Unboxing Spartan Virtual Trifecta World Championship Kit

 

Recap of race weekend: http://fastfancywalking.blogspot.com/2020/11/race-recap-spartan-virtual-trifecta.html

Vlog of race weekend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v2btbok7jo

"Race" Recap: Highlander Assault 12 Days of Christmas Virtual Challenge

Highlander Assault 12 Days of Christmas Virtual Challenge, 11/10-17/20, Cedar Falls, IA

In my ongoing effort to find fun virtual challenges to do, I jumped on the chance to sign up for Highlander Assault's latest virtual challenge. I hugely enjoyed their 5K weighted carry challenge that I did last spring. This would be very different: instead of a one-time event, there would be 12 challenges that you can complete in whatever timing and order you want. You just need to keep track of your progress and send it to them when you're done, and they'll mail you the swag. Definitely doable. 

Started on the Tuesday after my Spartan virtual trifecta weekend, on legs that were still sore. That day I did the following five challenges and timed each of them (I was hoping for a total of around 3 hours for all the challenges). It was raining and cold outside so I stuck with indoor stuff.

1. 20 flights of stairs in 5 minutes flat. I did these by just jogging up and down the stairs in my house. Figured it would be a good warmup.

2. 100 situps, two 30-second leg lifts; done in 4:39. The kind of challenge that starts out easy and takes a turn for the "ooof" at around rep 60.

3. 125 pushups; done in 5:40. This one scared me the most out of every challenge because that pushing motion caused a lot of chronic collarbone issues for me a couple of years ago (the issues lasted until quarantine, basically). Decided to do as many as I could on the floor, from the knees (ended up being 50), then switched to wall pushups for the last 75. It was shocking how tough the wall pushups felt, too. Arms were rubber afterward.

4. 100 crunches; 2:29. This wasn't bad at all, although after those situps is a lot of abs. Reps 90-100 were a struggle.

5. 100 lunges; 4:11. Not as bad as I thought it would be.

Two days later (Thursday the 12th) I decided to sneak out of the house for the:

6. 5K run; 32:21. It was a bit chilly but no wind, which is a rare blessing. My shins were not thrilled (still a bit splinty from the trifecta) but I iced afterward and they'll be fine eventually. A decent pace, but not quite what I was hoping for.

On Saturday the 14th, it was cold, windy, and there was a mist in the air, but I wanted to get a couple more things done. I took out Venti the Sandbag and decided to bang out both heavy carries back to back.

7. 2-mile 20-lb sandbag carry; completed in 28:10. My triceps were still trashed from the pushups (3) so it was harder than expected to keep the bag on my shoulder. Had to switch sides a lot. My goal of under 30 minutes was easily met, though. Immediately followed by:

8. 1-mile 20-lb sandbag carry, with 25 weighted squats at finish; done in 14:59. I was hoping for under 15 minutes so just under the wire there!

Shins were feeling much better by Monday the 16th, so I decided to complete the longest of the 12 challenges...

9. One-hour run. My goal was to complete 5.5 miles in the allotted time, thankfully I managed to eke out 5.6 miles! The power of positive thinking and extremely frequent but short walk breaks!

On Tuesday the 17th, I decided to finish this thing off. My triceps were feeling Okay, and my shins only bugged me a little bit from the day before. 

10. 100 burpees, in 14:51. This was pretty miserable, as I hadn't done burpees in a loooong time and frankly, my triceps quickly went from Okay to Jello Jigglers (remember those? Classic). Did 'em in sets of 10.

Afterward I headed off for the school football field which had lines painted on it to complete the final two tasks!

11. Fifteen 20-yard sprints, done in 2:12. This was unpleasant for my shins, and I am not much of a sprinter, but I included my recovery time between the sprints. Fortunately my antics seemed to be unnoticed by the first graders on the playground at recess. And finally...

12. 100-yard crab walk, in 5:55. This SUCKED. It was the culmination of a week of intense tricep soreness. The first 40 yards went fairly normally. Then my wrists and elbows started constantly collapsing and I had to switch to a desperate "throwing myself backwards with a violent scoot" technique. I did make it all the way across the football field, which was freezing cold and vaguely damp, and then did the walk of shame back to my house for a hot shower.

Submitted my total time (3:00:27 for all challenges! Right at my goal!) online, as well as my chart of each event's day and time. Now to wait for the swag to come in. I'll update this when it arrives.

Pros:

-Put me out of my comfort zone, which is good.

-Good variety of challenges, and they were hard enough to make a person feel accomplished.

Cons:

-I. Hate. Pushups.

-I. Hate. Burpees.

-I. Declare. BANKRUPTCY!

"Race" Grade: A-. A great way to end a really weird year. 

Race Recap: Des Moines Virtual Half Marathon

 Des Moines Virtual Half Marathon, 10/24/20 Cedar Falls, IA

Distance: 13.1 miles

Terrain: Paved recreation trails and some sidewalks

Weather: 20s and sunny

This was a last-minute addition to my race calendar. After last year's awful Des Moines Half Marathon experience (I will not bother linking to ALL the race recaps from ALL the years I've done this race disastrously), I vowed to avoid the race in the future. But this is 2020, and with everything canceled, Des Moines offered their race as a virtual. And the one thing Des Moines does well is swag. So I was in. Plus the kit was a reasonable $40.

