Physical: 100 Reactions/Discussions on YouTube

 Long time, no update! Don't worry, I've been figuring out my 2023 race calendar and watching lots of streaming shows. Naturally, I had to watch the Korean show Physical: 100 on Netflix. I made some videos discussing a few of the show's quests - strategy, technique, etc. Link to the four-video playlist on my YouTube channel is right here, clickable and everything.

Race Recap: Spartan Midwest Super and Sprint

Spartan Midwest Super and Sprint Weekend, 11/5-6/22 Goshen, IN

Weather: 40s, windy

Terrain: Grass/dirt, plowed fields

Garmin Data: Super 7.14 miles, 159' elevation gain (includes some penalty loops); Sprint 3.56 miles, 76' elevation gain (no penalty loops)

Course Map

Our beloved Attica is no more. This year's Midwest events would be 1) shorter (no Beast? Denied!), 2) farther to drive, and 3) so late in the fall that the weather would be as unpredictable as the judging on Drag Race Down Under season one. As it drew closer it seemed we would not be in for a nice warm respite, but rather we would be facing the kinds of howling wind that one only finds in the most boring parts of the American Midwest. Indeed, this was THE Spartan Midwest weekend, and we would experience everything the Midwest had to offer. Namely: wind. Spoiler alert.

Wes was once again my partner in crime, and we arrived on Super Saturday to a delightful cold drizzle that was blowing straight sideways. Temps were in the 40s, with winds of 30 mph (that's without the gusts, which were strong enough to occasionally stop us in our tracks). We mutually decided that it was safer to risk regretting overdressing than to risk regretting underdressing, so many layers were donned. Off we went in our Open wave, easily conquering this new Over Unders obstacle (two 3' hurdles with a short, approximately 20 yard, crawl in between). Going through the county fairgrounds we hopped over two 4' overwalls, then the 6' wall. The inverted wall was slightly terrifying as usual, but we made it over and proceeded to the barbed wire crawl, which was low enough that rolling was necessary (and, due to the rain and straw laying around, unpleasant).

I could be drinking Taster's Choice at our AirBnB, dammit.

Although the rain had ended, the damage had already been done for the next obstacle, the monkey bars. I made a valiant effort, but fell early due to the bars just being slightly too wet. Ben Shapiro would have angrily tweeted about how defective they were. But Wes and I just soldiered through the convenient penalty loop, which was marked by tape that was whipping around violently in the wind. Atlas carry was on the way toward the festival area, wherein we did the rope climb in full view of many spectators. It was on this obstacle where I started feeling remarkably out of shape. I got up the rope, but coming back down I realized my arms were already tired, and the weekend had only just begun. Up and down the A-frame cargo, then we walked past the kid's race and the wind picked up. As I struggled to walk forward, I marveled at how the children had not blown away. Seriously. Not a single kid was picked up by this gust?! It was pushing my ass backwards and I weigh 4 times more than some of them. 

The sandbag carry was up and down the grandstand stairs that overlook the track. It felt very Stadion-esque. Following this was a bit of a walk to the spear throw, which had the old-school hay bales instead of foam targets. Wes and I were worried that our curse would reappear, although since our dual victory at the Ohio Sprint, neither of us had missed. And that continued. We both stuck the spear. Hell yes. Helix went well also, then we entered the Plowed Fields portion of the race. This was a bit choppy and occasionally a bit muddy, and constituted the entirely of the middle miles of the course. We got over the 7' wall easily, only to be felled by Olympus afterward. I'm starting to believe I will never clear Olympus again. Thankfully there was a penalty loop.

Because Jesus was on our side (despite my yelling his full name including middle initial H at several points in the gusting wind), the next obstacle was The Box, which is usually a good obstacle to get a boost on. This time, though, I noticed that the lanes had different rope arrangements, including (finally) a few long-ish ropes without knots. I got on one of those, grabbed high, and did an S-wrap as high as I could. When I stood up, I could grab the ropes above the edge, leading to the back bar. I held tight and inched a bit higher on the rope, locking in again. I grabbed the neighboring rope as well, and inched my way up until I could grab the top bar and get my torso far enough to turn myself sideways. And this is how I got The Box, BY MYSELF, for the first time ever. While totally out of shape. Everything's coming up Clare! And next was Twister, which I also cleared! My confidence was soaring! Especially since, while waiting for Wes to complete Twister's penalty loop, I noticed a lot of fit-looking people failing Twister. They were doing it wrong, god bless their hearts. 

