Facility Review: Ninja U

Facility Name: Ninja U
Location: Cedar Falls, Iowa
Facility Type: Ninja gym

Back in the early summer I went to a shopping center and saw a sign from a distance. "Ninja U Coming Soon." I thought OMG IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?! Turns out it is what I thought it was: a ninja gym. In Cedar Falls, Iowa. My town. Considering the nearest ninja gym was two hours away in Des Moines, I basically felt like I'd won the lottery. "I will go right after I do my Beast," I thought to myself. Then my collarbone started acting up and required a few months of TLC. I took advantage of a punchcard sale on Black Friday, but hadn't been able to actually get in and work out until today. The stars aligned and my collarbone healed, I walked in with no real idea of what to expect from myself.

Ninja U is basically a playground for adults. A slightly sadistic playground, but that's what us OCR fiends are into nowadays. On the main rigging there were three lanes separated by level of difficulty. My first stop was the Beginner Lane, which was mostly balance and agility. There were these fun vertical poles to traverse that basically made me feel like a much-taller Kacy Catanzaro in the Dallas City Finals. I also was able to practice my rope climb in this lane, which I was delighted about (I have no other opportunity to practice rope climb). There was also a small agility lane next to this one with more balance elements and some angled steps.

After I'd done the Beginner Lane a few times I felt ready to take on the Intermediate Lane, or at least a few elements of it. The swinging monkey bars were simple enough, as were the rings. I had more difficulty on the floating monkey bars, although it was certainly fun to try (I did manage to make ONE transfer, but that was probably more luck than skill). I had employee Thomas show me the technique for the floating boards, which the guys on American Ninja Warrior make look way easier than it is. I was able to use Thomas' technique to transfer from one board to another. At this point I felt very middle-aged and like I should purchase better shoes.

The Advanced Lane was practically empty, because those with the skill for the Advanced Lane would be able to throw themselves eight feet through the air between the different obstacle elements with no difficulty whatsoever. Thomas showed me a big lache between swinging frames and at some point in all this amazing display he revealed that he is only 17 years old, which made me feel much better about assuming that it was only my advanced age that prevented me from going all Drew Dreschel on this stuff. Yeah, that must be it. *ahem*

Ninja U of course also has a set of four warped walls. I was able to get up the 8' and 10' walls no problem. This was also a great opportunity to practice my Spartan wall climb technique - once I got hands on the top, I could walk my legs up and hook the ankle, or I could wrestle my ribcage up there. I did not attempt the 12' or 14.5' walls, because my aforementioned advanced age requires caution and buildup. Another section of the gym had a bouldering/rock wall, which I attempted and am terrible at. This will be great practice for Olympus, though, so I will keep working at it. There is a spider climb area, and that didn't go well for me today, but will be fun to keep trying!

A smaller rig with more grip elements let me practice angled monkey bars on the tilting ladders which, thankfully, don't tilt so much that I couldn't complete this obstacle. There were all different kinds of grips (round, straight, swinging, handles, balls) that I could not do to save my life. There was also a sprint ramp that times you, which I did not do today, but may do in the future if my shins feel perfectly healthy and I've had a lot of caffeine. The kids area looked really cute and my toddler would absolutely love it, so I will have to bring him sometime.

I was very impressed with Ninja U. The gym is spotless and padded and I was the only one in there (naturally, since I went at 11:45 AM on a Tuesday, like GET A JOB, LADY) so I got plenty of attention and instruction from Thomas. There are lots of different types of obstacles to practice on, and I think people of all skill levels could find a bunch of stuff to try out here. Things also seem to be rotated in and out on a regular basis so new obstacles and grips are coming all the time.

