You Might Be an Endurance Athlete If...

In the grand tradition of Jeff Foxworthy, I've come up with some ways for people to tell whether they might be an endurance athlete.

If you've ever looked at your toenails and thought, "when did THAT happen?", you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've ever gotten into the shower and had your chafed skin burn like a transitional-labor contraction, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your biggest concern on a super-hot weather run is that you could poop your pants, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you own the same shorts in ten different colors because they "don't rub wrong," you might be an endurance athlete.

If the idea of losing your race shoes in your airplane luggage makes you full-on panic, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've been so afraid of losing your race shoes on a plane that you make room for them in your carry-on, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you are more afraid of losing your race shoes than you are of losing your MEDICATION, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your foot has ever bled for no reason, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've had blisters that are enormous and an ass that isn't, you might be an endurance athlete.

If every t-shirt you own has sponsors on the back, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've seriously contemplated how many miles you could travel on bicycle in the zombie apocalypse, and that number ends with multiple zeros, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have a favorite skin lubricant and it ain't sexual, you might be an endurance athlete.

If there is nothing funny about Gold Bond medicated powder, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have ever taken a Tums before a workout and called it "pre-gaming," you might be an endurance athlete.

If carb-loading is not an event but a LIFESTYLE, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have ever put additional salt on Hamburger Helper, you might be an endurance athlete.

If a glass of plain, nonfat milk has ever "really hit the spot," you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have a permanent tan line from a racerback top, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your bedtime routine involves foam rollers, Graston scrapers, and massage guns, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your mother has ever sincerely pleaded with you to quit a marathon for your own safety, you might be an endurance athlete.

And last but not least, if you have ever run in tight circles around a crowded parking lot to add extra distance to your Garmin because an uneven number is unacceptable, you might be an endurance athlete.