Pipe Lair was harder than usual. They had positioned the bars in some crazy ways, making some very narrow pathways through with big weird drops and jumps. It was fun, but it definitely turned what is usually a tall person's bane into a tall person's nightmare. Bender was next, and there was a photographer. I was excited to maybe finally get a Bender photo. But alas, I got low on the bars and realized they didn't feel safe. They were slightly wet and lightly coated in dirt/mud. I am not dying for a Bender photo. Wes made it over, possibly because he is more willing to risk life and limb for a Bender photo. Stairway to Sparta, which I had previously gotten over solo, I required a boost on. Again, out of shape, tired arms, couldn't do my "little pull-up" technique. 

The Z-walls had a photographer as well, Hooray! Z-wall pics are rare indeed! And, as it turns out, they were even more rare because this particular photographer was taking TONS of pictures...of only a few people. He was literally only watching two of the five lanes. Wes and I even loudly tried to get his attention so he would take my picture, only to be completely ignored because he was watching his two lanes, waiting for someone to get close enough to photograph. Later we found out his photos were beautiful, too. It was a damn shame I couldn't get any. After that excitement we came across a dirt quarry of sorts that had big ditches dug into it for Rolling Mud. Wes and I both noped out of that shit. At these late stages of a race wherein we feel incredibly elderly and out of shape, we sure don't need to add "soaked feet" to our cold-weather woes. 

After looping up some dirt roads out of the quarry and back into the exposed grass fields near the festival, we encountered Beater, which was blown blessedly dry thanks to the aforementioned howling wind. I was able to clear this with relative ease, only to be told by the volunteer that I was number 166 that day to ring the bell. I was surprised to hear that, considering there would be about 1000 finishers for this event. That's a fairly low clear rate. Maybe I AM good at this stuff! Plus the volunteer said that they were telling people not to do penalties, because the wind was becoming too dangerous. "BECOMING?!"

And then came the multi-rig. They were in Super mode, but the usual metal bar was replaced by a thinner bar that felt more like a durable plastic. I got to the first ring after the bar, then my grip totally failed and I slipped right off. That's right. My grip failed. I was so ashamed. This was all my fault. I'd let myself go. We asked the volunteer if we needed to do the penalty loop due to the wind advisory, and she said "I mean, if you WANT to, but it's basically straight downhill and then back uphill, there's a rope to help you climb back up," and Wes and I were like "NOPE" and proceeded to the bucket carry, which was fairly short and easy.

The course passed by the parking lot and the kids race course before the final obstacle gauntlet. Herc hoist was as easy as ever. The vertical cargo net had the platforms, and the women's was higher than usual by a good 6 inches. I could almost, but not quite, get onto it solo. I accepted a boost from Wes and then went to climb over. Holy shit, this net was LOOSE. It was looser than your mom. It was looser than EVERYBODY'S MOM COMBINED. I was thanking the good gay gods that we were almost done with this torture.

SWEET SATURN'S RINGS

The slip wall was blessedly not slippery, and the fire jump was not lit (smart, given the extreme wind conditions), and we finished in a shockingly fast time. Like, nearly PR time. Even though we were both out of shape as all hell and this wasn't a short Super. Maybe there was some magic in the Midwest. Either way, neither of us was looking forward to Sunday's Sprint, and I just hoped that nothing in my body would lock up overnight. I was also glad that we had an AirBnB and therefore I could wash my nice warm sweatshirt and wear it again the next day.

The manic joy of finishing a mid-distance obstacle event

On Sunday we woke up to much better weather. Sure, it was still cold in the 40s, but at least the wind was significantly less brutal, and there had been no further rain. I felt very optimistic for the monkey bars as we started out. The first obstacles were the same as the Super. This time the 6' wall was particularly hilarious because a bunch of tall, jacked dudes were staring at it strategizing how they'd get over, and I just strolled past them, grabbed the top, and popped on up. Then not a single one of them did it how I did it, and it was a disaster. Men. They'll never change. The inverted wall was tougher today for some reason and I required a bit of help getting on top. The barbed wire crawl was more of the same, although at least it was less wet, and I got a jaunty pose in. 

Why doncha come up and see me some time?