Things to keep in mind before you visit a ninja gym:
1) You may not be able to do a big long workout. My hands got sweaty and were essentially useless for periods of time. I will bring a bit of liquid chalk with me next time and see if that helps (regular powdered chalk is far too messy and should be avoided). Also the skin on my hands feels beat up, but I'm a tenderloin.
2) If your shoes aren't grippy, some things will be tougher. Not impossible, but tougher than they have to be. Don't wear your old tennies, basically.
3) Ask for help! Take advantage of having the gym to yourself and get some personalized tips. Many obstacles are all about technique. The more techniques you know, even for obstacles you can't necessarily do yet, the greater your arsenal for being able to complete obstacles in OCRs.
4) Warm up properly. Lots of obstacle training is deceptively plyometric, and you don't want to find out halfway through your hamstring tear that you were not properly warmed up before attempting the warped wall.
5) Test things out. If you see that something swings and you can reach it before you get to it, swing it and see how it goes before you get on and try to swing 160 pounds of your body weight on it. If there's a tilting ladder, tilt it before you're hanging on it to see how far it goes. Train smarter, essentially.

Overall I give Ninja U an A and I plan to keep coming on Tuesday early afternoons. Thomas will have his work cut out for him.

Bookin' It: Best Books For The Endurance Athlete On Your Gift List

I've been wanting to make a post like this for a while, and what better time than going into the holiday gift-giving season? I'm a voracious reader and have enjoyed a lot of books about running, or books of particular interest to those who endure. Here is a list of some books I have greatly enjoyed, along with Amazon links so you can find out more.

Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance, by Alex Hutchinson. This book comprehensively explores all facets of human athletic endurance, both mental and physical. It is fascinating.

Off Course: Inside the Mad, Muddy World of Obstacle Course Racing, by Erin Beresini. This is both a history of the sport of OCR as well as a very cool personal story of the author's quest to complete the first ever Spartan Ultra Beast while recovering from severe tendonitis.

Blind Descent: The Quest to Discover the Deepest Cave On Earth, by James M. Tabor. Climbing Everest gets all the attention, but could you do it backwards? In the dark? With the very real risk of drowning? And what happens if you fall into a chasm and can't be lifted out?

Breaking BUD/S: How Regular Guys Can Become Navy SEALS, by D.H. Xavier. Some of the language in this book is problematic (anti-gay slurs), but the meat of it is good: what does it take to get through BUD/S and be one of the most elite warriors in the world? Surprise, it's mostly mental.

The Long Walk, by Stephen King. The only novel on my list, it's a dystopian story about 100 teenagers participating in the ultimate endurance event where only the last man (kid) standing lives.

Iron War: Dave Scott, Mark Allen, and the Greatest Race Ever Run, by Matt Fitzgerald. The amazing tale of the most badass Ironman World Championship of all time.

The Comeback: Greg LeMond, the True King of American Cycling, and a Legendary Tour de France, by Daniel de Vise. Learn more about the Tour in general and the greatest non-doping cyclist of all time in particular.

Arnold: The Education of a Bodybuilder, by Arnold Schwarzenegger. You will learn the value of work ethic. When everyone else would do 10 reps, Arnold would do 12.

Race Recap: Frosty 5K

Frosty 5K 12/8/18 Cedar Falls, IA

Weather: 20 degrees, cloudy, calm winds
Terrain: roads and recreation trails

Distance: 5K

I decided to attempt a 5K PR to finish out a great 2018 season. The last time I'd attempted to PR at 5K was in spring 2007, so you can plainly see that I'm not exactly built for speed, but I had an ambitious goal of running in under 30 minutes and I wanted to see if I could do it. Most of my athletic endeavors are "hey, let's see if I can do ____," so this fit right in. The race had packet pickup optional the day before so I took advantage of that, and realized there are no timing devices or numbers on the bibs. My achievement, whatever it was, would be solely personal.

Before the race we were welcome to hang out in a local mega-church, which was warm and had plenty of space to hang coats, so I wouldn't have to schlep my car keys on the run. The rag-tag group of maybe 150 racers went out and got underway. The roads would be open to traffic but this didn't end up being a problem. We only spent the first mile and the last half mile on public roads, and there were hardly any cars (cops directed traffic at intersections, which helped immensely). There were lightly rolling hills but nothing that I couldn't easily run. Focused on pushing the pace the entire time and trying to stay relaxed with my breathing, and it worked well. There were no mile markers but I knew I was on pace the entire time. Fortunately I am very familiar with the area in this local race.