Unfortunately the weather was not very cooperative, in that it was very cold, even for Iowa in October. I wasn't used to the cold yet and knew I would overdress. Set out in two long-sleeves and two pairs of tights, and within the first mile I regretted the second layer of both. Took off the overshirt and ended up removing my gloves frequently as well. But I chose a pretty nice course that took me from downtown Cedar Falls all the way to Waterloo (past the Cattle Congress grounds, which always reminds my mother of some sort of bovine House of Representatives, which you gotta admit is hilarious) and back. I was feeling pretty fast despite it being peak Clare Allergy Season, and by the halfway point I was on pace to PR!

But it was not meant to be on this frigid October day. Around mile 9, my left knee started acting up. A fairly rare occurrence for me, but everyone knows that endurance sport is 70% determination and 30% "what's gonna hurt today for no reason?" Fortunately I was still able to jog a good amount, so although my PR dreams were dashed, I did finish in about 2:39, which is a very respectable time for me. And my husband and son were at the park where I'd left my car, so I got a lovely finisher photo (with border courtesy of the DMM app).

I submitted my time via the app. At the end of the race window I went to check my results and realized...they have not sorted these by distance. At all. Like, they have all the results from the 5-mile, half, and full marathons clumped together on the same page. There is no way to know how you actually did compared to others who did your distance. The "average finish time" is 2:55 among all the races and finishers. What the actual eff am I supposed to do with that? It is funny that, even with a virtual event, DMM managed to screw something up super bigly.

On 11/16/20, I finally received my swag in the mail! The shirt is a nice short-sleeve technical V-neck. It is pretty huge, though. I ordered a women's medium and it definitely fits like a large. Or like a medium shirt from Target, perhaps. But it is a great color for me, as I am a classic Autumn. There is also a nice finisher medal with a comfy ribbon, and a Race Wrap with the DMM branding that I cannot wait to wear this winter.

I'm a m-model, you know what I mean

So overall, it's probably my most successful Des Moines race yet. I had a fast time, I didn't have to wait a hundred thousand years for food/Gatorade afterward, no aid stations running out of everything, no early course closures, no hideous jacket in the swag bag. An excellent, though freezing, fall run.

Pros:

-I got to do my own thang.

-Swag is nice.

-Didn't have to travel to Des Moines (god love it).

Cons: 

-Shirt is definitely bigger than advertised, but that's okay. I feel bad for petite women though. I bet a small would have fit me perfectly, seriously, what do 5', 95-lb women do? We don't need this ridiculous vanity sizing in the ATHLETIC WORLD. Save that for Target and Old Navy.

-Results are a hot mess.

-Every other Des Moines Marathon weekend race I've ever done.

Race Grade: A-. It gets my best DMM grade ever, mostly because DMM had almost no hands in it.

NOTICE

Mobile site format is messed up. If posts are too wide on your phone, scroll to bottom of the homepage and click "View Web Version." Sorry!

This Is Spartan Trifecta Weekend Episode 4

 

Link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_v2btbok7jo

I do an actual trifecta weekend! Well, a virtual one. The Spartan Virtual Trifecta World Championship! Race recap at this link.

Race Recap: Spartan Virtual Trifecta World Championship

Spartan Virtual Trifecta World Championship, 11/7-8/2020

Weather: 72 degrees, breezy and sunny (both days)

Terrain: Suburban backyard and sidewalks

Distances: 13.1 miles with 30 obstacles (Beast), 6.2 miles with 25 obstacles (Super), 3.1 miles with 20 obstacles (Sprint)
Elevation Gain: 459 feet (Beast), 205 feet (Super), 110 feet (Sprint)

I was very excited to see that Spartan was offering their Trifecta World Championship weekend in virtual form. Especially considering my training for an in-person trifecta weekend in June, which hopefully will actually occur (COVID-willing). I wrote my workouts on my computer to give me the perfect flow, then transferred them to color-coded index cards, then laminated the index cards with packing tape. I don't screw around, folks. I knew I'd need a plan, fully baked and laid out, then all I'd have to do is execute.

I mean come on. Perfection.

Spartan allowed for us to have Friday through Sunday to complete the races, but I decided to dramatize a proper trifecta weekend and do the Beast on Saturday and the Super and Sprint on Sunday. I also decided to set a time goal for myself of 5.5 hours for all three events, for which I'd need a 3-hour Beast, 1:40 Super, and 50 minute Sprint. After carbo-loading for weeks (election stress is a hell of a drug), I set up my backyard obstacles and my cooler full of Gatorade and started the Beast at around 11 AM on an unseasonably warm Saturday. As was according to plan, I jog/walked to a nearby park for the first two obstacles, which I'd be repeating in the next two races as well. Chain ladder is tough because it is designed for children. The monkey bars are tough there because they curve in an S-pattern. Still, both were easy clears and I headed back home for the first backyard gauntlet. Sandbag carry around the house, followed by Olympus, Beater, spear throw (I nailed it!), rope climb, and Twister (big air quotes on that one - it's just sideways monkey bars). I then took off for the field near the junior high school where they'd left the giant tires. Decided to flip the 400-lb tire twice and call it "Beast Mode Tire Flip," and it went extremely smoothly. But I tell ya, nothing spikes the heart rate like a woman flipping a tire that's at least 2.5 times her body weight.