The monkey bars were indeed dry as a bone, and I indeed was able to clear them! And later, when I got to the rope climb, I was about ten feet up, feeling exhausted, when I looked down and saw two women watching me. They were obviously racers waiting for their heat to start. I thought "I'm probably the only woman up this high on a rope right now." And I realized: I can't fall. No way. Do I want to look like a total puss in front of these gals? Do I want to give them any reason to think THEY can't do this? No way. I somehow made it to the bell. My arms had nothing left. I hope those gals appreciated my sacrifice. Kept going through the course, hitting the spear yet again (we have been on fire since Ohio, holy crap), and enjoying Helix as much as one can while stretching their hip adductors to insane degrees.

"I got talent, don't need the splits." -Trinity The Tuck

This time we took a shortcut across the plowed fields straight to Z-walls. It was during this shortcut that we ran into H from Ohio 2021 (she was a key component of Team Strugglebus)! It was fabulous to see her again, but it was brief as she was in far better shape and took off at a run. After Z-walls, instead of taking the dirt road out of the quarry, we were sent directly up the side. Which was an extremely steep incline. So steep that as we approached I inquired out loud "are we supposed to fuckin' Alex Honnold this shit?!" Answer: yes. So we all climbed up this dirt wall with our hands and feet and whatever other parts we needed to get purchase in this garbage. The things we do for free FitAid. 

The multi-rig was at the top of the hill, and the set-up was surprisingly the same as the day before. Usually they remove the bar in favor of all rings. But like yesterday, I failed due to lack of grip strength. With the penalty loop being back down and up that same godawful Free Solo crap, we skipped it without any remorse. Indiana had made us as cold-blooded as their lawmakers who banned abortion. The bucket carry was a bit harder than the day before, so I guess we're even.

Yep, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got into this situation.

Back to the final gauntlet. Vertical cargo's platform was gone and its net had been tightened to the level "okay, not great." The fire jump actually had fire today. And we once again finished in damn near a PR despite walking the entire thing. This was a WILD WEEKEND.

Wes is shushing the fire and I'm afraid to ask why

For we are glorious.

Pros:

-Course layout was good. Used the venue to good effect.

-Logistics ran smoothly (parking, check-in, etc). 

-I actually liked that the multi-rig stayed a MULTI-rig for the Sprint (instead of rings only, which frankly is a uni-rig).

Cons:

-Weather was terrible. It's true that Spartan does not control the weather, but they did choose to have this race in freakin' NOVEMBER.

-I don't like that they had both their Midwest race venues extremely close together (Notre Dame and this one). Spread 'em out, Spartan, Jesus Herbert Christ.

Race Grade:  A-. We learned that being out of shape is not nearly as important for overall race pace as obstacle proficiency (especially spear throw).

Watch my full weekend video recap (featuring several Super obstacles and both days' spears) here or on YouTube.

Spartan Midwest 2022 Weekend Video

 

YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckRvkhv8zLY

Unboxing Beat the Blerch 2022 Virtual Race Kit

 It's that time of year again! The Beat the Blerch virtual kit arrived in my mailbox today. I made an unboxing video for y'all.

Link on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgDaAWB1rtA

Swag photos: 

Pictured above (clockwise from top center): finisher medal; Blerch stress ball; headband; decal; cupcake-flavored dental floss; race bib; magnet; koozy.

Pictured above: race shirt (women's cut), 100% cotton.

Chin-up Progression Episode 4

 

Link on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0LJKw6Nj1Q

I JUST realized that I never posted my chin-up video from May 10 (my three-month progress) on here. So here it is, in case you missed it. I'll be working on a final video within the next few days for my full five-month report! Will I meet my original goal? Or were the real chin-ups just the friends we made along the way? Stay tuned.

Race Recap: Spartan Stadion Notre Dame

 Spartan Stadion Notre Dame, 7/9/22 South Bend, IN

Weather: 70 degrees, sunny

Terrain: Stadium stairs/ramps, sidewalks

Garmin Data (from Wes's GPS): 3.42 miles, elevation gain 383'

Course Map

Wes talked me into it. Not doing the Notre Dame Stadion, which I would have chosen to do anyway (as a matter of principle, I tend to do any race within driving distance), but rather doing AGE GROUP. This is not something I had ever considered doing, as I loathe burpees and they don't agree with my collarbone, but Wes pointed out that "at a Stadion we only have to do 15." I cannot argue with that logic. Also I have run clean at a Stadion before so ideally I wouldn't have to do any penalty burpees...right?