Crossed the finish line in 29:21, well under my 30-minute goal. Got a medal, too! The post-race spread in the church was delightful. Cookies, cupcakes and bagels, along with cocoa and coffee. Having a warm place to stretch makes a difference.

Pros:

-Indoor pre- and post-race. For a winter race this is an incredible plus.
-Lots of little surprising perks. Most of this was because of the Holiday Hoopla event it's affiliated with, but there were door prizes and a photo booth (and Santa pics).
-Finisher medal for a 5K. Yes please.

Cons:

-Bare bones. If you are the sort who needs a water stop for a 5K, bring your own. Fortunately I didn't require water or a bathroom, although there was a public restroom at the halfway point.
-No timing. I was surprised by this, since it was put on by a company with "timing" in its name.
-Shirt is enormous. I got a medium and am swimming in it. On the plus side, the sleeves are long enough for gangly me.

Race Grade: B+. Cute little minimalist race with nice unique perks.

Off-Season? More Like AWE-Season, Amiright?!

As in "awesome!" AM I RIGHT?

Okay, so maybe it's not awesome for everyone. But I love me a good off-season. I always make a list and formulate my goals for both the off-season and the next year in general. First, define "off-season." This is the time in the winter when races are either none, or few and far between. For me this year, this is December through April. I have two races in this time set up: the first is a 5K road race that I will be doing this upcoming Saturday. The second (well, and third) are the Abominable Snow Race, where I will do both the long and short courses on the same day.

My off-season goals are both specific and general, and are as follows:

1) run this upcoming 5K as quickly as possible, ideally in under 30 minutes (which would be about a 3-minute PR over the last time I seriously attempted a 5K, which to be fair was almost 12 years ago)

2) continue to develop my cardio endurance and speed, building on the foundation I have established. To that end, I plan to run approximately a half-marathon distance every other week. In the words of RuPaul, if you STAY ready, you ain't got to GET ready. My goal for 2019 is to go under 2:20 for an official half marathon. I'm about 9 minutes away from that right now.

3) develop grip strength. To that end, I am participating in the December Dead Hang challenge that I saw on Instagram. On December 1, I did a 1-minute hang. Today, 1:10. You add 10 seconds a day the entire month until the last day is a ridiculous 6 minutes, which will definitely not go flawlessly. But no matter how many sections I need to break it into, it will help my grip immensely.

4) improve flexibility. Now that my weird collarbone injury is getting better, I can actually participate in hot yoga again, and I am pleased to report that not only did I not lose any flexibility in my off time, I have improved it. I want to continue this trend until by the end of 2019 I can do "an ugly split." This is the 2019 goal I am least confident about achieving.

5) go from 2 chin-ups to 4. This would be just great.

Note that these goals are all actually objectives. They are actions that I can take that will directly create a positive outcome. Off-season is a fantastic opportunity to shore up your weaknesses, and you should seize it! If you have to take workouts indoors due to weather, so be it. Find binge-worthy shows and specials on Netflix and get on that treadmill, gurrrl. Or boy.

Race Recap: Beat the Blerch Virtual Half Marathon

Beat the Blerch Virtual Half Marathon 11/1/18 Cedar Falls, IA

Weather: 40 degrees, sunny
Terrain: Recreation trails and some sidewalks

Distance: 13.1 miles

A recap for a virtual race? Why not? This will be somewhat tongue-in-cheek. Essentially, I was my own race director. Any complaints or constructive compliments (tm The Office) will be directed mostly toward myself.

To start: the kit, made by the guy who does The Oatmeal online comics and featuring "the blerch," is awesome. There is a tech-fabric t-shirt, a medal (with a little door that opens up to show the food inside the Blerch's stomach), a stress ball, sunglasses, and a sticker. At $50 it's a bit pricey, but what you get it very cool and I like supporting The Oatmeal. The kit, as far as virtual race kits go, gets an A from me.

