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Monday, July 9, 2018

Beast Mode, Plus A Rant About Burpees

Now that I have completed two-thirds of my Trifecta, it's time to stare down the barrel of the third and final wedge: the Spartan Beast. It will be 12-14 miles. It will have over 30 obstacles. It will take me at least 5 hours to complete. It will be the most ambitious thing I have done, including multiple marathons that I have finished without training for them. There is no such thing as "doing a Beast without training for it," or at least nobody who has lived to tell about it.

With the Beast now 2 months away, my training has ramped up significantly. Here's how it breaks down.

Monday: 2-mile walk; 1 hour hot yoga; 1 hour weights/calisthenics.
Tuesday: 90 minutes cardio (generally elliptical).
Wednesday: 2-mile walk; 1 hour hot yoga; 1 hour weights/calisthenics.
Thursday: 6-mile run; 1 hour hot  yoga.
Friday: obstacle training 1 hour.
Saturday: 1 hour hot yoga or rest day.
Sunday: 8+ mile run.

As you can see, this is a high volume of training, generally over 10 hours a week. Everything is essential and supports the race effort directly or supports the training. I plan Friday and Saturday to be fairly easy days, which is enough for me to recover (especially with this much hot yoga, which really aids my recovery a lot).

*****

Now it is time for me to rant a bit about burpees. Not about the burpees themselves, but about some Spartans who are the self-appointed Burpees Police. I understand that there is a sense of justice that one adopts when doing a race with specific rules and distances. Folks should not ever cut the course. One should never knock someone else off monkey bars (AHEM, Green Goblin at the Spartan Super Chicago). One should try to do obstacles by oneself if possible. But folks...there will be Spartans who cannot do things alone. There will be Spartans who need assistance on the Herc Hoist (not me, because the lord has gifted me with considerable size). There will be Spartans who need their asses hauled over walls (that's me, right there). There will be Spartans who cannot do 30 consecutive unmodified burpees for WHATEVER REASON (current exhaustion, injury, biomechanical failure, etc). It is not up to us as their fellow racers to make them feel like crap about this.

I have done races where I have had to modify some or all of my burpees (in my case generally because of feeling faint or having a temporary upper-body injury from an obstacle gone wrong), and the snide comments aimed toward me are something the sport can do without. I've been in the position of doing my burpees unmodified and seeing someone next to me banging out squat thrusts instead. You know what I think? "Get it, girl/dude." Modifying a burpee is not cheating, despite what some Spartan-race cultists believe. Generally speaking, unless you are gunning for an award, nobody else should give a single solitary poop what you are doing with your burpees. Run your own race, folks. If you and I are out there at the same time, it's because neither of us is in the elite or age group waves.

I have not yet overheard someone else comment on ANOTHER racer's modified burpees, but if they do I will defend them. At least they're doing the damn burpees! Skipping burpees entirely is some gangster garbage. Modifying them is not. People do what they can and they're trying, damnit. Be inclusive. Don't get your heckles up and raise your own blood pressure because you think other people aren't being fair to you. Get your medal and shut up about it.

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