Arrived at 6:45 AM to a fairly long check-in line. Thankfully it moved fairly quickly, as did the bag search we all had to undergo before entering the hallowed concourses of Whatever Notre Dame's Football Stadium Is Officially Called. Let me say here, right off the bat, that IDGAF about Notre Dame football either way, god bless 'em. My husband, however, HAAAAATES Notre Dame with the fire of a thousand suns. I once asked him if he hated them more than the New England Patriots, and without hesitation he said "YES." This is a big deal, y'all. Thankfully my husband was not here, because he would have been scowling in the general direction of every single "we're the greatest" type of banner on display. I bet the only way to get him to do a Stadion race with me is if there was one held at Ohio State.

Anyway, Wes and I donned our red headbands and I checked my bag before we entered the start corral. Turns out Age Group runs similarly to Open, wherein waves of 15 random folks just get sent off every 90 seconds or so. No effort made to have the men start together, or the women, since there were too many folks in Age Group and we'd just go by chip timing. And Stadions can't do mass starts because the path is way too narrow. We got going shortly after 8 AM and immediately took off up the ramps to a 4' overwall, then continued to the top and Pipe Lair. Then came our first stair section, which was a pleasure. Notre Dame Stadium (whatever it's called) has bleacher seating, which is very easy to navigate. No banging your knee into a cup holder by accident. Plus it's easy to pass people, or so I assume, since a lot of folks were able to pass me just fine by leaping down or up to a different row looking like Tom Cruise in Every Tom Cruise Movie Ever. 

Imagine trying to watch a football game from this angle.

We came upon the heavy jump ropes, where I saw a guy doing them without the provided elastic band around his feet. I asked the nearby volunteer/course marshal if we were supposed to bind our feet and he said yes. So why did he let this guy not band his feet? Bullshit, dawg. So I bound my feet and did my 15 jumps, then continued on some more stairs and down to the multi-rig, which was visible in the concourse so I'd already seen it was rings only. Easy clear. A water stop was just past it and I got a drink, then we went upstairs and through the only paracord crawl on the course, which thankfully went UP the stairs instead of DOWN. Much easier that way!

After the cords was an easy 6' wall, then a long section through the bleachers. We'd go up stairs, then run along that aisle for a long time, then wind down and come back. It was fun and not terribly strenuous, but it had been about 1.5 miles at this point and I was already getting tired, so I walked a good amount. Finally we came down onto the turf field for a three-obstacle gauntlet. First was monkey bars, which were a good challenge. The bars were dry but there were a lot of larger gaps and I had to be careful, but I made it.

"Don't fall, bitch." -my inner saboteur

The second obstacle of the gauntlet was rope climb. I'd made a special little belt to wear my gloves just for this one. It was super easy to grip the rope to get up, then just slide back down to Earth without ripping all my skin off. Worth it. Last obstacle on the field was a 7' wall, which I got up and over in the usual way.

Like a lanky greyhound coming in through the cat door.

Back to stairs and a water station, then the jerry can carry. In the past, these were actual plastic containers of water, which were always slippery and had to be chest-cradled. Now they have replaced those with these sort of kettlebell-looking containers that have soft sides and handles. Men carry two like a farmer's carry, and women carry one. Honestly, carrying two might be less awkward, as you can either hug the thing or you can carry it like the world's heaviest purse. Thankfully we only had to go down and up one level before returning to the start, which was in a giant puddle from leaky containers. (And I didn't know this at the time, but these were the last stairs we would have to climb for the race!)

Now that our feet were wet, it's the perfect time to do the Z-wall! This went well (because I made damn sure I wouldn't fall off) and I rang the bell. Then I took off jogging because it was Downhill Ramp Time! Oh yeah, baby! My favorite part of any Stadion race. Jog down the ramp, grab the handrail to make a quick turn, then continue. Repeat. Repeat again. Oh, it was LOVELY, gal. We went down, down, did some ball slams (20 lb for women, 30 for men), down, all the way to the bottom level, where hand-release push-ups awaited us. I actually got up onto my toes for these instead of my knees, because I had read the rulebook and that was specified. Then we got to go through the visitors' locker room, which was nice. Lots of giant flat-screen TVs mounted everywhere.