The rest of the race experience is entirely up to me as the end consumer, so here we go. I decided to start and end from the most logical place: my house. It took me a (sadly) long time to map out exactly 13.1 miles in a nice tidy loop, trying to avoid more wooded trails that would have too many leaves and bits of detritus for me to trip over or roll my ankle on. Once I had finally settled on a course, I waited for a beautiful Thursday where the weather was fine, which happened to be after three consecutive days of hard workouts. OH WELL, let's see how this goes!

The first couple miles were largely downhill, since I live in a high part of town. I tried not to think about how I would then have to go uphill for the last couple of miles. (What idiot designed this course?) There was a heated bathroom around mile 4, which was brilliant. Water stops were not a problem, as I had my Camelbak, but the on-course nutrition was gross. I had these Clif Bloks from my Spartan Beast that I'd never eaten. Turns out they taste like someone made strawberry Gushers with a handful of household dust, but they worked, dammit. I had plenty of energy. There were not many folks out on the course that day and ZERO spectators, except for the lady who was smoking outside the gas station at mile 11. But I was able to keep up a decent jogging pace almost the whole time, only walking a few steep uphill portions for a total of maybe 5 minutes of the total race time. 

I'd never run for over 2 hours before, so the last couple miles uphill featured some abysmal posture. But I was overall very pleasantly surprised with how much of an effort I was able to put out after doing spin classes on Monday and Wednesday prior. My pacing was even and I crossed "the finish line" in 2:30 flat. Considering my previous half marathon PR was 2:41 and change, I was totally thrilled. The post-race food spread was the greatest I'd ever seen: Panera mac and cheese and a Diet Pepsi. Great work, Race Director!

Pros:

-Swag. What a great kit.

-Race was very uncrowded and low-key.

-I knew every inch of the course in advance.

Cons:

-No mile markers. What laziness.

-No spectators or fellow participants. Had to provide own "jush."

-Hard for a virtual race to feel "official." But I'm calling that a PR, dammit.

Race Grade: A-. The cons of it "not being an actual race" were overshadowed by how freakin' awesome I did and how delicious that lunch was afterward. Choosing your own post-race spread: highly recommended.

(Mis)Adventures in Customer Service

As a person who has done a LOT of races (my road race count is over 60, plus about 10 OCRs), I have a pretty good sense of how things work. I don't usually have a lot of questions or complaints. If there is a dreadnought roving photographer (see previous entry), I know better than to complain or ask where the hell the pictures are. I understand the concept of "no refunds" and such.

That said, there are some times when one needs to complain. Or at least, needs to ask clarifying questions. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. In these situations, it is important for race directors or their peons to remember the Golden Rule of customer service. No, it's not "the customer is always right," because that is a load of horse crap. It's "do not ignore your customer." Nothing chaps my 'nads more than being totally ignored by the powers that be when I ask what should be a very basic question.

Here are a few examples of recent customer-service-adjacent interactions that I have had with race staff, from "great" to "WTF."

GREAT Customer Service: The Abominable Snow Race

I was a bit nervous about this one because they had to change the location and date of the race after registration started. Then I became even more nervous when they switched from a two-day event (I'd signed up for both races) to a one-day event. But shortly after I went all "whaaaaat is going on here" on Facebook, the race director messaged me his personal phone number and asked me to call him. We had a lovely conversation, all my questions and concerns were answered to my satisfaction, and I gained critical understanding of what had caused all these crazy circumstances to pop up in the first place.

Lesson learned: most customers will "get it" if given a chance. Promptly and honestly addressing issues goes a long way.

HIT-OR-MISS Customer Service: Spartan Race

Generally there are few issues that come up with Spartan events. They are a big company and have this shit down, for the most part. But Spartan is (in)famously bad at dealing with weather. They tend to not provide good updates for racers, who are stuck in their cars in the parking lot with little to no cell service to even read event Tweets (if Spartan can be bothered to post them). In the immediate aftermath of Spartan Minnesota's afternoon cancellation, I was pretty annoyed and sent them messages on Facebook (their seemingly-preferred method of communication) which were basically responded to with "we DID update you, you are wrong, suck it." I wrote back after a week and tried to remain calm and specific with "my demands," which were essentially to have another shot at finishing a Spartan Sprint (I gave a specific race that I wanted to do, also). Their response was a surprising but welcome "of course! Here's a code!"