Across the field for a 4-foot fence hop, then Nolympus (my lateral fence traverse), and a low crawl through the grass. Straight to the elementary playgrounds for a pole scale, climbing over a giant fake rock, out and back on the parallel bars, and the vertical cargo net. Ran home (this was about mile 3.3) to get a new bottle of Gatorade and run across town on a big loop. On the way to Pfeiffer Park, I did a "slip wall" wherein I climbed up and down a dirt slope of an underpass that was probably a 40% incline. At the park I climbed over an 8-foot plastic climbing wall, then did four sets of 10 calisthenics on the grass  - squats, pushups, V-ups, and mountain climbers. I needed to fill in my obstacle list with some of this type of stuff for the Beast. Ran across the pedestrian bridge and added 1 minute to my official finish time by stopping to gawk at a 10-point buck that was VERY close to me. Worth it.

After another mile I'd made it to Gateway Park, where I saw my lovely husband and son playing on the playground that I needed to get an obstacle out of. I chose to climb over an 8-foot plastic wall that was really damn slippery. I had to use my knees to finally get my left foot hooked on top and over the wall. Ten plank up-downs and I was done with all my boring calisthenics, and off to run back across town to my house again. I was almost at mile 10 and did my last gauntlet of home obstacles. First was overwalls across my back deck, which was covered in leaves. We haven't raked. Then bucket carry around the house, followed by monkey bars (which my hands were so sweaty I quickly slipped off - I did 10 jumping jacks as punishment). Climbed up the tall deck, then multi-rig and bouldering wall to finish the obstacles. Ran/walked another 3ish miles to finish out the Beast! Shins a bit angry and I needed to stretch, but this was a wholly successful event. 2:54 (or 2:56 officially, based on total elapsed time), meaning I'd banked 6 minutes towards my weekend time goal!

For we are glorious.

On Sunday I set out with mild soreness in my calves and shins for the Super. Started out at the schools with a low crawl, fence hop, pole scale, monkey bars, rock climb-over, the grip slider (out and back), vertical cargo net, and the yellow squiggle (it's similar enough to Pipe Lair and it was definitely my most whimsical obstacle of the day). Looping back to the house, I did overwalls (discovering a dead squirrel by my deck - nature!), sandbag carry, "Twister," rope climb, spear throw (nailed it again) and Olympus. From here I ran out and back to the park with the chain ladder and monkey bars, just like yesterday. On the way back I passed by a house that was already putting up Christmas decorations, causing me to say "WHAT" out loud like Li'l Jon.

Back at home, I did the multi-rig, bucket carry, Beater, and the deck climb. Then I went back to the schools for my last set of obstacles - tire flip (this time the lighter 200 lb tire, which was very easy), Nolympus, bridge climb on the jungle gym, parallel bars (out and back), and the broken bridge. Looped around for about 2 more miles to finish the distance and finished in 1:29 and change! My goal for the Super had been 1:50 so I was quite thrilled. It was looking very likely that my total for the trifecta would be well under 5.5 hours.

Representing for Black lives, too.

After a short break to change clothes and have a small snack, I took off for the Sprint. Did many of the same obstacles as the Super, but without quite as much running around in between. I had four sets of obstacles in different areas, which was perfect because I didn't have to "find distance" to fill in between them as much. Quick list: at the schools, I did fence hop, pole scale, vertical cargo, parallel bars (out and back), bridge climb, Nolympus, low crawl, and tire flip. At home, sandbag, monkey bars (skipping rungs), rope climb, spear throw (I missed! Dammit.), deck climb, and bouldering wall. At the park I did the chain ladder and monkey bars yet again. Then back home, bucket, overwalls, Beater, and Olympus. Done in 47 minutes!

Now with my Gay Pride shirt and unrelated crotch sweat

Despite feeling pretty wiped afterward, this was a very productive virtual trifecta weekend! My combined time was somewhere around 5:11, which is much better than I was hoping for. I know I didn't do a perfect job of recovering and refueling between races, but I've learned a lot and will apply it (hopefully) in June. As of this writing, my placements for the three races put me in the top 50% of my gender and age group, which is great. The perfect culmination to this year of training! Vlog of my weekend at this link.

Pros:

-Logistics. I had a great plan for the obstacle layout of all three races, and it was much more evenly split into chunks than I usually did.
-Discovered I'm in decent shape despite crazy allergy season.

-Obstacle proficiency is on point. Even the 400-lb tire flip felt smooth.

Cons:

-Should have had more water on Saturday.

-Definitely miss actual Spartan obstacles.