A few hallways took us outside on the north side of the stadium, where we had a herc hoist (easy, I didn't even bother with my gloves), then a short jog to a water stop and the spear throw. I knew this was the last potential fail for the day, but I also saw that this spear throw, like every Stadion spear throw, was very short (at least five feet less distance to throw than any other race type). I took a breath, threw it, and it stuck. HELL YES. I high-fived the bemused dude behind me and went up and over the nearby A-frame cargo net, then on to a sandbag carry which hilariously just went about 0.2 miles around a pancake-flat courtyard.

"No stairway? Denied!"

Returned the sandbag, then went over to our last outside obstacle, the Atlas carry. I like Stadion Atlas carries because they use a lovely soft rubber ball (clearly labeled as 70 pounds for women) instead of a terrible concrete monstrosity. They made us pick up the ball, walk across a line of caution tape that they'd strung an ankle-tripping six inches off the ground, then return the ball back to start. After that it was through the tunnel back onto the field for the finishing obstacles. Box jumps were first, which are tough. I actually box-jumped the first 8 or so, then switched to step-ups (which, according to the rules, are allowed, but you have to lock out your knees and hips. Guess how many folks were actually doing that). Then was my least anticipated obstacle of the day: weighted burpees. Do 15 burpees while holding a rubberized tube that weighs 33 lb (55 for men). I grab the damn tube and start doing the burpees, when I notice a guy with an ENORMOUS video camera standing right in front of me filming me. Well shit, now I gotta make these LOOK GOOD, because I have no idea where this video might end up. [I was told later that the camera was for the FUCKING JUMBOTRON, y'all. I was on the JUMBOTRON!] I managed to look fairly solid for the first ten reps, then I got a bit gaspy. The guy stayed and kept filming. I'm actually grateful, since it really did force me to hurry the hell up and not look like a total wuss out there. But I've never been so glad to chuck a rubber tube at the ground and run away before.

Through the punching-bag gauntlet and over the finish line. My goal was under an hour, and I was just under 1:04, but I didn't feel bad. The course was longer than a usual Stadion - most are about 3 miles, and this was closer to 3.5. My pace was great, and I failed nothing. Overall a smashing success. 

Plus it was easy to find my light.

FitAid, water, and bananas were at the finish, along with the shirt. Which is ugly. Whatever graphic designer they hired for the shirts this year is truly terrible. These are the most poorly designed finisher shirts of any race I have ever done. Ever. EVER. Truly unwearable. But it was a great race and I had a blast. Now when my husband talks shit about Notre Dame I can say "at least their stadium is fun to do monkey bars in."

Pros:

-The amount of stairs was not as obscene as some Stadions I've done.

-Was a bit long, giving more bang for the buck, but then again it meant a PR wasn't possible.

-Course layout was great. I loved that we didn't have to go "up" really at all in the last mile or more.

Cons:

-Apparently there was some cheating going on. People shouldn't be able to get away with cheating obstacles or skipping their Age Group burpees right in front of course marshals and volunteers.

-Finisher shirts this year are FUGLY.

Race Grade:  A. Lots of fun, a good challenge.

Race Recap: Spartan Ohio Trifecta Weekend

 Spartan Beast, Super and Sprint Ohio, 6/18-19/22 Bloomingdale, OH

Weather: 70 degrees, sunny

Terrain: Grasslands, forest, hills

Garmin Data Beast: 13.4 miles (includes 2 penalty loops); 2,150' elevation gain

Garmin Data Super: 7.9 miles (includes 1 penalty loop); 1,500' elevation gain

Garmin Data Sprint: 4 miles; 825' elevation gain

(Slightly inaccurate) Course Map

Spartan Ohio decided to pull an epic switcheroo this year. Instead of the usual venue of Southington Off-Road Park, we would now be at Renegade Ridge Off-Road Park, which was located somewhat southeast. "Yeah, but Ohio is pancake-flat, it'll probably be about the same." HA. HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. *inhales* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, now that we've got that out of our system. Wes and I were reuniting Team Strugglebus for yet another epic trifecta weekend in Ohio. Our run fitness has improved since last year, so we were hoping to not quite need the struggle BUS. Maybe a Struggle Wagon, or a Struggle Bicycle. We carpooled to the Beast on Saturday and were pleased with the easy parking and walk to the festival. Tragically, I discovered that Spartan had changed our start times since I'd last checked (on freakin' THURSDAY), but no matter, it was only 15 minutes later. Since the weather was unseasonably cold and we were thus unprepared, we purchased overpriced sweatshirts so that we wouldn't die. The festival was easy to navigate and we started on time. 

