Race Recap: Beat the Blerch Virtual Marathon

 Beat the Blerch Virtual Marathon 9/12/20 Cedar Falls, IA

Weather: 60 degrees, overcast/drizzling

Terrain: Recreation trails and some sidewalks

Distance: 26.2 miles

I purchased the Beat the Blerch virtual race kit for $50 and was excited to do another virtual half marathon. Then I thought, two weeks ago, "why not do a FULL?" I couldn't think of a good reason to do the full, but I couldn't think of a better reason NOT to. So I was in. I told nobody about this plan. I didn't want to have to backpedal in case of failure or quitting. But I saw that after days of rain, the weather today was going to be my absolute favorite road-race weather conditions (stable 60 degrees and drizzling), and I felt good, so I went for it. Full marathon, for the first time since 2012. And now I have GPS to confirm it. 

My thoughts throughout the race:

Mile 1: I feel amazing! I could do this all day!

Mile 4: Ugh, that house has so many terrible political signs. (flips double-bird that no one sees)

Mile 6: Oh god, my foot hurts with a searing pain in my toes. This has happened before, it usually goes away within ten minutes.

Mile 7: It went away!

Mile 10: My hip abductors are cramping. Uh oh.

Mile 12: Perhaps I should take these electrolyte tablets I brought.

Mile 14: The electrolytes aren't totally helping. Never fear, I can walk more.

Mile 16: There is a guy out here already wasted-drunk at noon scream-slurring to his friend that he "NEEDS A FUCKING UMBRELLA FOR THIS WEDDING" he's going to.

Mile 17: I can no longer run at all. Walking it is.

Mile 20: I can no longer properly walk. Staggering it is.

Mile 21: Holy shit, SOMEONE at this giant outdoor picnic I'm staggering past is coughing like Patient Zero, why the hell isn't anyone SAYING ANYTHING?!

Mile 22: Let's try to jog again! (1 second later) STOP STOP MY LEFT KNEE MIGHT EXPLODE

Mile 23: People are looking at me. Like, really looking at me. Trying to make sure I'm okay, physically and mentally.

Mile 24: I am just aware enough of my surroundings to avoid being hit by a car, but I am otherwise pretty out of it.

Mile 25: MY BODY IS FUBAR

Mile 26: My staggering is down to over a 17-minute pace, god let this end.

Mile 26.22: I AM DONE! GLORY HALLELUJAH! Now to check on the state of my blisters, which feel tremendous.

It's really too bad that my hips didn't cooperate because I felt like I had plenty of energy for a PR effort. In the end, I finished in about 6:21, which is my second-best (of 6) marathon finish times. I may never do a full marathon again. I find the distance "too far to be fun." But this one felt pretty good to finish. It took a regular screwed-up race season and made it a little bit special.

Pros:

-Shirt. It's the only piece of swag I've received so far, but it's a fantastic shirt.

-Hardly anyone out, because rain keeps (foolish) people away.

-At no point did I seriously consider quitting.

Cons:

-Rest of kit hadn't arrived because I am too impatient to wait for the official "race weekend." EDITED: kit arrived 9/23, check out my unboxing video!

-That weird bad neighborhood at mile 16 that had actual drunks way earlier than you'd expect.

-2020. This whole year is just one big con.

Race Grade: A-. Love the swag, loved the weather. Don't enjoy the marathon distance, but I certainly feel accomplished!