-When I uploaded races for my rankings, it claimed I'd traveled farther than necessary. How the hell is 6.22 miles "10.39 km?"

Race Grade: A-. Don't have my swag yet, but I liked that we had to upload our confirmed Garmin results for rankings. Feels more like a real event that way! And this was a fun way to end the "race season."

What (Not?) To Wear

 Anyone who has done fall or winter races knows one simple fact: people do NOT know how to dress. I'm not talking about fashion. I'm talking about function. Clothing that keeps you warm and dry, without keeping you TOO warm and making you sweat through your gloves. Overdressing is the biggest mistake that beginners (and, frankly, experienced people) make.

Over the last 15 years, through much trial and error, I have come up with a clothing chart for myself that is foolproof. I will share this with you all in case you can find it useful. You may need to amend it slightly for yourself if you are particularly warm- or cold-blooded, but I consider myself fairly normal in terms of heat generation. If you are racing, you can move one step warmer (i.e. a 5K in 45 degree temps would require clothes from the 50-59 range). If you're walking at an easier pace, you can go down one step colder.

Perceived Temperature (Windchill) - Clothing Choices

60+ - Tank top and shorts

50-59 - T-shirt/tank top and shorts/capris

40-49 - Light longsleeve and shorts/capris/tights, light headband

30-39 - Light longlseeve and tights, headband, light gloves

20-29 - Medium longsleeve (sweatshirt or quarter-zip) and tights, headband/beanie, light/medium gloves

10-19 - Heavy longsleeve or two light ones, tights (possibly two layers), hat, gaiter/scarf optional, medium gloves

0-9 - Heavy and light longsleeve, two pairs tights, hat and gaiter/scarf, heavy gloves

Below zero - Jacket and two longsleeves, two pairs tights, lightweight pants, balaclava, heavy gloves

If it is cold and rainy/snowing, make your top layer a waterproof shell. Wear a brimmed hat with a beanie/headband on top. 

Make sure your hydration-pack hose is well insulated in subzero temperatures, or choose to carry a bottle instead.

Always bring sunglasses just in case. They are helpful in sunny, windy, and rainy (paired with brimmed hat) conditions. 

This Is Spartan Trifecta Weekend Episode 3

 

Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gslypdrC0t8

In this episode, I do my weekly workout at the ninja gym, where I strive to increase my obstacle proficiency/technique, grip and upper body strength. Special guest appearance by Thomas, who was featured in my Ninja U facility review! I purposely left in some of the poor attempts and commentary to let people in on my "process," such as it is. Working for improvement is always the goal. Not perfection, improvement!

Unboxing Beat the Blerch Virtual Kit

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYV5jUbkm18

Received the rest of my Beat the Blerch kit! Just in time for what is supposed to be the official race weekend. I did it a little early this year. But this race has great swag, so check it out!

Race Recap: Spartan Beast Iowa

Spartan Beast Iowa 8/29/20 Cedar Falls, IA

Weather: 75 degrees and sunny

Terrain: Suburban backyard and sidewalks

Distance: 13.1 miles with 30 obstacles
Elevation Gain: 594 feet

I've been dying to write a proper race recap since quarantine began. Since that is not going to happen until 2021 (knock on wood), I've decided to write this recap for my last Spartan Virtual Beast, since the virtual race season is ending. Enjoy this dynamic recap of a thrilling race.

I arrived at the venue quite quickly, since it was my own backyard. Logistics were fairly smooth to check in and get ready, although I did have to haul my bucket, sandbag, and spear to their proper positions on the course. Looking at the nonexistent course map, I knew there'd be three large running segments, with most of the obstacles being in big clumps. This definitely seemed like sheer laziness on the part of the race director.

Started off running towards the local schools for the first gauntlet of obstacles. Did the Fence Hop over a four-footer chain link past a group of tween girls finishing some sort of powder puff football practice. They were in awe of my majesty. Continued on to the Pole Scale at the elementary playground, then taxing the grip on the Parallel Bar Traverse (out and back - those reversals are tricky). Vertical Cargo, then I ran back around the school for a trip across Nolympus (lateral fence traverse), then the Tire Flip next to the now-empty football field. I was hoping the powder puff girls would be there to witness me flip a 400-lb tire, but alas. Followed the sand track and ran back to the playground for the Bridge Scale, which is like Bender only more crotch-destroying, followed by the Grip Slider obstacle out and back. The Broken Bridge, kind of like a poor man's PIpe Lair, was next, then I ran down a grassy knoll to the Yellow Squiggle obstacle. It was on the Yellow Squiggle that a spectator (a passing middle-aged man) yelled out to me that I was doing a great job.

I continued down the sidewalk to start my first large running segment, which was a real glamorous tour of the wealthy neighborhoods that I do not live in (but live sort of near). The course included many fascinating sights, including Million Dollar Home (owned by the local car-dealership magnate), Enormous Trump Sign on a Vacant Lot ("We Swear, This Time We WILL Make America Great Again!"), and Huge Motorcycle Convention to Nearby Bar. At around mile 6 I reached my backyard for the next gauntlet of obstacles. The Overwalls over the top of my deck went well, followed by Twister, also known as sideways monkey bars. I'd had plenty of time to rest my grip on that 5-mile run. Sandbag carry went around my house with minimal elevation change, then the rope climb up to my top deck (I used my rope gloves as usual). Now was the dreaded spear throw. Took a deep breath and nailed it! I knew I'd run a clean race now!