We took off jogging in a lovely field with gentle up- and downslopes. It was immediately apparent that this course would be hilly, ranging from "rolling" to "YIKES." At the top of the first "technically rolling but LONG" hill was a single overwall, then we navigated downward to a 6' wall. Note that I say "we" to refer not only to the race in general, but to myself and Wes, as we would occasionally separate and reunite as he jogged more but failed something (allowing me to catch up). After that was a jaunt through a slightly muddy forest, then Olympus around the 1-mile mark. I failed it immediately, as usual, and set off down the penalty loop trail, which was blessedly short (less than 0.2 miles). Turns out several obstacles had penalty loops, all of them fairly short like this. Stairway to Sparta was a bit further along and in Beast mode, naturally. I received a boost from a lovely bear of a man. 

Mile 2 took us through a gorgeous meadow of wildflowers (make a drinking game out of "gorgeous meadow of wildflowers" for this course. Way better than the previous venue's "godforsaken tunnel of opaque water" drinking game) to Pipe Lair and our second water stop, which had Honey Stinger chews. Lots of the aid stations had these, and they were very popular. Great job, Spartan, for getting a sponsor to really go to town on these aid stations. Past here was Beater, which I am still 100% on for completion, followed by Bender, which was right after a mud puddle and therefore scary. That ladder + slippery shoes = DEATH. The Box was another boost, but Twister was all me. Wes was doing penalty loops a-go-go which was surely adding to his distance, but since neither of us had done much obstacle training beforehand I was pretty shocked that I was clearing stuff and wondered when my luck would run out.

Thankfully it didn't run out on the next obstacle, Tyro Traverse, which I cleared even more easily than in Attica (no cramps at all!). I saw Wes approaching it as I was leaving, so I figured he'd catch up to me in a few minutes. We were now in the Beast-only section of the map, which had much lower obstacle density and therefore more running. I was able to jog a good bit myself as I made it to a fairly gross barbed wire crawl through a few mud puddles, then down a long gravel/dirt road which had Spartans 2.5-3 miles ahead of us coming the other way. Used a port-a-potty at mile 5.5, then got over the 8' wall by myself by being JUST tall enough to jump and grab the top. There was supposed to be a plate drag after this but it didn't end up happening, which is a bummer. It's one of my best obstacles. Instead we went straight to Irish Tables, which again is a tall woman's dream obstacle (a tall narrow platform you are meant to get over - women's is 5'). The men's seemed to be even taller than usual (definitely over the 6' standard), and I'm honestly not sure how they did it. Miles ticked by and I wondered where Wes was. Armer was easy enough to waddle through. Finally after mile 8 Wes appeared, saying the woman in front of him fell off Tyro and got a concussion. Yikes. This shit is way too dangerous. More on that later.

After mile 9 we reunited with the Super course to do a 7' wall, then another barbed wire crawl (which would be the only crawl on the course for the other two races). It was not as muddy, but it was somehow worse, because the ground was rutted, rocky, and hard. Most people just stood up and walked in between the wires because crawling would be excruciating. At least there was finally a photographer!

Rutted, gutted, rotted

After the barbed wire was an aid station and a great view of the upcoming sandbag carry, which appeared to be straight up the world's steepest hill. I heard several "NOPES" from terrified individuals. But first thing's first: get over that same hill, then back down the other side to loop back to the festival area for a good little obstacle gauntlet with lots of spectators! Whee! First was the bucket carry, which wasn't terribly long or difficult, thank goodness. There was a photographer here too to capture the general mood of those of us who had already traveled 10 miles and had seen the upcoming sandbag carry.

That mood: "ugh"

Next was Herc Hoist, which seemed a bit heavier than usual. People were failing it, so it must have been. My rope gloves were a big help. I kept them out through the spear throw, which Wes had already done and I had no idea if he'd hit it or not (you'll recall our curse, wherein if one of us hits the spear in any given race, the other WILL miss it, guaranteed). I missed, so I knew he'd hit it. Instead of doing burpees, I'd already decided to do situps, since burpees have pushed my collarbone out of alignment one too many times and frankly I'm only doing them if I HAVE to (like in the Stadion age group). I saw Wes coming off the rope and asked him if he'd indeed hit his spear, even though I already knew the answer. Yup. I got up the rope (I'd kept my gloves out for this purpose) and back down, then finally put the gloves away and left the festival gauntlet to climb BACK OVER the big hill, then down the other side, which put us back at the base of the hill for the Sandbag Carry of Doom. Bins held pancake-style sandbags rather than the usual long ones, and they were clearly labelled with the weights (women's 40 lb, men's 60). I grabbed a 40, shouldered it, and soldiered on up the steep, sandy/rocky hill. Thankfully the footing was okay, at least on the one narrow strip of ground in the middle, but on a 35-degree slope you just hope the person in front of you has decent shoes. After two rest breaks I made it to the top, then quickly realized that coming back down was way worse. Maybe the cardio was easier, but we all genuinely felt like we were going to die. Finally I deposited my sandbag back in the bin and chugged some water at the nearby aid station before doing Atlas Carry. I was so happy to be done picking up heavy shit for the day, but there was still a few miles to go.

