Spartan Beast, Super and Sprint Ohio, 6/18-19/22 Bloomingdale, OH
Weather: 70 degrees, sunny
Terrain: Grasslands, forest, hills
Garmin Data Beast: 13.4 miles (includes 2 penalty loops); 2,150' elevation gain
Garmin Data Super: 7.9 miles (includes 1 penalty loop); 1,500' elevation gain
Garmin Data Sprint: 4 miles; 825' elevation gain
(Slightly inaccurate) Course Map
Spartan Ohio decided to pull an epic switcheroo this year. Instead of the usual venue of Southington Off-Road Park, we would now be at Renegade Ridge Off-Road Park, which was located somewhat southeast. "Yeah, but Ohio is pancake-flat, it'll probably be about the same." HA. HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. *inhales* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, now that we've got that out of our system. Wes and I were reuniting Team Strugglebus for yet another epic trifecta weekend in Ohio. Our run fitness has improved since last year, so we were hoping to not quite need the struggle BUS. Maybe a Struggle Wagon, or a Struggle Bicycle. We carpooled to the Beast on Saturday and were pleased with the easy parking and walk to the festival. Tragically, I discovered that Spartan had changed our start times since I'd last checked (on freakin' THURSDAY), but no matter, it was only 15 minutes later. Since the weather was unseasonably cold and we were thus unprepared, we purchased overpriced sweatshirts so that we wouldn't die. The festival was easy to navigate and we started on time.
We took off jogging in a lovely field with gentle up- and downslopes. It was immediately apparent that this course would be hilly, ranging from "rolling" to "YIKES." At the top of the first "technically rolling but LONG" hill was a single overwall, then we navigated downward to a 6' wall. Note that I say "we" to refer not only to the race in general, but to myself and Wes, as we would occasionally separate and reunite as he jogged more but failed something (allowing me to catch up). After that was a jaunt through a slightly muddy forest, then Olympus around the 1-mile mark. I failed it immediately, as usual, and set off down the penalty loop trail, which was blessedly short (less than 0.2 miles). Turns out several obstacles had penalty loops, all of them fairly short like this. Stairway to Sparta was a bit further along and in Beast mode, naturally. I received a boost from a lovely bear of a man.
Mile 2 took us through a gorgeous meadow of wildflowers (make a drinking game out of "gorgeous meadow of wildflowers" for this course. Way better than the previous venue's "godforsaken tunnel of opaque water" drinking game) to Pipe Lair and our second water stop, which had Honey Stinger chews. Lots of the aid stations had these, and they were very popular. Great job, Spartan, for getting a sponsor to really go to town on these aid stations. Past here was Beater, which I am still 100% on for completion, followed by Bender, which was right after a mud puddle and therefore scary. That ladder + slippery shoes = DEATH. The Box was another boost, but Twister was all me. Wes was doing penalty loops a-go-go which was surely adding to his distance, but since neither of us had done much obstacle training beforehand I was pretty shocked that I was clearing stuff and wondered when my luck would run out.
Thankfully it didn't run out on the next obstacle, Tyro Traverse, which I cleared even more easily than in Attica (no cramps at all!). I saw Wes approaching it as I was leaving, so I figured he'd catch up to me in a few minutes. We were now in the Beast-only section of the map, which had much lower obstacle density and therefore more running. I was able to jog a good bit myself as I made it to a fairly gross barbed wire crawl through a few mud puddles, then down a long gravel/dirt road which had Spartans 2.5-3 miles ahead of us coming the other way. Used a port-a-potty at mile 5.5, then got over the 8' wall by myself by being JUST tall enough to jump and grab the top. There was supposed to be a plate drag after this but it didn't end up happening, which is a bummer. It's one of my best obstacles. Instead we went straight to Irish Tables, which again is a tall woman's dream obstacle (a tall narrow platform you are meant to get over - women's is 5'). The men's seemed to be even taller than usual (definitely over the 6' standard), and I'm honestly not sure how they did it. Miles ticked by and I wondered where Wes was. Armer was easy enough to waddle through. Finally after mile 8 Wes appeared, saying the woman in front of him fell off Tyro and got a concussion. Yikes. This shit is way too dangerous. More on that later.
After mile 9 we reunited with the Super course to do a 7' wall, then another barbed wire crawl (which would be the only crawl on the course for the other two races). It was not as muddy, but it was somehow worse, because the ground was rutted, rocky, and hard. Most people just stood up and walked in between the wires because crawling would be excruciating. At least there was finally a photographer!
Rutted, gutted, rotted
After the barbed wire was an aid station and a great view of the upcoming sandbag carry, which appeared to be straight up the world's steepest hill. I heard several "NOPES" from terrified individuals. But first thing's first: get over that same hill, then back down the other side to loop back to the festival area for a good little obstacle gauntlet with lots of spectators! Whee! First was the bucket carry, which wasn't terribly long or difficult, thank goodness. There was a photographer here too to capture the general mood of those of us who had already traveled 10 miles and had seen the upcoming sandbag carry.