My newest obstacle, the Inverted Bouldering Wall, was easy enough, followed by the wall climb up to the top deck. I had rearranged my adjustable monkey bars into a facsimile of Beater, which was short and easy. The bars were kind of rusty, though. Spartan should look into that. Bucket carry was next, followed by a low crawl through my backyard that usually makes my neighbors wonder if I lost a contact lens, but today the neighbors were nowhere in sight. Off I went on another long run segment! This time I took off straight north towards the hilly and shaded neighborhoods. This is always an enjoyable part of this venue. Saw a few other spectators out this way, including a group of 8-year-olds who didn't know what the hell they were looking at.

Looped back around to the backyard at around mile 10 for another long gauntlet of obstacles. First was the Herc Hoist, wherein I laid on the ground and hoisted myself up to standing with the rope-climb rope. It was adequate. These obstacles all felt like miniature versions of the real Spartan obstacles. Perhaps the race director should invest in a pulley. Next was monkey bars, followed by my new Olympus, which is extremely slippery. I'm still not up to the Hard Mode for that one yet, but I crossed it on Easy Mode (with small footholds at the bottom). Next was Bender, which is the exact same thing as the wall climb only without using a vertical board. The Atlas Carry, done with an 80-lb bucket on the ground, was ghetto fabulous. This was followed by the multi-rig, followed by a Balance Beam and the Log Carry (the log was unsatisfactory - very scratchy indeed).

Time for the last run segment! For this one I followed the sidewalks out to a nearby park where two obstacles awaited. One was a cargo chain climb, and the other was a set of curving monkey bars. After crushing these two obstacles (ahem, on a playground meant for children, ahem), I jogged triumphantly through another nice neighborhood before reaching the finish line in front of my house, leaping half-heartedly over invisible fire. It was a big virtual Beast PR for me, which is great! The finish line spread had Gatorade Zero and, after some preparation, macaroni and cheese.

Pros:

-Logistics. The entire course was steps from my front door.
-Obstacles played to my strengths, as they were all totally chosen and curated by me.
-Course was hilly enough to be interesting, but not so hilly as to make me regret my life choices.

-Somehow I won first place overall?! ERMAHGERD.

Cons:

-Gauntlets of many obstacles at once feel strange compared to other Spartan races I've done.

-That Olympus was NOT regulation.

-Could have used more volunteers.

Race Grade: B+. The race director did the best they could under the circumstances, but I would not be heartbroken if this course was removed from the 2021 Spartan schedule.

Race Recap: Beat the Blerch Virtual Marathon

 Beat the Blerch Virtual Marathon 9/12/20 Cedar Falls, IA

Weather: 60 degrees, overcast/drizzling

Terrain: Recreation trails and some sidewalks

Distance: 26.2 miles

I purchased the Beat the Blerch virtual race kit for $50 and was excited to do another virtual half marathon. Then I thought, two weeks ago, "why not do a FULL?" I couldn't think of a good reason to do the full, but I couldn't think of a better reason NOT to. So I was in. I told nobody about this plan. I didn't want to have to backpedal in case of failure or quitting. But I saw that after days of rain, the weather today was going to be my absolute favorite road-race weather conditions (stable 60 degrees and drizzling), and I felt good, so I went for it. Full marathon, for the first time since 2012. And now I have GPS to confirm it. 

My thoughts throughout the race:

Mile 1: I feel amazing! I could do this all day!

Mile 4: Ugh, that house has so many terrible political signs. (flips double-bird that no one sees)

Mile 6: Oh god, my foot hurts with a searing pain in my toes. This has happened before, it usually goes away within ten minutes.

Mile 7: It went away!

Mile 10: My hip abductors are cramping. Uh oh.

Mile 12: Perhaps I should take these electrolyte tablets I brought.

Mile 14: The electrolytes aren't totally helping. Never fear, I can walk more.

Mile 16: There is a guy out here already wasted-drunk at noon scream-slurring to his friend that he "NEEDS A FUCKING UMBRELLA FOR THIS WEDDING" he's going to.

Mile 17: I can no longer run at all. Walking it is.

Mile 20: I can no longer properly walk. Staggering it is.

Mile 21: Holy shit, SOMEONE at this giant outdoor picnic I'm staggering past is coughing like Patient Zero, why the hell isn't anyone SAYING ANYTHING?!

Mile 22: Let's try to jog again! (1 second later) STOP STOP MY LEFT KNEE MIGHT EXPLODE

Mile 23: People are looking at me. Like, really looking at me. Trying to make sure I'm okay, physically and mentally.

Mile 24: I am just aware enough of my surroundings to avoid being hit by a car, but I am otherwise pretty out of it.