Up and over the slip wall, which had short ropes and took me two tries to grab despite it being bone-dry. Next was the inverted wall, then a long trek out out out farther and farther from civilization until I was like JIMINY CHRISTMAS, then we finally turned around and did some damn monkey bars. They had some decent sized gaps but at least my hands were dry and the bars were dry. Not a tough clear. And I caught back up to Wes at last!

If you didn't stick your tongue out, did you even do a grip obstacle?

We stayed together, as running was becoming more of a challenge. Two Hurdles, then Helix and the Z-wall back to back in the woods. Past mile 12 to the multi-rig, which had rings, a horizontal bar, and the same plastic-y thick ropes as Attica. They stopped me dead in my tracks and I fell right off when I tried to skip one and grab the second rope. Wes and I did the penalty loop, which was the longest one of the day at about 0.25-0.3 miles. Then yet another long slog through the woods. Up and down. Rolling hills. Ceaselessly rolling. Finally we saw the final gauntlet leading into the festival area. First was rolling mud and the dunk wall, which I skipped. I'd perforated my eardrum a few days before (great timing, right?) and submerging in absolutely filthy water would have been very ill-advised. As Wes made his way through, I did 30 situps over to the side and watched a bunch of confused and petrified people trying to get through the steepest, rockiest "rolling mud" I have ever seen in my life. Then the dunk wall water was only about 2 feet deep. As I did my situps, I thanked Jesus for perforating my eardrum so that I'd have a guilt-free excuse to not do the dunk wall at all this weekend.

Not far away was the vertical cargo with the platform. Except the ground in front of the platform was extremely mucky, and the platform itself tilted down. All of this came together perfectly so that, as I jumped up to flop and turn onto the platform, I slid right back down, landed awkwardly on my feet, then fell directly onto my butt. SPLAT. And now my ass is covered in mud and the spot where I sprained my foot 2.5 years ago feels tweaked. Ugh. I managed to wrestle myself back onto the platform and climb up and over, then do the A-frame cargo and jump over the fire to finish in a personal-best 4:22. A HUGE personal best. By well over an hour.

I believe I can fly.

Got cleaned up at the lukewarm hoses, changed in the empty changing tent, and went back to the hotel to eat and recover. Overnight my foot still felt pretty bad but I figured after a bit of sleep it would be okay. It wasn't reinjured, I thought, just aggravated. This old body is getting rickety. Sure enough it felt fine when I woke up, especially after putting my shoes on, and I drove back to the venue feeling very optimistic. This was going MUCH better than my previous Ohio trifecta weekend. Going into day 2 uninjured was major, as was knowing that the terrain was very doable and there would be no surprises.

Except surprise! After starting the Super, then failing Olympus (as is my wont), we went through an area that did not look familiar to ANYBODY on the course. It was mucky and dangerous and slippery as hell. Thankfully it was over after about half a mile, but yeesh. We were all gobsmacked that they would change our route from Olympus to Stairway for no apparent reason. It should have been our first clue that the map would not be accurate, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Stairway was in normal mode and I actually got up by myself for the first time since they'd changed the material to that super slippery crap! I did it by grabbing the top of the slippery wall, then doing a mini-pullup and grabbing one rung up, then another to grab another rung up. From there it was easy to hike my hip up and get a foot on. Huzzah! 

