10 Rules of Etiquette

Listen up, fellow walkers. You know a lot of runners don't like us. The bad apples are ruining the bunch. Race and trail etiquette are critical for everyone, but especially for walkers like us. Proper etiquette can be the difference between getting mad respect and just getting people mad. Maybe you just don't know proper race and trail etiquette. Memorize this list. Everyone will thank you. Possibly literally!

1) Keep right. This is rule #1. Here in America, we drive on the right side of the road. Trails are no different. During a race, you are welcome to take the tangents, but in general you keep right, and as far right as you can. After passing someone, you guessed it, move your ass back over to the right. I have personally seen cyclists almost slam into each other because one of them didn't stay on the right side of the trail even while going around a blind corner. While we're at it...

2) Hold your line. No weaving around. There are few things more frustrating than trying to pass a person who is walking in the middle of the trail and weaving around like a drunk.

3) No sudden stops. If you must stop or slow down (say, you're running/walking an interval), glance behind you and move right before you slow down or stop. Please make sure you are not about to totally block someone.

4) WALK NO MORE THAN TWO ABREAST. This is so important I wrote it in all caps. Whether you are running or walking, stick to two abreast, and stick close together. If I had a dollar for every time I came upon a wall of bitches walking and talking like they're on the show "Sex and the City," I'd have enough money to buy my own track and ban them from entering. If there are three or four of you and you simply MUST walk together, go 2 and 1 or 2 and 2. It is easier to talk if you are clumped up than if you are in a wide line.

(Anecdote: the last race I did was a local 4-miler, and I had to do it with a jogging stroller. At the halfway point, a group of three girls insisted on run/walking three abreast on a very narrow trail. They would run to pass me, then stop and walk much slower than I was walking, so I had to pass them, but they would NOT LET ME. If you have never had road rage while pushing a stroller, I don't recommend it.)

5) If you come upon people on the trail, announce that you are passing. Simply saying "on your left" makes a difference between being courteous and being sort of a dick. Conversely, unlike the women in my anecdote, if you hear someone say "on your left," move your ass to the right.

6) Do not litter. Seriously. If you have garbage with you (like you brought a pack of fruit snacks and just finished them), hold onto it until you find a garbage can.

7) In a race, start with your pace. Lining up before the start, you can tell where you belong, usually. If you are walking, generally you will start near the back, or at the back. If you look around and see nothing but 120-lb men wearing very tiny shorts, you are in the wrong place, buddy. Line up where you see folks who look like you. If in doubt, ask the folks around you how they plan to finish, and that may give you a rough idea of their pace compared to yours. Ideally, every race would have pace signs in the start corrals, but that is very rare.

8) At water stops, don't come to a dead stop. Keep your pace or slow down only a little. Learn how to grab beverages at full pace, and learn how to drink at full pace without covering yourself in Powerade. And remember to thank the volunteers!

9) Whether on the trail or in a race, if you must listen to headphones, keep the volume low. You want to hear what is going on around you. I actually am very opposed to wearing headphones during races and on the trails, because it can be dangerous to lose your sense of hearing. In particular, women have been assaulted on trails because wearing headphones makes them vulnerable to being sneaked up on. Save the headphones for the treadmill, or at least keep the volume low enough that you can hear anything around you, especially people saying "on your left." As Captain Holt says on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, "music is a crutch," so think about why you *need* it.

10) In general, beyond what I've already said, try to have as much spatial awareness as possible. Swing your arms front and back, not sideways. Take tangents on the trails only when you know it is safe. In a race, throw your empty cups to the side of the road, don't just drop them or throw them in someone else's path. Always remember that you are not the only one doing a race, or the only one on the trail. Not only that, you are representing walkers out there. Do it well!