Mile 25: MY BODY IS FUBAR

Mile 26: My staggering is down to over a 17-minute pace, god let this end.

Mile 26.22: I AM DONE! GLORY HALLELUJAH! Now to check on the state of my blisters, which feel tremendous.

It's really too bad that my hips didn't cooperate because I felt like I had plenty of energy for a PR effort. In the end, I finished in about 6:21, which is my second-best (of 6) marathon finish times. I may never do a full marathon again. I find the distance "too far to be fun." But this one felt pretty good to finish. It took a regular screwed-up race season and made it a little bit special.

Pros:

-Shirt. It's the only piece of swag I've received so far, but it's a fantastic shirt.

-Hardly anyone out, because rain keeps (foolish) people away.

-At no point did I seriously consider quitting.

Cons:

-Rest of kit hadn't arrived because I am too impatient to wait for the official "race weekend." EDITED: kit arrived 9/23, check out my unboxing video!

-That weird bad neighborhood at mile 16 that had actual drunks way earlier than you'd expect.

-2020. This whole year is just one big con.

Race Grade: A-. Love the swag, loved the weather. Don't enjoy the marathon distance, but I certainly feel accomplished!

You Might Be an Endurance Athlete If...

In the grand tradition of Jeff Foxworthy, I've come up with some ways for people to tell whether they might be an endurance athlete.

If you've ever looked at your toenails and thought, "when did THAT happen?", you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've ever gotten into the shower and had your chafed skin burn like a transitional-labor contraction, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your biggest concern on a super-hot weather run is that you could poop your pants, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you own the same shorts in ten different colors because they "don't rub wrong," you might be an endurance athlete.

If the idea of losing your race shoes in your airplane luggage makes you full-on panic, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've been so afraid of losing your race shoes on a plane that you make room for them in your carry-on, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you are more afraid of losing your race shoes than you are of losing your MEDICATION, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your foot has ever bled for no reason, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've had blisters that are enormous and an ass that isn't, you might be an endurance athlete.

If every t-shirt you own has sponsors on the back, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you've seriously contemplated how many miles you could travel on bicycle in the zombie apocalypse, and that number ends with multiple zeros, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have a favorite skin lubricant and it ain't sexual, you might be an endurance athlete.

If there is nothing funny about Gold Bond medicated powder, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have ever taken a Tums before a workout and called it "pre-gaming," you might be an endurance athlete.

If carb-loading is not an event but a LIFESTYLE, you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have ever put additional salt on Hamburger Helper, you might be an endurance athlete.

If a glass of plain, nonfat milk has ever "really hit the spot," you might be an endurance athlete.

If you have a permanent tan line from a racerback top, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your bedtime routine involves foam rollers, Graston scrapers, and massage guns, you might be an endurance athlete.

If your mother has ever sincerely pleaded with you to quit a marathon for your own safety, you might be an endurance athlete.

And last but not least, if you have ever run in tight circles around a crowded parking lot to add extra distance to your Garmin because an uneven number is unacceptable, you might be an endurance athlete.

Unboxing Spartan VR 2.0 Kit

 Got my Spartan virtual race 2.0 kits (Super and Sprint) in the mail. Here is the unboxing and review!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wg6ee8dm3LY

This Is Spartan Trifecta Weekend Episode 2

All about spear throws!

This Is Spartan Trifecta Weekend Episode 1

Let's give 'em something to vlog about. How about a trifecta weekend next year?!

What I Eat in a Day

It seems like a staple of fitness-related blogs to post "what I eat in a day." To basically take a typical day of eating and post it for public consumption (pun intended?). I figured, why not? I started eating like this back in January, in an effort to expedite the healing of my sprained foot. Since then I've been limiting overly processed foods (something I used to eat constantly) and focusing on increasing my protein intake from 10-15% of my daily calories to 20-25%. I also try to shoot for at least 25 grams of fiber daily, with a variety of fruits and vegetables as my main carbohydrate source. I'm also trying to lose weight at a rate of approximately 3 pounds a month. My calorie deficit ranges from zero to about 800 in a typical day, depending on how much I exercise and how big my appetite is. I've found that this way of eating has really helped me maintain muscle mass and energy levels while losing weight at a reasonable pace. I also have treats every single day, which helps general morale in this stressful time.

Here is what I ate (and drank) July 16, 2020, which is pretty typical.

Water throughout the day (oz): 96

Gatorade Zero during/after exercise (oz): 32

Breakfast

Coffee (black) 10 oz

Greek yogurt (170g) topped with a nectarine

Two pieces light wheat toast with peanut butter

400 cal, 25g protein

Exercise

10K run, 58:14

Lunch

Turkey sloppy joe on bun

Nonfat cottage cheese (100g)

Bell pepper slices

Two Hersheys Nuggets (milk chocolate, toffee, and almond)

450 cal, 35g protein

Snack

Chocolate protein muffin

Skim milk (12 oz)

Cherries (165g with pits)

350 cal, 20g protein

Dinner

Chicken (4 oz) and vegetable stirfry with teriyaki sauce

Rice (1 1/3 cup) with low-sodium soy sauce

S’mores (1)

600 cal, 40g protein

TOTAL: 1800 calories, 120g protein

Garmin-Estimated Calories Burned: 2771

The Joy of Training...For Nothing

It's official: all of my 2020 races have been cancelled. So many of us are in the same boat. Perhaps you feel untethered, as I did a few weeks ago. For the first time in my entire fitness career, I have nothing to train for. No goal to anchor my daily workouts. I don't need to build mileage for a marathon. I don't need to practice Spartan obstacles for a Beast. I don't need to build up my burpees. For the first time ever I can just...have fun out there.