Going up the beautiful wildflower meadow (drink!) towards Beater again, a group of guys were nearby, and one of them joked "anyone else feel like singing 'The Sound of Music' right now?" After one second of hesitation, I channeled my inner Maria and sang "the hills are aliiiiive with the sound of music," and the guys were like YES and CLAPPING and saying WOW WHAT A VOICE without a trace of sarcasm, and honestly it felt better than clearing Olympus ever could. Plus I cleared Beater yet again. Bender was easier this time because I followed some folks slightly off course to avoid the previous day's mud puddle beforehand. Wes boosted me on The Box before going off on the penalty loop. His arm had been bugging him so he was taking fewer chances, but I managed to get Twister again because thankfully my arms, although sore, were still fully functional, at least for now.

Instead of turning left after Twister like the Beast did, the Super went straight towards the 7' wall, then that infernal barbed wire crawl. Up and over the Big Hill (this was essentially the main hill of the course, between the festival/parking and many of the obstacles). This time we were close to mile 5 as we did the bucket carry. I had a sneaking suspicion that this course would not be the "under 7 miles" indicated on the map.

"Sup, guys! I brought a 5-gallon bucket of pebbles!"

Herc hoist went same as Saturday, as did the spear (except this time I got to WATCH Wes hit the spear before I failed). Rope climb was feeling tougher today. I could tell my grip was getting a bit fatigued, but it just needed to hang in there a few more hours. The from here on went the same as yesterday for the most part. I chose a worse lane on the Z-wall and slipped off briefly. Turns out the wall was tilted a bit backwards. Pro tip: look at the damn walls before you pick one. The multi-rig was rings only which was nice, but my left-hand grip was so tired I needed to take an extra swing and match on each ring that hand was leading. Vertical cargo was easier without the platform, even though it hurt my raw hand skin, and we finished the 8-mile (!) course in over 3 hours. Tragic.

Forgot to mention that we took several videos! Enjoy!

We were supposed to start the Sprint at noon, but that wouldn't be possible now, so we just picked up our packets and got ready as quickly as we could, then jumped in to start with the 12:15 wave. At this point, as expected, we were totally over this awesome venue and awesome course. If you've never done a trifecta weekend, you may not know how much more cursing you progressively do throughout the day. Lots of F-bombs were being dropped, and not just by me/us. Thankfully we just went straight up to the overwall and barbed wire, then turned around and came back to the bucket carry. No more faffing about, we know exactly what we are in for, and it's just gonna be the last three miles or so YET AGAIN. 

Okay, maybe a LITTLE faffing about.

One last spear throw. It was our last chance to break our curse this weekend. We'd decided I would go first, since I was due for a damn spear hit. And it happened. I stuck it. Then Wes picked up the spear. Threw. STUCK. Oh my god. It was our own two-person liberation of France. You cannot even imagine the weight that had been lifted off our shoulders. As we shared a sweaty hug I'm sure onlookers wondered WTF our deal was. But that spear invigorated us. We were ALIVE, dammit. The great feeling lasted right up until that fucking sandbag carry.

By the time I got to the monkey bars, I knew I was getting pretty damn tired, and sure enough I slipped off the bars about 2/3 of the way through. I did situps quickly and hoped that I wouldn't fail the rings because I was too tired for that stupid penalty loop. I did, in fact, clear the rings. No more grip obstacles, and thank goodness, because not only was my grip strength shot to hell, my hands felt like they'd been taken to a power sander. Skipping the dunk wall yet again (there was a photographer there for the Super and Sprint but WHO CARES), then did the cargo net stuff and jumped the fire in about 1:42. Praise the lord.

And praise the Lord for this UNBELIEVABLE FINISHER PIC.

Got cleaned up as best I could, then drove six hours (halfway home) to stay in the same hotel I always stayed at for the Attica races. Ah, how my Spartan journey has evolved. In my first Beast I failed 7 obstacles. In last year's Ohio Trifecta Weekend I either skipped or failed a TON of stuff because of my sprained ankle on day 1. This year I only failed 6 obstacles total all weekend, and only skipped the dunk wall because that was literally doctor's orders. I'm definitely coming back next year.

And y'all...a Pride-themed logo. FLAWLESS.

Pros:

-New venue is challenging and gorgeous.

-Obstacles were well suited to a tall woman such as myself.

-We got EXTREMELY lucky with the weather. Threaded the needle between heat waves.

Cons:

-Obstacle spacing had similar challenges to previous venue.

-Rolling mud and dunk wall looked RIDICULOUS.

-Don't change heat times within days of the event, Spartan.

Race Grade:  A. Fantastic event. Love the new venue, even with nearly a mile of vertical gain over 25.5 miles.

Link to Super video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcfFllZzU_E