Lesson learned: there are often teams of customer-service agents and you might get a bad one on your initial inquiry. Try again until someone reasonable answers. And remain calm. No need to write F-bombs to these folks who probably don't get paid NEARLY enough.

TERRIBLE Customer Service: Terrain Race

Terrain Race has famously bad customer service, so I wasn't expecting much. I honestly wasn't planning to complain at all about the fairly minor issues I had with Terrain Race. But then I noticed a lot of people were pissed that there were no results or pictures posted from their events. And I noticed that there hadn't been a photographer at the Oshkosh race that I did, or if there was I didn't see him/her. So it became a matter of principle for me to message them and ask "was there a photographer there? I understand if the pics take a while to upload, but just be straight with me, was there even a photographer?" I have now asked this question of Terrain Race on FIVE separate occasions over the last several weeks. I got a response once, at around attempt #3, of "we will look into it." Every other communication I've had with the race has been ignored.

Lesson learned: DON'T DO TERRAIN RACES EVER AGAIN. Photos are a relatively minor thing to complain about, and I was just asking if they had a photographer THERE, I wasn't even demanding that they post the pics immediately or complaining that there weren't pictures of me. If a race cannot answer a very basic question, keep them off your schedule.

And because it must be said, the overall lesson learned is that good customer service will get a race return customers and great word-of-mouth. Bad customer service will kill a brand. Put your money where the good race directors are, folks!

Roving Photographers: THE WORST IDEA EVER

Sometimes I sign up for a race that claims to have photos on the course, but then it turns out that these photos are taking by a "roving photographer." This is a lone individual who trots about the course and takes pictures of several different obstacles, or trails, or intersections, or whatever the hell they end up taking pictures of. Because you guys, they NEVER end up taking pictures of me. Never.

I have gotten screwed over by roving photographers at every single race that has "boasted" them this year. Gladiator Assault Challenge. Conquer the Gauntlet. The Runner's Flat Fall Endurance Festival. Not one photo at any of these joints. And it is because the concept is flawed. A roving photographer will see maybe 10% of the participants with all that bouncing around. They'll get a variety of pictures, but those pictures are not useful to anyone except the lucky few who end up in them. Normally if you are in an early heat, you are far more likely to get pictures. The road race equivalent of this is, if you are winning the race or close to it, you will get pictures, and if you aren't, you're screwed. Even when I SEE a roving photographer, the odds of them taking a picture of me and/or posting it on the internet are demonstrably zero.

This blog post is not so much advice for anyone who is racing at an event with a roving photographer (I have no clue how to get a photo out of them). I guess if you happen to see one, specifically ASK them to take your picture. Because it's not intuitive for some of these folks, bless their hearts. (At Conquer the Gauntlet I ran right past a photographer who said "great job!" but didn't lift his camera up. AYFKM?) My advice is for race directors who are thinking about going this route: don't. If you can only afford one photographer, plant them somewhere specific (like one fun obstacle, or the finish line) and have them freakin' stay there and take everybody's picture.

And while I'm at it, offer the pictures for free. The fact that Spartan has free pictures is not only a nice customer perk, it is brilliant marketing. Their customers post the photos and other potential customers will see them and think "wow, that looks fun! I should do that!" Meanwhile lots of smaller OCRs and every single road race I've ever done charges a ludicrous sum of money for event photos. Talk about a missed opportunity.

On a related but slightly different note, Terrain Race Oshkosh promised photographers and I did not see a single one on the course, and I ran that thing three times and started in an early heat. The official Terrain Race Facebook page has barely responded to my inquiry about whether they even HAD a photographer on the course. Terrain Race: get your shit together.

Now that I have ranted about course photography, I promise to get back to regularly scheduled programming soon. I'm finally on the mend from my collarbone-area injury and have been running great 6-mile training runs. The only "race" remaining this fall is a digital half marathon Beat The Blerch that I can run any time I want. Maybe on Thanksgiving. Gobble gobble.