Since becoming an adult (meaning, since age 25 or so), I have enjoyed exercise for its own sake. It feels good to strive, to push my body, to get faster, stronger, better than I was a week ago, or a month ago, or a year ago. I like the process as much as the result. I enjoy sweating, breathing hard, being sore. I like learning how my body responds, what it needs from me based on how it's feeling at any given moment. But one thing I have always encouraged in my clients is to pick a goal that they can work towards, since it's always worked for me. It keeps me motivated to know there's an event coming up, so I'd better either be in shape for it or I'm gonna have a lousy time.

With COVID cancelling everything, our priorities must shift when it comes to fitness. So here is my revolutionary idea.

DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

That's right. Work out just for the sake of working out. I hate the term "joyful movement" because it sounds ridiculous, but that's what it comes down to. You don't have to slog through endless road miles...unless you want to. You don't need to practice triathlon transitions or moving from obstacle to obstacle...unless that excites you. What sounds good to you today? Go do that.

In the last several weeks, there have been many workouts where I left the house not knowing exactly what I was going to do or how long the workout would last. I figured it out as I went along. "Oh, I think I'll scale that fence, then do a lap, then crawl a bit, and repeat." "Huh, this track workout is boring, let me put my backpack back on and I'll go through the neighborhood instead." "My left forearm hurts today, I'll do something right-handed like throw a spear 100 times."

DO IT. WHO CARES?!

Now is your chance to get in the best shape of your entire life, FOR NO DAMN REASON. And frankly, it is awesome. The workouts have zero pressure attached. I don't HAVE to run 5 miles in 50 minutes, but if I do, that is dope. I don't need to get up to 75% with the spear throw, but if I do, awesome! Unlike when we have a race as a goal, when you are totally untethered to concrete metrics, you do not have to meet any kind of standards for greatness unless you WANT TO. And it is the best feeling in the world. Go out there and jog until you get tired, then walk instead. Take a break mid workout and sit in front of some stranger's lawn sprinkler. Enjoy the process of fitness for fitness's sake. If you embrace the lack of goals, you might find that you improve anyway, and have more fun along the way. And that's a goal we can all get behind.

On-Obstacle Time Testing

A really useful and oft-overlooked metric for OCR racing is: how long can I stay on an obstacle without falling off? Sometimes grip obstacles can take a bit of extra time, and it becomes a race against the clock to finish the obstacle before our grip fails us. Ideally we'd all have at least 45 seconds of time before we'd need to even start thinking about our dismount.

With that in mind, and thinking towards progressing this summer, I decided to take my baseline on-obstacle time today in a small playground test. I selected the parallel bars, because I knew I could keep moving back and forth on it without having to let go. The bars themselves are about 3-3.5" in diameter, which is larger than any Spartan obstacle I've seen, but that probably would make my test time shorter than my actual Spartan on-obstacle time. In addition, I walked a mile afterward and immediately re-tested, just to see what happens on subsequent obstacles in a race-day situation. Highly recommend this sort of testing for other OCR folks!

Playground Training Ideas (Caught On Film!)

Here are some videos I've taken in the last couple weeks of various things you (yes, you) can do on your local playground! Equipment may vary, but use your imagination, and maintain social distance!

Gym-Free OCR Training

If you're like me, you are NOT going to a gym anytime soon. Going to a gym is an extremely risky activity in the age of COVID. There are simply too many droplets happening in close, indoor quarters to make indoor group exercise worth it. Fortunately, there are ways to get creative and train for obstacles in your own yard and/or neighborhood. Always check current guidelines for your area to make sure these public resources are available.

At Home

It might be worth risking a trip to the hardware store to get a few items for your backyard.
1) Sandbag. You can get a 50 lb bag of sand in the garden section easily.
2) Bucket. Get yourself a 5-gallon bucket. You can put the bag of sand in it. Two obstacles in one!
3) Rope. A climbing rope that is about 1-1.25" thick is lovely. If you get a 30' rope you can use it for a few other things (more on that later).
4) Spear. I got a spare garden tool handle that comes with a hole in the tip, then a box of huge nails that would fit in it (husband had to cut off the head of the nail with a saw). Used a two-part metal epoxy to affix the nail in the hole and voila. Spear for $10 and ten minutes of labor. You can throw the spear at anything you want (please, something that is not alive), but a foam archery target costs about $40.
5) Adjustable monkey bars. If you look for steel pipe nipples (not making this up), and can drill two holes in the top for eye bolts so you can hang them, you can make yourself a great set of monkey bars. Hang them from whatever you've got (if you have a high deck with space underneath, or a pergola, these are good options) with solid rope or straps that can hold a decent amount of weight. You can make a decent facsimile of monkey bars that are responsive like Beater, which is always fun.
6) Long eye bolts. If you have a drill and some balls (softballs or baseballs for best results), you can make attachments for a multi-rig.