That mood: "ugh"
Next was Herc Hoist, which seemed a bit heavier than usual. People were failing it, so it must have been. My rope gloves were a big help. I kept them out through the spear throw, which Wes had already done and I had no idea if he'd hit it or not (you'll recall our curse, wherein if one of us hits the spear in any given race, the other WILL miss it, guaranteed). I missed, so I knew he'd hit it. Instead of doing burpees, I'd already decided to do situps, since burpees have pushed my collarbone out of alignment one too many times and frankly I'm only doing them if I HAVE to (like in the Stadion age group). I saw Wes coming off the rope and asked him if he'd indeed hit his spear, even though I already knew the answer. Yup. I got up the rope (I'd kept my gloves out for this purpose) and back down, then finally put the gloves away and left the festival gauntlet to climb BACK OVER the big hill, then down the other side, which put us back at the base of the hill for the Sandbag Carry of Doom. Bins held pancake-style sandbags rather than the usual long ones, and they were clearly labelled with the weights (women's 40 lb, men's 60). I grabbed a 40, shouldered it, and soldiered on up the steep, sandy/rocky hill. Thankfully the footing was okay, at least on the one narrow strip of ground in the middle, but on a 35-degree slope you just hope the person in front of you has decent shoes. After two rest breaks I made it to the top, then quickly realized that coming back down was way worse. Maybe the cardio was easier, but we all genuinely felt like we were going to die. Finally I deposited my sandbag back in the bin and chugged some water at the nearby aid station before doing Atlas Carry. I was so happy to be done picking up heavy shit for the day, but there was still a few miles to go.
Up and over the slip wall, which had short ropes and took me two tries to grab despite it being bone-dry. Next was the inverted wall, then a long trek out out out farther and farther from civilization until I was like JIMINY CHRISTMAS, then we finally turned around and did some damn monkey bars. They had some decent sized gaps but at least my hands were dry and the bars were dry. Not a tough clear. And I caught back up to Wes at last!
If you didn't stick your tongue out, did you even do a grip obstacle?
We stayed together, as running was becoming more of a challenge. Two Hurdles, then Helix and the Z-wall back to back in the woods. Past mile 12 to the multi-rig, which had rings, a horizontal bar, and the same plastic-y thick ropes as Attica. They stopped me dead in my tracks and I fell right off when I tried to skip one and grab the second rope. Wes and I did the penalty loop, which was the longest one of the day at about 0.25-0.3 miles. Then yet another long slog through the woods. Up and down. Rolling hills. Ceaselessly rolling. Finally we saw the final gauntlet leading into the festival area. First was rolling mud and the dunk wall, which I skipped. I'd perforated my eardrum a few days before (great timing, right?) and submerging in absolutely filthy water would have been very ill-advised. As Wes made his way through, I did 30 situps over to the side and watched a bunch of confused and petrified people trying to get through the steepest, rockiest "rolling mud" I have ever seen in my life. Then the dunk wall water was only about 2 feet deep. As I did my situps, I thanked Jesus for perforating my eardrum so that I'd have a guilt-free excuse to not do the dunk wall at all this weekend.
Not far away was the vertical cargo with the platform. Except the ground in front of the platform was extremely mucky, and the platform itself tilted down. All of this came together perfectly so that, as I jumped up to flop and turn onto the platform, I slid right back down, landed awkwardly on my feet, then fell directly onto my butt. SPLAT. And now my ass is covered in mud and the spot where I sprained my foot 2.5 years ago feels tweaked. Ugh. I managed to wrestle myself back onto the platform and climb up and over, then do the A-frame cargo and jump over the fire to finish in a personal-best 4:22. A HUGE personal best. By well over an hour.
I believe I can fly.
Got cleaned up at the lukewarm hoses, changed in the empty changing tent, and went back to the hotel to eat and recover. Overnight my foot still felt pretty bad but I figured after a bit of sleep it would be okay. It wasn't reinjured, I thought, just aggravated. This old body is getting rickety. Sure enough it felt fine when I woke up, especially after putting my shoes on, and I drove back to the venue feeling very optimistic. This was going MUCH better than my previous Ohio trifecta weekend. Going into day 2 uninjured was major, as was knowing that the terrain was very doable and there would be no surprises.
Except surprise! After starting the Super, then failing Olympus (as is my wont), we went through an area that did not look familiar to ANYBODY on the course. It was mucky and dangerous and slippery as hell. Thankfully it was over after about half a mile, but yeesh. We were all gobsmacked that they would change our route from Olympus to Stairway for no apparent reason. It should have been our first clue that the map would not be accurate, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Stairway was in normal mode and I actually got up by myself for the first time since they'd changed the material to that super slippery crap! I did it by grabbing the top of the slippery wall, then doing a mini-pullup and grabbing one rung up, then another to grab another rung up. From there it was easy to hike my hip up and get a foot on. Huzzah!
