouch. Throughout the rest of the race I got mud and dirt in them and was just like "...this really smarts.")

Photo taken seconds before disaster.

The good news: I did calm down again after about 5 minutes! I had decided with all the mud it was critical for me to use my hot-yoga-developed focus and presence to remain as calm and zen as possible. Every step taken was one less step remaining. I took time to deeply breathe and accept my muddy fate. And it worked, I must say. My attitude about the mud was quite relaxed throughout the race. Let The Mud Happen To You. Continuing right along, I got over the inverted wall with no problems, as well as Herc Hoist (which thankfully they must have put out the bags after the rain ended, because they were light). Twister was an epic fail. I made it nowhere. Thirty burpees! I was in good company! And I managed to find a patch of not-deep-mud to do them on. After that was the bucket carry (a photographer caught me looking fabulous - I like the bucket, it's easy) and Atlas Carry, which was somehow tougher than in Minnesota despite this being drier. 

Lookin' good and feeling good!

Then came Rolling Mud and the dunk wall, followed immediately by a barbed wire crawl. This. Was. MISERABLE. It's as close as I came all day to really losing my zen. That barbed wire crawl through muddy water, scraping your knees and elbows along countless rocks of all sizes, getting thick mud DOWN MY PANTS, was truly a horrible experience. After the race I developed many bruises from this obstacle. The less said about it, the better. After this was a weird area where we went up and down these stairs through a "castle" of sorts. Interesting! Then was the Z-walls, which were so muddy and we were all so muddy that tons of people were failing them. I made it through one step before I just slipped right off. Thirty burpees. 

Someone show me how to do Z-walls with mud opera gloves.

Next up was a giant wall that is listed as 8' on the map but I am sure it was at least 9'. I'm nearly 6' tall and this wall TOWERED over me. I needed one strong man lifting each of my legs to get me to grab onto the top, which was slick with mud. Getting down was terrifying but I made it without dying. Next up was Bender, which I'd never done before. It's basically a tilted ladder that you crawl up and over, but the ladder starts 6' off the ground. After getting a boost to the first rung, I very carefully crawled/walked my slippery shoes up and over this thing and back down. HARROWING! There was a lady out there with a service dog that would not stop barking (I thought service dogs were better trained than that?) and it wasn't helping my nerves, that's for sure. After Bender came a second barbed wire crawl which was not wet or rocky, but the dryness made it hard to crawl. The service dog crawled under with its human, which was neat. But the lady was totally judging how I was crawling. She's like "you should roll!" I said "I get too dizzy." "So turn around and roll the other way." "I have a Camelbak on." Like geez, lady, just do your race and I'll do mine. I moved far over so the rollers could pass me, anyway.

At some point during the running portion of the race (on one of the rare somewhat-dry stretches), a good-looking guy playfully asked me "got any goodies in that pack?" I told him I had Nutter Butters because I like having cookies mid-race, and he said "I LOVE cookies mid-race." It was, by far, the sexiest interaction I have ever had while soaked in filth. Thank you, Anonymous Spartan Man, for brightening a very muddy day with a little harmless flirtation! Being in my mid-30s and married, it was a rare treat. :)

Anyway, after the last barbed wire crawl were several climb-over obstacles. Vertical Cargo and Stairway to Sparta went fine, despite being slick and spooky. I needed a boost on the latter. Then was the 5' hurdles which I am normally good at, but this time on the first hurdle I abruptly and violently pulled my right trapezius and nearly threw up/fainted from the pain. Despite feeling like I might puke I managed to get boosted over the second hurdle by a very kind older man. Walk it off, Clare, walk it off. Got to the hay wall and easily hopped up and over it without using my shoulders too much. After a super mucky section I saw Olympus and just started laughing. There is NO WAY I can do Olympus under ideal conditions, let alone when I've just strolled through 8" deep mud for miles. I just kept on walking right past Olympus AND the burpee pit, which was still in the deep mud. I vowed to do my burpees on dry (drier) ground. Next up was the plate drag, where you pull a weighted sled out with a rope and back with a chain. This was quite easy for me because heavy shit is my jam. Apparently the men's sleds were nearly immovable. 

Then came my nemesis, the Rope Climb. Didn't even bother. I found a small dry hill a bit off course just past the ropes and settled in for 60 burpees. I did these modified because I was still worried about my trapezius and frankly 60 unmodified burpees would have taken me forever. This was around mile 7.5 and I'd been racing for 3.5 hours. It still took me a while to do them, and then I enjoyed an easy-peasy sandbag carry before failing the spear throw and doing 30 now-unmodified burpees. My trapezius felt much better by that point, thankfully. Although the mud was now causing my calf to cramp a bit just trying to get my foot out of the muck with every single step. We came out into the now-crowded festival area to the tire flip, and there were a lot of people watching, so I picked a good lady tire right in front of the crowd and flipped that bitch over and back like it was nothing. Putting on a show now because I knew another failure was coming up. Easy A-frame cargo net, and an easy slip wall (the mud was all dry on it). Finally, the multi-rig. It had 3 rings, a pipe, and 3 more rings. I know how to do rings but for some reason I could not even get them going in this event. Maybe because I'd been out there for 4 hours? But I did 30 burpees while wanly staring at the finish line just ahead. Finally finished my burpees, jumped over the fire, and crossed the line in about 4:05! Got medal, food/drinks, and a finisher photo in the mud and muck.

At laaaaast, my mu-uud has come along

Afterward I picked up my bag, which was a cluster. The volunteers were letting people find their own bags and just checking to make sure their wristbands matched when they were leaving. It was taking people several minutes to locate their bags. Finally I found mine, found the hose-down area, saw the long line and thought "forget it" and decided to just be disgusting until I got to my hotel, got my free beer, drank half of it, then got on a bus back to the parking area and drove to my hotel with my shoes off.

Pros:

-Obstacles played to my strengths today - some Spartan standards, and lots of climbing and heavy stuff. Sadly, the mud made all the obstacles harder and some of them nearly impossible even for the elites (several elite men totally skipped the tire flip).

-Camaraderie. The mud brought us all together and everyone was super friendly. I got boosts everywhere I needed them. 

-Volunteers. These folks were troopers in that mud and were all very communicative.

-Challenging. I went there for a good workout and by God, I got one.

Cons:

-On-race nutrition needed. They only had chews at around mile 6. Fortunately I had my Camelbak full of Nutter Butters or I would have been screwed.

-MUD. This course is just Mud City. It is Mud Hell, in fact. A solid 90% of the course was in THICK, wet mucky mud. The few dry sections felt like a vacation in Malibu by comparison, though. And frankly I perversely enjoy the feeling of doing such a difficult Super. Lots of folks online said this race was harder than any Beast they'd ever done. That makes me feel prepared for my actual Beast.

-Hose area. Too long a wait, and I heard the water pressure sucked anyway so I'm glad I didn't stand in line for it.

Race Grade:  B+. If the mud hadn't been such a huge factor, it would have been an A. This was a Spartan event that lived up to my prior standards, and it gave me a great deal of relief after the Minnesota disaster. (Post script to that: Spartan did give me a credit for a free future Sprint event, so I am signed up for a second lap of the upcoming St. Louis Stadium Sprint!)