Other items you can get in other places:
7) Rope attachment for multi-rig. Turns out a cable machine attachment can do the job for cheap.
8) Sled. Like for winter play. If you get a sled you can make your own plate drag quite easily by loading heavy things on there. Attach your 30' rope to it and pull away.
9) Gymnastics rings. Easy enough to add to your multi-rig for about $30.
10) Traverse walls. If you are savvy enough with woodshop to build yourself a wall, you can do a lot. Z-walls or even Olympus could be constructed in your backyard. I'm still working on an Olympus so I can't speak too much on the subject, but if you've got the space and the tool skills, go for it.
11) Climbing walls. You might already have something climbable in your yard. I can get a reasonable facsimile by scaling the high deck outside my house.
12) Monkey bars. If you have a place to mount these, you can buy a set of them for about $30.

Playgrounds

Besides the obvious grip obstacles to be found (such as monkey bars or lateral bar traverses), never underestimate the value of CLIMBING ON STUFF. Try going up the slide without using your hands. Try scaling the slide pole. Cargo nets, bouldering walls, all kinds of stuff can be found in playgrounds that can help you train. Just play. (Try to do this when kids aren't around.)

School Tracks

Look with new eyes at your local school track. Many of them may have large tires laying on the football field. In my area, all the schools have had tires showing up lately, and it's been a godsend. You can also bring your 30' rope to the track, tie it to a tire, and drag it around if you're feeling saucy. Running up and down bleacher stairs are a fun Stadion-style option. At the front of the bleachers area, I realized that the chainlink fence forms a "close enough" experience of Olympus that I call it Nolympus. It's a way to move laterally with the feet at a steep pitch, while taxing the grip with the hands.

My Nolympus demonstration

Another great thing to do is hop fences - there's always a 4' chainlink fence that you can jump over. The football field also provides ample space and grass to practice low crawls and rolling. Getting into a format of running a lap, then doing an obstacle (hell, bring your sandbag), can keep you race-day ready. If you want to get filthy for a true race experience, there's always a roll in the long-jump pit available.

Hiking Trails

One of the smart ways to train on trails is to keep your eyes peeled for downed trees that appear secure. You can use them as balance beams, or hop over them/hurdle them. You can use a small log as a weight to carry around until you get bored. Puddles? Stroll through 'em! Mother Nature is a fantastic workout buddy that requires no social distance. But please, maintain social distance when you see others on the trails.

Best Way to Train For a Race

Are you thinking of doing a race? Perhaps you want to dip your toes into a 5K, or a triathlon, or an OCR. As a personal trainer I get this question a lot: where do I start? How do I train? My answer is unconventional, but it really is the One Simple Trick that will help you more than any other advice you will ever get:

Do a race.

That's it. 

Sign up for something that you think is within your physical capabilities to finish (even just walking), then go do it. If you are able-bodied, you can finish a 5K. Or a Spartan Sprint. (The one exception is: do not do a triathlon if you cannot currently ride a bike or remain afloat. Learn, then do.) It might seem like doing the race is something you should do at the END of your training, but it's not. Do one to get it out of the way, because there is no better way to find out what you should do in your training.

I'll take the OCR example because it's the most complicated. With a road race, you'll either finish or you won't, and you'll learn a little something about pacing yourself regardless. With an OCR, training for it is a big job, or really a big number of small jobs. Grip strength. Brute strength. Power. Agility. Cardio endurance. Muscular endurance. Obstacle proficiency. Harsh terrain. There is no way to prepare yourself for all of these things before you have actually done a single event. You won't know what to train for. So sign up for a sprint distance event, maybe a stadium race if you don't like mud. By the time you finish, you'll know exactly what your strengths and weaknesses are. 

Let's take my first OCR as an example, the Lambeau Field Stadion. I did just enough research about Spartan races to know that burpees were involved, so I had practiced those in the months leading up, but that is it. Showed up and quickly realized a few things about myself.

1) My cardio endurance was predictably good. All the stairs were challenging, but I was not gasping for air or exhausted.

2) I did great on the strength obstacles - carries, hoists, etc.

3) My grip strength was totally nonexistent. I would need to work on this before attempting another OCR. 

4) All skill obstacles (walls, rope climb, spear throw) were way beyond my capability. I had no clue about techniques for any of them.

5) The most important factor was "do I enjoy this activity enough to work at it?" And the answer was a resounding YES. That race was so extremely fun, and my body felt great afterward. 

Those were all things I wouldn't have found out if I hadn't just taken a leap and signed up for this thing I knew little about. So don't try so hard to be wholly prepared for your first event. Pick a short one and go for it. Find out what you need to work on next. Build your OCR house one brick at a time.