Going up the beautiful wildflower meadow (drink!) towards Beater again, a group of guys were nearby, and one of them joked "anyone else feel like singing 'The Sound of Music' right now?" After one second of hesitation, I channeled my inner Maria and sang "the hills are aliiiiive with the sound of music," and the guys were like YES and CLAPPING and saying WOW WHAT A VOICE without a trace of sarcasm, and honestly it felt better than clearing Olympus ever could. Plus I cleared Beater yet again. Bender was easier this time because I followed some folks slightly off course to avoid the previous day's mud puddle beforehand. Wes boosted me on The Box before going off on the penalty loop. His arm had been bugging him so he was taking fewer chances, but I managed to get Twister again because thankfully my arms, although sore, were still fully functional, at least for now.
Instead of turning left after Twister like the Beast did, the Super went straight towards the 7' wall, then that infernal barbed wire crawl. Up and over the Big Hill (this was essentially the main hill of the course, between the festival/parking and many of the obstacles). This time we were close to mile 5 as we did the bucket carry. I had a sneaking suspicion that this course would not be the "under 7 miles" indicated on the map.
"Sup, guys! I brought a 5-gallon bucket of pebbles!"
Herc hoist went same as Saturday, as did the spear (except this time I got to WATCH Wes hit the spear before I failed). Rope climb was feeling tougher today. I could tell my grip was getting a bit fatigued, but it just needed to hang in there a few more hours. The from here on went the same as yesterday for the most part. I chose a worse lane on the Z-wall and slipped off briefly. Turns out the wall was tilted a bit backwards. Pro tip: look at the damn walls before you pick one. The multi-rig was rings only which was nice, but my left-hand grip was so tired I needed to take an extra swing and match on each ring that hand was leading. Vertical cargo was easier without the platform, even though it hurt my raw hand skin, and we finished the 8-mile (!) course in over 3 hours. Tragic.
Forgot to mention that we took several videos! Enjoy!
We were supposed to start the Sprint at noon, but that wouldn't be possible now, so we just picked up our packets and got ready as quickly as we could, then jumped in to start with the 12:15 wave. At this point, as expected, we were totally over this awesome venue and awesome course. If you've never done a trifecta weekend, you may not know how much more cursing you progressively do throughout the day. Lots of F-bombs were being dropped, and not just by me/us. Thankfully we just went straight up to the overwall and barbed wire, then turned around and came back to the bucket carry. No more faffing about, we know exactly what we are in for, and it's just gonna be the last three miles or so YET AGAIN.
Okay, maybe a LITTLE faffing about.
One last spear throw. It was our last chance to break our curse this weekend. We'd decided I would go first, since I was due for a damn spear hit. And it happened. I stuck it. Then Wes picked up the spear. Threw. STUCK. Oh my god. It was our own two-person liberation of France. You cannot even imagine the weight that had been lifted off our shoulders. As we shared a sweaty hug I'm sure onlookers wondered WTF our deal was. But that spear invigorated us. We were ALIVE, dammit. The great feeling lasted right up until that fucking sandbag carry.
By the time I got to the monkey bars, I knew I was getting pretty damn tired, and sure enough I slipped off the bars about 2/3 of the way through. I did situps quickly and hoped that I wouldn't fail the rings because I was too tired for that stupid penalty loop. I did, in fact, clear the rings. No more grip obstacles, and thank goodness, because not only was my grip strength shot to hell, my hands felt like they'd been taken to a power sander. Skipping the dunk wall yet again (there was a photographer there for the Super and Sprint but WHO CARES), then did the cargo net stuff and jumped the fire in about 1:42. Praise the lord.
And praise the Lord for this UNBELIEVABLE FINISHER PIC.
Got cleaned up as best I could, then drove six hours (halfway home) to stay in the same hotel I always stayed at for the Attica races. Ah, how my Spartan journey has evolved. In my first Beast I failed 7 obstacles. In last year's Ohio Trifecta Weekend I either skipped or failed a TON of stuff because of my sprained ankle on day 1. This year I only failed 6 obstacles total all weekend, and only skipped the dunk wall because that was literally doctor's orders. I'm definitely coming back next year.
And y'all...a Pride-themed logo. FLAWLESS.
Pros:
-New venue is challenging and gorgeous.
-Obstacles were well suited to a tall woman such as myself.
-We got EXTREMELY lucky with the weather. Threaded the needle between heat waves.
Cons:
-Obstacle spacing had similar challenges to previous venue.
-Rolling mud and dunk wall looked RIDICULOUS.
-Don't change heat times within days of the event, Spartan.
Race Grade: A. Fantastic event. Love the new venue, even with nearly a mile of vertical gain over 25.5 miles.
Link to Super video on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcfFllZzU_E
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